SHAMAN - Chapter 3.3

6 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 4305
Reviews 42
Although this is a part from the Third Chapter, it is an excellent "teaser" for my book in general. If you like it, Make sure to click "Click To See Possible Related Items" and start reading the Prologue/Epilogue right away. I really want this novel to work, and need your help.

Chapter 3.3

After everyone had taken a sip of the sparkling champagne, Jake continued, keeping his serious tone. To Marcus, it felt like being in the classroom again.

“Do you remember my lecture on the Incan civilization, Marcus?”
“Yeah. Well, not all of it, but you told us about a symbol of theirs. I wasn’t really that interested, but I recognized it on the cover. That’s why I came to you with it in the first place,” Marcus drank another sip of champagne and nearly spilt it when Jake placed his huge hand heavily on his shoulder, continuing his lecture. It was as if he was bracing him for something.

“Well done, Marcus! I was hoping that my teachings would be useful one day. You’re absolutely correct; it is the same symbol, an Incan Chakana. No one knows where the symbol came from originally, but it was present throughout the entire Incan civilization. Architects used it in buildings, priests used it in their religion and shamans used the symbol as a guide to be able to find techniques that would enhance their existence. Legend says that these shamans could find cures for diseases by entering a trance-like state, communicating directly with the gods,” the professor made a doubtful face, clearly meant to be ironic. His voice had been absolutely honest the entire time. His audience smiled. Marcus was all ears, as Jake continued:

“Here comes the part of the legend that many haven’t heard of, but since you are in possession of this Book of Life, you if anyone should be let in on the secret. Some of the shamans could travel through lives by what we have come to call ‘controlled reincarnation’. To achieve this “life travel”, they wrote their destinations in a book like yours, and through it, their life energies were sent to another form of life that they chose. Depending on what they wrote as a destination, their energy could take the shape of an animal or even another human, while their physical bodies entered a shamanic trance." Marcus raised his eyebrows, apparently not understanding. Jake clarified:

"It's a kind of sleep. Somewhere along the line, the books were forgotten or labeled as blasphemous and burnt. Quite ironic when they were actually used for understanding and appreciating the Gods, Life and Nature,” the professor paused and drank a few big gulps from his glass. The others sat quietly, but Marcus couldn’t help being sarcastic in his questions:

“This book used to belong to an Incan shaman?" Jake nodded.
"And they could have their ‘energies’ travel to distant places in time and space to live as animals, while their own body was sleeping?" Jake nodded again. Marcus was about to crack into laughter:
"You expect me to believe this religious horse shit? This is even more stupid than the stories that the local Indians tell!” The professor met Marcus’s pessimism calmly, and continued in an assuring voice:

“I know it’s difficult to understand, but yes, I expect you to believe it. And now that you have this book, you can experience controlled reincarnation too,” Jake finished his glass of champagne and poured up another one. Marcus was staring at the bubbles in his own glass. He was feeling a bit lightheaded. Both from the drink and the Jake's talk.

“How do you know about all of this, Professor Adams?” Marcus’s voice was still sarcastic, overly sure that the professor would have no good answer. Jake left the room, and a few moments later, he returned, holding a book in his hands. He put it down next to the one already on the table. Marcus saw that it looked almost exactly like his book. It had the same symbol on the cover, except the light it was projecting was bright green. Lola opened a drawer next to the sofa, and pulled out another book, and the orb on it was glowing in red. Alexander and Thomas pulled out their books from their bags and placed them on the table. The gem on Alexander’s book was glowing in blue and Thomas’s in a blinding turquoise. Jake smiled:

“We’re all Shamans, Marcus. We’ve all reincarnated, several times. And we’re going to teach you how to do it. I’m presuming that you want to learn?" Marcus wasn't sure what to believe. He had a hard time getting his head around how some ritual involving a book could allow travel through space and time in the manner that Jake suggested.

“I don’t know much about Incan civilization, and even less about their religion. I’m not even sure I believe in gods, I’m not religious at all,” Marcus was worried that his statement might have hurt someone’s feelings, but it was met with laughter from Jake.

“Most of the shamans who crafted these books weren't religious. They believed in something more apparent and obvious; nature. They understood it so completely that they could take that knowledge and imprint it onto the covers of these books. Thanks to those Incan shamans of the 14th century, you now have the possibility to transfer your conscious self into any form of life that has ever existed, and see the beauty of nature first hand.” Marcus looked around him and they were all smiling and nodding. He felt safe to do the same, and emptied his glass.
Last edited by Alec Laine on Fri Sep 11, 2009 4:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"SHAMAN" is a action/adventure fiction novel I'm writing, following the adventures of Marcus Lee. Marcus finds a book with a peculiar symbol engraved on the cover. As Marcus digs deeper into the mysteries of the book, he learns about controlled reincarnation.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 14895
Reviews 202
Um, I really like the idea of being able to become any form of life of any time-period. But does it have to be like gods and stuff? Just the other things would be fine. Yes, I know you have to explain how, but there are other ways to get this to work.
I don't mean you should rewrite it, no, I'm just makin' a suggestion.
Still, it's a really nice and original story. Good luck. :smt001
Looking for someone who won't disappoint you?
Look to Jesus.:)




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 4305
Reviews 42
Pretty Crazy wrote:Um, I really like the idea of being able to become any form of life of any time-period. But does it have to be like gods and stuff? Just the other things would be fine. Yes, I know you have to explain how, but there are other ways to get this to work.
I don't mean you should rewrite it, no, I'm just makin' a suggestion.
Still, it's a really nice and original story. Good luck. :smt001

I really mean ANY form of life. Not just gods. You didn't really give me a suggestion, you were stating the obvious. Of course there are other ways of getting this to work, but this is the way that I chose. I'm glad you like the idea, and I'm sure you'll love the fourth chapter.
"SHAMAN" is a action/adventure fiction novel I'm writing, following the adventures of Marcus Lee. Marcus finds a book with a peculiar symbol engraved on the cover. As Marcus digs deeper into the mysteries of the book, he learns about controlled reincarnation.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 15966
Reviews 134
The plot thickens! Another great chapter. I like this idea of "controlled reincarnation" and look forward to seing where it takes them.

“Yes, I do. Well, not all of it, but I remember that you were talking about a symbol of theirs. I wasn’t really that interested, but I remembered what the symbol looks like, and recognized it on the cover of this book. That’s why I came to you with it in the first place,”

This doesn't seem to fit Marcus. It's quite wordy, the way Jake speeks. From marcus I'd have expected something more like: "Yeah, but I don't remember much. Except the symbol."

That way he sounds less like the proffessor and more like the B-grade student he is.

burnt by crusaders

The crusaders were the ones who fought in the holy land. The conquistadors were the guys who went over and killed native Americans.

Marcus was skeptical to the professor and his theories.

There's not really any need to say this. It's pretty obvious from his "religious horse shit" comment.

I’m presuming that you want to learn?" Marcus was still skeptic.

Just forgot the quotation mark.

Bring on chapter 4.
Q: Where do you go to buy shoes?

A: At the shoez canal, lol.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 2190
Reviews 65
Magically delicious
This is a novel way to introduce a power into your work and it seems the idea of reincarnation is both powerful in the literal sense and the literary sense. What I would throw out as preemptive comment is that (at least I find) supernatural powers are made the most interesting by their limitations, not their raw power. For example I found the magic of the Harry Potter world relatively boring as it was pretty basic, 'you need a wand and a voice' deal.
By contrast, systems with rules that must be obeyed, exploited, and planned around creates vastly more interesting possibilities. I hope you take advantage of that.

Incan thinkin'
The match up of the Inca and shamanism is interesting. But I'd always associated the type of 'spirit communication' stuff with the Maya rather than the Inca (who seem to have the more standard 'sun god' 'sea god' 'earth god' type of God pantheon with traditional priests). But, creative liberty is necessary in any work. Hope you do cool things with it.

First name basis
Switching from Professor Adams to Jake so suddenly is a little confusing. I further find it strange that the student wouldn't call him Mr. Adams before Jake. But I'll get used to it...

Look forward to the next part!

-Pattycakes




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 19189
Reviews 110
Hi! Lilicia again. :smt001
Wow, this is getting really exciting! This chapter really dragged me into the story.I love the way the plot's going!

"It's a kind of sleep. Somewhere along the line, the books were forgotten or labeled as blasphemous and burnt. Quite ironic when they were actually used for understanding and appreciating the Gods, Life and Nature,the professor paused and drank a few big gulps from his glass.


The comma should be a full stop, and the 't' a capital. There are other examples of this mistake, but I'll leave it up to you to find them.

“We’re all Shamans, Marcus. We’ve all reincarnated, several times. And we’re going to teach you how to do it. I’m presuming that you want to learn?"


Wow! This really got me excited! A great twist.

“I don’t know much about Incan civilization, and even less about their religion. I’m not even sure I believe in gods, I’m not religious at all,” Marcus was worried that his statement might have hurt someone’s feelings, but it was met with laughter from Jake.


This seems too polite for Marcus. It doesn't fit in with his character, which was pretty sarcastic before this. I suggest he says something like this: "I don't know much about the Incan civilization. And I'm not religious, so how am I supposed to know about their religion?" It seems more in character that way. Also, after the dialogue you say that Marcus was 'worried that his statement might have hurt someone's feelings', when before I got the impression that he didn't care too much about other people's feelings. It might just be me, but that seems rather out of character too. :smt108

Marcus looked around him and they were all smiling and nodding. He felt safe to do the same, and emptied his glass.


I'd like to hear more about what Marcus feels about all this. I think a more detailed analysis of his feelings here would be very welcome, so the reader can understand Marcus a bit more. I'm curious to find out how he reacts to this kind of information, and I'm sure other readers would be too. :wink:

So, that's all the nit-picks I could find!
Once again, this is a really great chapter, and the limited amount of nit-picks I could find just goes to show how much better your writing gets every chapter!

Hope I helped!
“Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.”

~Hans Christan Andersen



Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author