I am

I am

Born to turn away my eyes from deception.
Cover my ears from lies and shurt my lips,
rather than deprave those succeptible if I may
fail to repremand my conceptions for their misconceptions.
I must blind myself in order to discover
the disorder in the fantasies of my mind's eye.
I'll strike the world blind and purge the percievinging eye,
for in that way I might find what I am.

And that is blind.

Might I say that this left me speechless? This essence of this poem was just perfect. My only advice can be a quick correction of spelling, and a suggestion as to sentence structure.

Ray112 wrote:I am

Born to turn away my eyes from deception.
Cover my ears from lies and shurt my lips,
rather than deprave those succeptible if I may
fail to repremand my conceptions for their misconceptions.

In the first line, I believe it would be easier to understand if you said, "Born to turn my eyes away from deception." I don't know; "turn away my eyes" just doesn't seem to flow very well, to me.

It's probably a typo, but did you mean "shut" my lips? Also, "susceptible" should be spelled as I just did, and "reprimand," also.

After the first line in this here, did you mean to put a comma instead of a period. If it was meant to be a period, I don't think the second part is really a complete sentence. Of course, you have poetic license, so you don't even have to listen to that last statement.

Ray112 wrote:I must blind myself in order to discover
the disorder in the fantasies of my mind's eye.
I'll strike the world blind and purge the percievinging eye,
for in that way I might find what I am.

And that is blind.

Perceivinging here should be perceiving, but first, I must ask you a question. Are you, in reality, blind? Nevertheless, the last line: genius.

Ray112 wrote:I must blind myself in order to discover
the disorder in the fantasies of my mind's eye.

I really liked this line. It explains so much; like what you image and how you view it.
i like how you said "discover the disorder..." I thought was really crafty to come up with something like that.
good job!

lol no i'm not blind. In the poem I'm really just pointing out that if all we see is light and our mind is what creates our world, then how do we know if this is reality? Therefore in a sense maybe we're all blind.

Are You?

WOW!
I loved this poem!!
The essence is fabulous, but I agree with the others... a spellchecker would be a good idea
Keep writing - I like your style!
Pgsgirl x

This is a good poem...but then again im kinda confused.
Other than that its a good poem.
Keep it up.

i like this. i actually feel like i can relate 2 it a lot.

Ray112 wrote:Born to turn away my eyes from deception.

i interpreted this as being told 2 turn from these bad things however after a time of doing such you become blind to 'deception' all together form your failure to recognize it early on.

Ray112 wrote:I must blind myself in order to discover
the disorder in the fantasies of my mind's eye.

also like these lines here. very well written.

such depth!such passion! beautifully written, it was quite possibly beyond my comprehension. The way you string words together is magical. Some writers (me for example) simply slap a story together, drizzle on a few squirts of emotion, a dash of heart, and hidden beneath layers of sloppy wording, a like for writing may not exist. Yours on the otherhand,wow! Perfect. A perfect,smooth shaping of words, a delicate emotion-filled center, and a strong love for writing is a carefully spread on chocolate frosting. Keep up the wonderful work!

..those were cakes.

-Tobaielle

Beautiful! Shows brilliance in a brilliant poet! Simply amazed me - your talent truly did. I loved everything about this piece. No criticism. Take care.