Car Hugs

Car Hugs

My own arms wrapped around me,
I pretend they’re yours
keeping me safe and warm,
as I sit in deep seated cushions
that cradle me in the back seat
Wind from the front windows
blow into the back seat
It feels like your breath would
down my neck
if you were actually here
to hold me on this dark ride home






Thinking of someone special who is far, far away from me.

Hi there! It's Hawkie and I'll be reviewing you today.

This is a cool poem; it's really sweet. My one complaint is that it seems a bit run-on; there's no periods at all where I can stop and breathe. Also, I think you could have a little more rhythm/sense of flow. For example, the first line has seven syllables, then the next one has six, and then the fourth one suddenly has nine, and the ninth one has three . . . there's no real pattern here. I understand about free verse and not needing to keep a completely strict rhythm, but I think every poem should have some sense of regularity to it.

blow into the back seat

"Blow" should be "blows," since "wind" is singular.

Thinking of someone special who is far, far away from me.

I like your last line.

Nice job with this. Keep writing!

-Hawks-

Hi there, this is Gahks here to review your poem!

First Impressions:
You maintain a lovely sense of loss throughout this poem, and the initial concept is well thought out. Poetry should make us see the human condition from a different angle - you definitely did that!

Where to Improve:
The repetition of "back seat" seems redundant, but this problem's easily solved. Where I think you could really improve is being a bit braver and throw in some lavish imagery to make the reader's jaws drop. As a recount of a personal experience, it works well, but you could do with using some vivid turns of phrase here and there to spice up the piece and transport the reader right into the scene. Really picture yourself in the moment - the speaker imagining her own arms as someone else's, "mending my own broken embrace," I might say, for instance, "their cool hands running like a river down my back."

The best way to develop an ear for this kind of unusual language is to read poetry (and preferably take English Literature!). Choose someone fairly accessible, like Sylvia Plath or Pablo Neruda - i.e. don't start straight away on Shakespeare's sonnets! As well as reading for pleasure, get a notebook and jot down anything particularly neat/unusual/impressive that jumps out at you. Then ask yourself, why did this phrase or word strike me? The word choice? The sound patterning? An apt metaphor? Poking around a poem for these kinds of answers should help you to live in the language of poetry, and hopefully make you a better poet!

Hope this helps!

Gahks

Greetings, this is Mr. Realms, reviewing your excellant piece, "Car Hugs,".
Really, honestly, I'm stumped as to what I shoud critisize. If there are flaws, I didn't notice them. Its a very short, very sweet, very heartfelt poem, and it gave me a very interesting flash of inspiration, I must say. It has a nice title, good rythym, and interesting subject matter.
I have to go now, so I will conclude with: Keep up the good work!! ;-D
-Drads.

Hm, this is interesting.
In a way it's a bit of a cliched love poem, It really sucks when your trying to write love poetry because most aspects are kind cliched and by extension, boring.
However this is a nice turn on it.
Firstly the person of your affection is not there, in most cases that would make the poem a sob, but this one is kind of light and frisky but there is a element of sadness.
It is a rather short and displays one solid idea, it in other words is not very textured. you may not have being trying to make it so but i would like to point it out.
to wrap it up this is a good poem, with a honest and fairly unique approach.
congrates