This is the first chapter of the first of my five "Erinack Broodmarsh" novels. I hope you enjoy it, and i welcome any feed back.
(i am also sorry for any spelling errors, i think i have got them all but you never know)
The fantastic adventures of Captain Erinack Broodmarsh.
Number one: The great prize.
CHAPTER: I
Captain Erinack Broodmarsh stood in front of his men and looked out over the field of impending battle.
Rain was hammering down hard turning the ground into a clay-like sludge.
He pulled out a brass telescope from his greatcoat, he extended it and placed it to his eye.
Through its circle view finder he observed the enemy ranks in their dark green and brown uniforms.
They were beginning to mobilize.
He collapsed the telescope and put it back in his coat before tightening the chin strap on his shako.
“sergeant Solkin!” he called over his shoulder.
A man walked up from the ranks and stood beside him.
“yes captain?” he said.
“they are starting to move” Broodmarsh replied “we had better make ready for the first advance.
“yes sir” said Solkin before turning back to face the men.
Broodmarsh’s men formed but a part of a larger force but it was his and sergeant Sokin’s duty to command these men as part of the great objective.
“men load first shots” Solkin called at the men. “you shall get only one”
They suddenly jumped into action, sprays of rain water coming from their coats and hats.
The men hunched over their muskets as they primed their pans, fearful of any raindrops getting in and spoiling the powder.
They each then took out a bullet cartridge and bit off the end which contained the musket ball, the cartridges where small parcels of wax paper filled with powder which they now carefully poured down their guns upturned barrels. Next the paper itself was placed into the barrel and forced down as wadding with the flared end on the weapons ramrod, lastly they spat the balls from their mouths into the gun, this could be wrapped in a small patch of leather so that it could be given a deadly spin increasing its accuracy, but at these ranges there was no need.
After the ball had similarly been rammed down the men pulled the guns hammers back to half cock and all were ready for battle.
“fix bayonets” Solkin then called, and each man slid the eighteen inches of murderous steel onto their guns barrels.
While some were still completing this task, suddenly from across the field they heard the drums.
“Dum!, Dum!, Dum!-Dum!-Dum!”
And they knew that each beat was bringing the enemy ever closer.
Broodmarsh’s men were positioned at the top of a moderately steep incline, the best defensible terrain that nature could provide. He and his men need make no risky charge, but instead wait for the enemy to begin climbing, and then send them rolling back down with musket volleys and rifle fire.
Broodmarsh was standing at the lip of the incline, he had removed his telescope once again and now saw the enemy ranks marching over the grass.
The first few lines of men disappeared temporarily as the went into the ditch that formed around the bottom of the slope.
But after a few seconds they appeared again, and Broodmarsh realised they were getting worryingly close.
“they’re still in square” he whispered to himself “why are the bleeders still in square?”
Solkin had heard the Captain’s mutterings and once again joined him.
“men are loaded and ready sir” he said he was now putting on his own shako in readiness.
“they’re still in square” Broodmarsh said pointing to the advancing enemy “we haven’t got cavalry up here, why don’t they form column?.”
“must be expecting cavalry at least” Solkin replied “unless the buggers have seen us form square and win a battle and thought it was a good idea?” Solkin went silent for a moment looking at the marching squares, he then exhaled hard “bloody hell they’re close”
“yes” said Broodmarsh nodding “lets get to it then.”
They both turned around to face their men, most of the surrounding units were already in ready position.
“men!” Broodmarsh yelled “form column to receive infantry”
The men swiftly shuffled into order, eight men long and four men deep they were ready.
“first rank kneel” Broodmarsh ordered.
The first line of men dropped to their knees so as the line behind them could fire over their heads.
This procedure would repeat in a wave through the column so each line could fire as the other knelt, when the rear most line had knelt the foremost would be loaded and ready to fire again.
“steady lads steady!” Solkin called out “wait until you see the whites of the bleeders eyes”
There was an odd rippling crackle as the men pulled their hammers to full cock.
“Dum, Dum, Dum”
“steady, steady boys”
“Dum-Dum-dum”
“steady, steady”
“Dum, Dum, Dum”
“Fire!”
Broodmarsh walked slowly through the still bombarding artillery cannons as he polished his sabre.
He finally pushed it into its scabbard as he approached a group of finely uniformed men sat around a table, seemingly oblivious to the pounding line of cannons a few yards in front of them.
“ah captain Broodmarsh” said the man at the head of the table noticing Broodmarsh’s arrival.
“your still fine and well to all our hopes”
“fine and well indeed my lord” repeated Broodmarsh clicking his heels.
