I know this story is horrid, because I wrote it for the “Worst Literature” contest by ThornedRose. You don’t need to review it or edit it.
The first day of school for Sam was boring. Actually, everything was boring. Her life was boring. Her teachers were boring. Her school was boring. Everyone in it was utterly boring, including Sam. There’s no way getting around it.
First, let’s talk about Sam. She was an obese little girl around twelve years of age. Sam liked eating. A lot. Even though she found the food boring, she ate it nonetheless, because she was insecure and Lord knows that boring child needed something, anything, to make her feel better. So she ate. But then again, so did all the other obese children in this boring little town.
While everyone tried not to focus on her weight, Sam had other features hidden behind the rolls of fat. Her hair was boring brown too. That was always a constant, because she never dyed it or anything like that. No one in her town did, because they thought it looked too interesting. God-forbid they looked a bit interesting. Oh, her height was 4’ 7”. It was average and boring. She had boring brown eyes, except when she was angry. They turned a bright orange when that happened. Everyone else had their eyes do that too, but guess what? No one found it interesting.
Every aspect of Sam’s life was boring until one day she met a frog. The frog hopped and went ribbet, ribbet just like any other frog in the neighborhood did. Only this one was different and Sam could tell. It was a magical frog. And an amazing thing happened- Sam found interest in something for once in her life.
So, naturally, she took the interesting little critter home and put it in a box where it couldn’t leave. There was no escaping the clutches of Sam, the evil, obese little girl. She hid the box with the interesting frog in her closet that was filled with the same gray, boring skirt and sweater-vest she wore everyday. After that was taken care of, Sam went to go stuff her face with tasteless bread, so she could pack on the carbs before dinner was ready.
At dinner, Sam and her boring parents ate more flavorless bread, but only this time she had it with a boring glass of water. Her boring mother had the nerve to ask her what had happened at school. Sam gave the same response as always, nothing. Sam’s boring father, trying to pry into her boring personal life, asked how her day had been. The difference between the two questions was few and far between, but she surprisingly gave a different response than what was usual. Instead of saying it was boring she said it was okay. This startled her parents.
“Why’s that?” her father asked.
“Because it was,” she said. A boring response.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
And it went from there, everyone not talking or making a sound. Just like every dinner Sam had in her home.
After dinner, Sam went upstairs to go to bed. She’d already done her homework, and any other after-school activity just seemed to exciting for any child to handle, so all kids were lulled into a boring sleep directly after dinner. They had to be well-rested so they could start another boring day of their boring life.
Only this night, Sam decided to rummage through her closet. She wanted to find the frog, the one she’d sensed was magical. Something told her it would be amusing. As soon as she tore through all the boring clothes, Sam picked up the box and proceeded to shake it. Sam was waiting for something wonderful to happen, but nothing came of beating up the poor, half-dead froggy.
“Do something you stupid, boring frog!” Sam screamed at the box. She then opened it to find the frog with its long tongue lolling out of its mouth and limp body sprawled across his tight quarters. This was uninteresting, so Sam disposed of the boring frog. Then she was off to bed.
In her dreams, Sam was in boring old school writing down school assignments on her boring desk. It was the usual dream, that was until a frog hopped onto her desk.
“Do you want to hear a story?”
Sam looked down to see the frog sitting right in front of her boring brown eyes. She nodded her head because she was bored of school. No one ever got to hear stories except in school and they were boring.
“Once upon a time, there was a bonny princess. She was thin, beautiful, and blonde, like an overweening cheerleader. While primping in her rodomontade, a Lillipution polliwog vaulted toward her and commenced to verbalize with the Homo sapien. He articulated a tactic unscrupulous that the monarchical princess jibed its awesomosity. They commenced to prevail the sphere jointly, therefor the princess jilted her kingdom for domination of something resplendent.
“You are the princess, Sam. Collaborate with me!” the frog pronounced. Sam blinked dumbly at the frog, too bored to understand anything he just told her.
“Er... I’m not blonde.” Though she acted it.
“Don’t fret, young princess. I’ll transform you into this peremptory figure. Just do as I say!” the frog commanded.
“Uh. . . sure.” Sam was bored and her tummy rumbled in her dream. She thought about stuffing her face while the frog ruminated.
The frog had his lips twitch into a roguish smile as he spurred his amaranthine affection to this portly ingénue. She simpered in return, because this frog stirred something deep within the dark, cavern-like recesses of her black heart.
“Princess, before I permute you into an ogre- I mean cheerleader. . . you give birth to osculating me!” The frog spat in her face on the last part while screaming. She screwed up her ugly face, but still managed to look completely bored. Nothing the frog had said reached her miniscule encephalon.
The frog was repulsed by her stupidity, so he said, “Kiss me, you fool!”
Sam had never kissed anyone in her life, hence her excitement. She reached down to the tiny thing and planted a huge, wet, fat kiss right on his slimy lips.
“Awesome,” she yelled, while watching herself, “but why aren’t I a cheerleader princess?”
“Because I’m a villain, just like you said you’d be! Mwahahahaha!”
And then Sam woke up, bored as ever. There was no evil frog trying to take over the world, just the boring dead one in her garbage can.
The End.
