Withdrawal

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Points 2374
Reviews 23
“Do you love me?”
her words pained me to answer,
as they slipped from her lips,
unspeakably sudden,
like the cliché shot to the heart;
A shot I knew I’d soon return.
Every answer— excuse that came to me,
Outlined the ‘typical man’ she described;
Every thought fit her very hatred I knew.

My pause held her in anxiety for a moment.
The silence reeling,
its webbed cage of anguish around her heart.
It tightened, revealing old scars,
Drawing blood from keloided heartbreaks,
Salty tears trying to melt away the ‘typical’,
That had so secretively crept in her life again.
With all the hope in her soul she denied the truth.
She fought the quiet with her—
Weakening faith for the future.
Not so hopefully anymore,
Not so strong as she was, she
Is over taken.

She swallowed the silence, and
lifted herself from her seat, with
hope’s last glimmer turning to ash in her eyes.
And I wished that I could hide now,
from her hatred and disappointment.
I wished that I could give her my hope,
That still glowed.
My selfishness will say my misery, was
Stronger, in fact, than her own.
But as the door shut behind her,
her black heels still shadowed beneath her exit,
her body shivering I could tell,
my regret had already began to fade.

**Tell me what you think about the title too please and thank you!
"I know why the caged bird sings" ~ Maya Angelou
*Dream_Catcher*




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Gender Female
Points 1567
Reviews 12
I think it is set up well but it needs to flow better. I was a little confused by it which would be good if you were trying to be mystical or something. I get that he doesnt love her or at least h e cant say that he does for some reason and thats he regrets that he doesnt??? she aknowledges this and leaves. It hurts him more than her that he cant love her. Im getting all this but I am still just confused by it. maybe he could tell us that he has tried to love her or just give us some more details on what is going on. and work on the flow. ok sry if this didnt make any sense. just figured id confuse u in return lol

caitlin
fairy tales and wishing wells




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Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 85
I like the angle this poem is written from but I think the poem needs to be reworked. There are just too many words - too many words, too many images. I think the poem needs to be pared down and simplified. With all the descriptions the poem feels crowded and over explained. So try and work on that and on kind of pulling it together, tidying it up a bit but sticking to the same point of view and I think the poem will work a lot better.

Also, I like the title.



Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein