Titleless

chatting
five minutes
bliss
smiling
trying not to laugh
trying not to cry
will i see you again?
ever?
that time seems
so far away...
do I
love you?
or you me?
never mind
for now
we can chat
far apart
missing you.


---

missing you
missing your
smile
wishing for your
laughing eyes
sweet blonde hair
always happy
online can't capture
how perfect
your voice is
or your giggle
won't see you
again, will I?
I can dream...
can't I?
chatting online
but never in sync...

this is good, but i'm not really sure how far apart is safe and sound, also a refrence to the internet.

Oh, I like. I had to re-read it once then I saw what it meant. Good job! it's something new. It's nice.

Hello, hello.

It's a good piece. Particularly because of how you make the line breaks work for you. The way you broke the lines apart gave it a very 'chat' feel. Just how in chat conversations all your lines come up one after the other in breaks.

It was very good up 'til the last four lines. This poem didn't need so much imagery to make it work. Simply your line breaks and the shortness of your words were able to capture the uncertainty of the emotions you were portraying but the last part just doesn't fit in. I get the idea of how you wanted to end this poem and stick to it by all means but you really must change the wording. I think that particularly, it is the 'for now we chat' line that doesn't fit this poem. The phrasing of the words is old-ish. It fits a poem written with a more classical concept in mind not high-speed cyber world.

haha. not sure I made sense but I wish you luck in all your writing.

--Knightly

Hiya! I'm Rosey and I'll be your reviewer today.

This was cute, a bit hard to understand on first read but cute. You've managed to create a list and turn it into a poem rather effectively, which in my experience is rare.

What I'm confused about is the relationship itself. Not so much the emotions, they're sweet and I've felt that way, but if this is an online-only friendship or one that's got a base in real life. I'm mostly talking about "will i see you again? ever?" "Again" here says that they've seen each other before, but I'm not sure if it's in real life or on a webcam.

Overall, I only had one real point of confusion here, which I mentioned above. I liked the emotion otherwise, because I've felt that way myself from time to time.

PM me with questions.

~Rosey

That was really good.