Another of the men stood up. He was the oldest of the group and his chest bore many medals and seals.
A fine scabbard hung at his hip and his uniform was clean and pressed, a sure sign that his duties were mostly ceremonial.
“the enemy are vanquished then my boy?” he said stroking his moustache.
“indeed sir” replied Broodmarsh “they ran at us like animals, no discipline, we cut them down like grass”
“how many losses?” the first man said looking back over the battlefield.
“three hundred give or take” said Broodmarsh “and one hundred or so wounded, seventy missing presumed dead or absconded”
“many enemy wounded?”
“none sir” replied Broodmarsh “all wounded or deserters we managed to find were rounded up and shot. Those of high rank will be interrogated and then hanged before dawn”
The elderly gentleman smiled and clapped his hands.
“I applaud you captain, a man who does things by the book” he stood aside and pulled up a chair
“come sit with us captain, will you take a drink?”
“I shall” said Broodmarsh sitting down.
“Myself and general Darnin you already know” he said pointing to the first man “but allow me to introduce commanders Forgon and Mohlt” the three men exchanged hand shakes as Darnin poured out great mugs of ale and handed them to each man. Broodmarsh placed his to his lips and quickly sank it in three draughts.
“excuse me” he said wiping his mouth “but I am fatigued after the battle, and had a powerful thirst”
He placed his mug back on the table.
“excuse me great sir’s but if it does not displease you I would be greatly comforted if I could remove my boots”
The four men made gestures of agreement and Broodmarsh heaved of his great knee high combat boots and threw them to the mud. He let loose a long sigh of relief.
“feel no embracement around us captain” said Forgon smiling “if the hero of the battle can not cast of his boots in the hour of glory” he paused to kindle his pipe letting loose a small cloud of smoke “then I shall be forced resigned from the emperor’s service”
The men smiled and made jocular comments to one another, while three more pipes were lit.
One of the great cannons rang out causing the elderly gentleman to flinch.
“general why do these great beast still thunder on when the battle is won?” he said to Darnin “captain Broodmarsh assures us the vermin are destroyed”
“yes sir” Broodmarsh butted in “but vermin have a habit of scurrying back to their tunnels”
Darnin gestured to Broodmarsh smiling.
“we must be sure the burrows are collapsed” he said. He turned his chair to face Broodmarsh.
“so” he said crossing his legs “tell us more of your triumph”
“well what is to say” said Broodmarsh scratching his forehead “we rushed towards them in two waves, the correct thing for the enemy to have done would be to have formed column, but for some reason they remained in square as though they were expecting cavalry, and this was as you can imagine their undoing.” Broodmarsh began to arrange objects on the table to illustrate his story, while the three men listened intrigued.
“we then moved on their flank like so” continued Broodmarsh arranging an ale mug and a tinder box “as my men flooded this side the men under control of my adjutant sergeant Solkin did the same on the opposite side causing the enemy to finally crash into each other causing panic and disorder”
Broodmarsh sent an apple and some bread crust flying to the ground “bang” he said loudly causing his audience to applaud.
While they carried on talking of battle and other things the sound of approaching hooves came up behind them.
They looked over to see a man seated upon a great dark shire horse towering above them.
The horse was fitted in shining plate armour and bore a great red plume on its head, while the man him self looked down at them with his dark eyes set deep in his thin unsmiling face. His jet black uniform bore the insignia of the arcon’s a mysterious and highly respected unit of the Eligan army.
The arcon’s were initiated by the original arcon himself . The arcon being the right hand man of the emperor, and his name was Drakon.
The origins and history of the arcon Drakon are shrouded in roomer and mystery, but it is said that he was a practitioner of dark arts and instead of shunning and despising black and unpleasant things as all Eligan do he instead coveted them.
It was through these practises that it is said he attempted to poison the mind of the emperor Bramort, as he had the first emperor who’s name was Theran who lifted Eligan from the ashes of the period known as the age of despair which came about after the ferocious wars later almost glorified as the age of heroes.
Whether Drakon was alive or dead was unknown all that is known is that he disappeared without explanation soon after Bramort’s coronation.
“and so, the hero of the hour proclaims himself” the arcon said staring at Broodmarsh.
“yet so much for self glorification captain Broodmarsh, when there is still work afoot”
Broodmarsh stood up to attention.
“what do you require of me sir?” he asked trying to break eye contact with the menacing figure.
The arcon let a slight smile creep across his lips, he was pleased that Erinack was found him troubling.
“the question of the captured enemy officers still remains unanswered” he said at last “if you would be so kind as to tear yourself from this little throng your assistance would me much appreciated”.
