Tears

You run to your room
Burning inside
With anger
Sadness
Guilt
Scorching you
And then the tears come
Rain falling from gray eyes
Cooling your hot face
Tears fall inside
Cooling your anger
Cleansing your soul
Flooding the dirt out
You take deep breaths
Trying not to drown
The storm clears
Your blue eyes shine
You know you'll be better
And you are.

Hai!

Poetry really isn't my strong point, but I'm trying to improve, so I'm afraid you're my guinea-pig.

The main problem I had with this was that it was boring. I know that sounds mean, but it was. Even if poetry is personal, there should be something there for the readers to connect with and understand. A personal poem that I can think of is "Adlestrop" by someone who I can't remember. The poet's on a train and the train stops for a brief moment in Adlestrop -- that's basically all there is to the poem, but I like it because it has such a sweet, nostalgic, peaceful tone to it. It's about the poet's journey and what the poet saw, but through the poem, it feels as though I've been a part of his experience as well.

With your poem, there wasn't any kind of tone at all. There was nothing in it for me. (Readers are sefish beings.) Your language was very flat. No similies or descriptions or metaphors or anything to make it stand out. Using words like "anger, sadness, guilt" are boring. They do what they're supposed to do but no more. It's very 2-D; I'm given nothing more than the very bare bones and as you're writing about emotion, it needs to be deeeeeeeeep. Deep like a wishing well.

The best part of the poem was the "gray eyes... blue eyes" bit. The change and the references to a storm were very cool.

So, spice this up, add more imagery and something for the reader. Whether it's to shock me, amuse me, touch me, make me think, I want to get something out of the experience of reading a poem. Maybe if you found a different subject? Everyone and everyone's written about tears and grief -- maybe you could find something else?

PM me if you have any questions! and I'm sorry if this seemed really mean; it's only meant to help.

alright. i understood all of it except for one line.

Earthfire713 wrote:Tears fall inside

perhaps you should elaborate. other than that i agree with the comment before i did like the eye color change. other than that it was simple. a little cliche. also i didn't really understand why after crying she was suddenly feeling better. there was no real revolution to making her feel better. i can understand why you didn't elaborate on the exact issue of why the narrator was crying in the first place. perhaps for dramatic effect but the fact that nothing happened really and then they were all better was slightly unrealistic. tears aren't normally something to make it better unless your saying they brought everything to the service so they could be dealt with. idk thats just an idea. i suppose thats all. keep writing!!!

Hiya! I'm Rosey and I'll be your reviewer for today.

I agree with TL. This poem doesn't really hold all that much spice for me. I liked the bare-bones meaning of this, I've felt that way myself, but right now you have a list. And a list is not poetry. A list is the start of poetry, but it's not a full-blooded poem.

You have some nice lines of imagery at the end, but the important beginning is a list and therefore doesn't grab readers. It also dulls our impressions of the rest of the poem.

Overall, you could really stand to beef this up. It's got a good bone structure, it just needs some imagery "meat" put on those bones.

PM me with questions.

~Rosey