Love Me Perfect

Love me perfect
Just show me you can try
Doesn’t have to be forever
Just before I die

Love me perfect
So I can sleep tonight
Show me kindness
Just for a time

Love me perfect
Take me away somewhere
Where no else exists
But only as long as you care

Love me perfect
Don’t let hurt come
Disappear my scars
So I can escape feeling numb

Love me perfect
Fake it all if you must
Because even if it’s unreal
Its just a moment I have to trust

Love me perfect
Before you say goodbye
And when you’re done
I’ll be complete enough to die

Wow.

I love it when it rhymes; I cannot rhyme, and I envy you for that.

But the main things I love about this are 1) how it flows. It's very smooth. You move from one point to the other with no difficulty. 2) This is the perfect love poem. "Love me perfect..." Kinda makes me think of how I feel when a loved one is around, that being with them is all I need and want at that particular moment, and being satisfied with that. Your poem demonstrates that very well. And 3) your descriptions. Telling each and every feeling and sensation helps accentuate that demonstration.

This one gets a star.

Keep up the good work!

Hey!
OK, I love your poem! It flows so beautifully!
But there is just one little thing!
Punctuation.
Remember a line break isn't a pause, but a comma is.
Some punctuation at the end of each line would make it a lot easier to read out loud - a great way to check is by reading out loud after it's done.
Apart from that, great work!!

Keep writing!

Pgsgirl x

i love this poem.
Especially the way u written it with natural Rhymes :]

Keep writing & cant wait to read more

this is a gorgeous poem. There isn't anything I can find wrong with it, but I just loved it so much that I had to comment on it.
well done it rhymes wonderfully and is beautiful.

Love me perfect,
Just show me you can try,
Doesn’t have to be forever,
Just before I die.
Ok, I've put some simple punctuation in here, I'll do that the whole way through. Apart from that, this stanza is cute, rhyming and it flows well. A nice start.

Love me perfect,
So I can sleep tonight,
Show me kindness,
Just for a time.
The rhyming and the rhythm is a little off here. I'm a bit picky about what words are used to rhyme and "tonight" and "time" really don't work, especially since there are so many words that rhyme with tonight! Also, the last two lines don't fit in rhythm and syllable wise. To fix these problems you could change it to
"Show me some kindness,
Just hug and hold me tight" (I know that's not very good - just off the top of my head. You get the picture.)

Love me perfect,
Take me away somewhere,
Where no else exists,
But only as long as you care.
The rhythm and flow also seem a little off here. Try:
Love me perfect,
PleasetTake me somewhere,
Where no-one else exists,
But only if you care.
Sounds a lot better just by adding and removing words!

Love me perfect,
Don’t let hurt come,
Disappear my scars,
So I can escape feeling numb.
When I read this, the rhyme felt very forced. However, for some reason when I changed it a tiny bit, it sounded pretty good.
Love me perfect,
Don't let the hurt come,
Disappear my scars,
So that I escape numb.

Love me perfect,
Fake it all if you must,
Because even if it’s unreal,
Its just a moment I have to trust.
Take away the "all" in the second line and "just" in the last and you have a very nice stanza!

Love me perfect,
Before you say goodbye,
And when you’re done,
I’ll be complete enough to die.
I don't want to change this at all! It's a perfect ending.

Overall: It's a very sad, but somewhat sweet (no, I don't know what I'm talking about either) poem. If you make a few changes, it will be perfect. Well done!

Keep writing!
Aqua X

Okay, this is a very sweet poem. You just need to watch out for the rhythm of the poem. It sort of gets off track near to end, so you might want to clean that up a bit. I like how you repeated the line "Love me tender" it fits well, where as in other poems it just takes up space. The imagery could use a bit more, I want to feel the emotions of the speaker. Try to put a little bit more detail into it as well. All in all, it is a very good poem. You have a bright future on poetry.

Keep writing!
Teddy

This poem is good.
I really like the message & poemtic devices.