Imaginary Friends - Chapter 1

I really like this idea-- imaginary friends that personify themselves to help him work through his problems.
I know names aren't usually critiqued but..
a scientist named Jake? Not even jake, phd? And sure, bob is a logical name. It's also the name of everyone's imaginary friend.
Yeah; that's going to irritate me. But the idea was pretty fantastic~ and I like how you mixed a little philosophy into your story. Though I suppose its nearly impossible to talk about the way the brain relates information to itself without dabbling in some sort of philosophy.
And that line about imaginary enemies steering him amiss really piqued my interest.
There are some grammatical nitpicks but, amigo, its midnight.
Maybe I'll post more tomorrow; until then,
~Meagan

I liked this! It was clever and creative and very well written!

Awesome job!

I loved how you made each of his friends the very imbodiment of what they are in his brain such as logic. It was great!

Keep up the awesome work!

-Irish

This is a very intriguing piece of writing

It's pretty unique, and also very simple.

I'm definitely excited about the other chapters, because I'm very much interested in the rest of the plot?

I think bringing in some more characters that are more imaginary friends can be a bit overwhelming, but I think an Imaginary-Enemy, like you mentioned breifly, would be exciting and definitely cause some friction.
Of course, it would be an enemy you could not run away from.

There's not much I can say wrong about the piece, except grammatical stuff.
I suppose you're storytelling is great, but the writing is just good. There's nothing specifically amazing about it, but it doesn't really matter because I was absorbed in the story. It's a good thing anyway.

But yes, it was very very good

Haha the talent here is amazing. Well done on that fantastically written piece, just a few problems.

There's too much dialogue in it. And the thoughts count as dialogue also. Pause every now and then for descriptions.
Which leads me to the next problem, there is virtually little if any descriptions. Where is the main character? What is there around him? What is it like in his mind? I want to know more about this world they're in.

Other than that, keep writing dear because the plot is great.

Ooh, I like the idea behind this... So much potential.

A couple of notes:

1) You jump into the action so fast with this story that I don't really have time to build up a rapport with the characters. We jump right into Phillip's breakup, but honestly at this point no one really cares for the guy. We may feel sorry for him, but we're not really into his pain yet. We just don't know him or the girl well enough. How old is he? How long has he had imaginary friends? Does he have conversations like this often? Maybe a little more lead up there?

And jumping off that idea, at first it seems like Phillip knows about Bob and Jake and has for a while. But then it suddenly is like he doesn't know about them or what they are at all. Maybe put in some stuff earlier about how these are his imaginary friends, then slowly he realizes more and more that they are real as they keep popping up places? What exactly is his relationship with these guys?

2) Bob's dialogue is a little funky. He goes from sounding really formal:

“Also Philip,” Bob said slowly and carefully, trying to sound helpful and nice but firm, “these sort of relationships at this age of life never mean anything because for one guys only go for the meat hardly the heart, and girls for a bit of false ‘closeness’.”

...then suddenly he seems to have this accent and is a bit more laid-back:

“Come on Jake,” Bob exclaimed sighing, “give the kid a break. He’s not gunna understand this. Take it easy.”

So which is it? It seems like Bob is the logical one, then Jake comes in and he is the logical one (despite what Bob says) and Bob is the laid-back goofball. It just needs to be a little bit more consistent, especially in such a short time.

3)

A wet patch at his feet slowly grew bigger.

This really confused me for a sec. Is he crying and it is getting the ground wet? This just did not read well for me. Can you explain it a little more?

But like I said, I love the idea. I want to see where this is going!

~GryphonFledgling