Erinack couldn’t ignore the sarcasm in the arcon’s voice.
“I believe they are being held in the tent over yonder” said Erinack pointing to a long shallow tent system erected behind the cannons. “if you would accompany me there I’m sure we shall find the proceedings already underway”
“I’m sure we will” replied the arcon “for I have deployed a small group of my own men to assist in the proceedings as you put it, these horrible dark hued men have a skin like leather captain, and special skill is required in interrogating them”
At that he spun his horse round and trotted towards the tent.
Erinack swiftly replaced his boots before bidding farewell to the old officers who had given him such good company before jogging towards the tent himself.
Upon entering the tent Erinack was met with a terrible scene.
Five of the captured enemy officers were strung up on wooden wheels while the arcon’s men cut and stabbed them with vicious looking implements and devices.
So piercing where the screams and howls that Erinack flinched and was forced to look away momentarily.
The man on the left of the five was obviously the highest ranking as the interrogators paid him special attention.
“show us where your command post is” the arcon lieutenant yelled while another brandished a blood spattered map in front of the hapless officer.
Each time he refused or babbled a response in his own language, one of the torture implements was dragged across his side leaving great tears and tatters in his flesh.
“show us” the lieutenant shouted again landing a blow to his head “show us!”
Erinack could watch no longer.
“stay this madness” he ordered grabbing the arm of the arcon which held the torture device “cant you see these men know nothing”
“he knows” the lieutenant said grabbing the lacerated face of his victim and squeezing it hard “he knows” he shoved the mans head to one side letting it hang limp and almost lifeless, with streams of blood falling from his lips.
“This is folly” Erinack continued “lets just have them hanged and be done with it”
“you appear to have a strange liking towards these little men” said the arcon lieutenant. He wiped blood from his hands as he walked over to them.
“you said you would assist me captain, why not assist me now”
He walked behind the bound man and put both hands around his head.
“let us see if your approach is better suited” he said kneeling down “look him in the eye and ask him nicely” the same thin smile spread across his face as Erinack approached him.
He knelt down and looked the man straight in the eye.
“tell me the coordinates of your command post” he said calmly “and this torment shall come to an end”
The man hesitated looking from Erinack to the arcons’ and back again gasping franticly in pain and confusion “just tell me” Erinack repeated.
He then heard a long wrenching snap as the arcon lieutenant twisted the mans neck causing his spine to snap.
“too late” he said letting the head flop loosely to the mans chest “you see captain” he said standing back up “mercy is folly” he looked Erinack sternly in the eyes with a face like thunder “compassion is folly, humility and restraint is folly” he gave a great exhale before moving away from Erinack “these men are spies” he said “have them hung drawn and quartered, put their heads on pikes as a warning”
“please sir I must protest once more” said Erinack stepping forward “such actions are forbidden by the Eligan rules of engagement, these are uniformed men who’s ranks and serial numbers are known to you, they can not be killed as spies”
The arcon swiftly returned to his opposing position before Erinack, his face was even more dire than before. He seized Erinack by the throat
“if you question my authority in such an obsequious way again captain” he said spitting slightly on his last word. “I shall see you swing from the gibbet for the sport of carrion foul!”
He released Erinack’s neck so violently that he almost stumbled over. As the arcon disappeared back into the innards of the tent Erinack composed him self and stood to attention.
“sir” he said though the words stuck as though the arcon’s hand still grasped him.
He clicked his heels and exited the tent.
As he walked away he found sergeant Solkin sat on a rock smoking his pipe.
Erinack sat and joined him, though their found moments peace was soon broken by ear splitting screams as the demise of the five enemy officers went underway.
Erinack looked at Solkin and gave a slight smile, he reached into his great coat and produced a thin black penny whistle. He placed it to his lips and produced a series of long flowing notes to drown out the terrible sounds.
As Erinack’s song went on Solkin suddenly came into a matching verse.
“though in our land we wish to stay.
The horn of war calls us away.
To distant lands away to fight.
To prove our valour and our might.
Though far away in lands unknown.
The stars shall always guide us home.
To marble hall and towers of gold.
And shining palaces of old.
From northern lands we must away.
We shall return at last one day.
To Denelholme city of light.
Which shines as like a candle bright.
Though peace may last for many an age.
Battle surely again shall rage.
Though in our land we wish to stay.
The horn of war calls us away.”
Overall: The broken lines are kind of hard to read, and like Rosey said, make it have a typewriter feel almost. I would suggest turning them into true paragraph style, like a story. You had a lot of dialogue issues, but I hope that since I've gone through it a couple of times, you'll get what I'm talking about and change it.