Him.

Im having troubles on how to end it? i always get stuck..
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If you looked into my eyes,
you wouldn't see all the dead butterflies.
If you held my hand,
you wouldn't hold my heart.
It has a place,
sold when I first saw his face.

If you kissed my lips,
you wouldn't taste the love lost.
And if you whispered in my ear,
you might not get every point across.

Because his eyes still reflect into mine,
every word although gilded,
was heartfelt and kind.
All sweetly conflicted,
when my heart was unconciously signed.

Ok in the beginning it seemed to be moving rather smoothly but when you hit the 'mold' line it threw me off a little. It also got a little abstract to the point where i couldn't really understand it anymore. The end just kind of threw me off.

but i see you are new to YWS so Welcome!! im evn a little new myself but its fun. you get great truthful reviews for everything but make sure you review others' work too. Have funn!!!!

If you looked into my eyes,
you wouldn't see all the dead butterflies. This line is too long. Just take out "the" and it will be better. Although not perfect. But I love the idea of dead butterflies... so don't worry. Just remove "The" *is rambling too much*
If you held my hand,
you wouldn't hold my heart. Lovely (:

It has a place,
sold when I first saw his face. Woah, why did you start rhyming?
Now I am stuck with a permanent cold,
my chest is infested with mold. No! It was really beautiful when it wasn't rhyming. No these lines feel forced and sort of immature. Even without the rhyming they don't work, keep it like it was before, same style of writing and rhythm.
Spreading throughout my body,
Not stopping at the mind.
I thought you were a different kind. Kind of an obvious rhyme here.
All made too obvious,
when my heart was unconciously signed.

Ok, so if I have this right, the speaker was in love with someone, then met someone else?
I loved the start of the poem, it sounded good, flowed well and made me want to read the rest. But then you totally lost it, you need to go back and rewrite the last lines. It could be such a sweet, sad poem if you really tried. Sorry if I seem harsh or unhelpful! And sorry this is a bit quick, I have to go for lunch!
Keep writing!
Aqua X

yeah i really liked this poem when you first started....you had me and i was with you until the, "my chest is infested with mold" line. this seemed a bit forced. as does the rest of the poem as you go on. i think that with just a few changes this poem would be really nice. just try to get back in the mood you were in when you first started to write this poem and then it should all flow out quite nicely. good job anyway =)

I agree with the other comments. Your wording and rhythm was great in the beginning, then you started rhyming. you began forcing yourself and thinking too much. I true poem comes from the heart. Keep trying and keep writing.

~Kare

Okay, I LOVE this poem!!! Although I don't get the whole cold/mold thing. The rhyming thing does need a little more work, but overall this is a good start for a great poem. You can add to it by putting more emotion into it, that may help. You can also clean up the pattern of your words. If you want. You might also want to clean up the pattern of your rhymes, your rhythm speeds up and slows down alot. OKay, I believe that's everything that I can find. Hope this helps.

Keep writing!!!
Teddy