Hello all. This is a little story I wrote a while back. I want to submit it. I just want to see if people like it. I am not going back and editing it. I just wanted to make a few people laugh. I am happy to accept my flaws yadda, yadda, but my goal is to make you guys laugh. Okay here it is. The first out of three TBRPGs, and my baby...
Welcome to TBRPG
> What
Text Based Role Playing Game you dimwit.
>Who are you calling a dimwit
You
>Really
Yeah
>start game
You are sitting in a room all alone.
The only light is a faint candle that looks like it will burn out soon.
On the table in front of you is a hard back book and a pen.
In your inventory you have an inner muse
In your inventory you have an inner editor
In your inventory you have an inflated ego.
It looks like your inner muse wants to say something.
It looks like your inner editor wants to say something.
>listen muse
You cannot hear the muse over your inner editor.
>take pen
You pick up the pen
>take out editor
You hold the editor in your hand
>shove pen up in editor
You shove the pen up your inner editors butt.
You politely tell him to shut the fuck up.
He does as you ask.
>listen muse
"How about a love story between a muse and her pupil"
"She loves him but is forbidden to"
The muse rambles on and on about this.
Obtained blurry idea.
>gag muse
You gag the poor muse.
>examine book
The book has a hard green cover.
Inside the pages are empty.
Maybe you could write it if only you had a pen.
>remove pen from editor
The editor refuses to give you your pen.
He insists that you listen to him.
>gag editor
You gag the editor
>remove pen
You remove the pen.
The editor looks relieved.
>doodle on first page
You scribble on the first page.
You see a face.
Your blurry idea has been upgraded to almost understandable idea.
>think
You think hard and almost pull a brain muscle.
Your almost understandable idea is now a rough script.
>think even harder
You fall out of your chair from thinking to hard.
Your rough script is now a perfect book.
If only you wrote it down on paper.
>write
In a short three hours you almost finished writing your book.
You stop because you need to eat something.
>inventory
You have a perfect book
An inner muse
An inner editor
Your inner nachos.
Your inner nachos are trying to say something.
>listen nachos
"Please it doesn't matter how much you want to finish your book"
"Don't eat us"
They are now crying.
>eat nachos
You eat the inner nachos.
I wonder where they came from.
>finish writing
You finish the book.
Your perfect book has now become a completed manuscript.
>look for exits
There are no exits what so ever.
The north wall looks rather flimsy.
>puke up nachos on north wall
You puke up your inner nachos on the north wall.
It doesn't effect it.
The nachos turn into TNT.
>light fuse
With what?
>remove gag from inner muse
Oh now I get it...
The muse is very unhappy and shoots out fire breath.
>aim muse at fuse
The fuse is lit and the TNT explodes.
The wall crumbles like your mothers low self esteem.
>exit through obliterated wall
There are a bunch of critics.
They are blocking your way.
They look like a bunch of Vultures.
> splur out "yo momma" jokes
You splur out very offensive yo momma jokes.
The critics who didn't seem to notice you at first are drawn to you.
Then they reply.
"Yo momma told us to read your complete manuscript"
>give manuscript
They rip your manuscript to pieces.
They rip those pieces into smaller pieces.
They rip the smaller pieces into tiny shards.
They burn the tiny shards.
They write a very good criticism.
This is also a very harsh criticism.
They give it to you and storm off.
>read criticism
Before you read it would you like to listen to your ego?
>yes
"Don't do it"
"I cannot take it"
"Please god NO"
>gag ego
You gag your ego.
>read criticism
It is divided into four parts.
>skim through first part
"Grammar"
"This is the poorest grammar I have ever seen"
"Capitals, lower cases"
"No saying teh"
"Go get laid"
Your ego screams behind the gag.
>skim through other three parts
"Spelling"
"Instead of wasting my time I'll put this short"
"Proper spelling=good book"
"Plot"
"Where was it"
"A romance novel"
"Dude a romantic novel doesn't mean they have sex all day long"
Your ego looks like it is about to die.
>rewrite novel correctly
You don't have any paper.
From the looks of it you had your pen still in the book so I guess they took it.
>hunt down critics with a hack saw
You don't have a hack saw.
>find store
You walk for five miles with no food or water in a desert to find a store.
This store sells paper and a pen.
The shop keeper warns you that the pen that comes with the book will bleed through the paper.
>gag shop keeper
You gag the shop keeper.
He unties it.
"What the fuck man"
>leave
You leave the store.
>sit by tree
For some reason a tree comes out of no where so you can sit by it.
You sit by it.
>write novel correctly
You write for two days without sleep to make sure that it is good.
Then you pass out for about eight hours.
When you wake up the critics are standing above you reading your novel and crying over it.
>ask them what is wrong
"This is the best thing I've ever seen"
They reply.
"You actually listened to what we said"
They continue.
>ask if they'll get it published
"Not unless you are about to die"
They reply.
>fake death
They go and they get it published.
You end up making five million dollars off of faking coming back to life.
You make seventy eight point five off of your book.
Your inner muse wants to say something
Your inner editor wants to say something.
>listen muse
The muse and the editor are both saying the same thing for once.
"You win the game"
"We don't like how you did it"
"Some how you did"
"We're very happy for you"
THE END
