Prologue

Pirate Raid


Clipping from The Kingston Daily


27 July, 1722

We believed that we had our victory secured when the crews of Cpt. Sam Bellamy, Blackbeard and Bartholomew Roberts were eliminated from Caribbean waters.

However, with recent events taken into account, we can see that the remaining pirate crews are not ready to admit defeat.

Yesterday, the colony of Port Royal, rebuilt after the 1692 hurricane which took it into the sea, suffered a devastating pirate attack by the hands of Cpt. John O'Hara, and the flagship of his crew, The April Hawk. The navy fortress, once a pirate safe haven, is in horrifying condition - homes burned, shops destroyed, lives lost. They came in the middle of the night, taking the sleeping city by surprise.
"I was in bed," said James Lucas, the local tailor, "And I was awakened to the sound of cannons. My wife and I hid in the bushes surrounding our home to keep safe."

The Royal Navy is expected to visit tomorrow to provide food and aid to the survivors. Carpenters have been called, and damages will begin to be repaired as soon as possible.

May God curse the wretched souls of the attackers, and let the ones who perished rest in peace.

Heya! I'm cottonrulz, and I'm here to review your piece (obviously - this isn't just me saying 'hello!')

I liked this. It wasn't massive explosions, guns and an assassin running swiftly away over a line of parked cars, but captivating all the same. Well, obviously the whole guns-and-bombs thing wouldn't work, because this is set in 1722 - even though they were probably about in that time, just not as good as they are now. You don't even need to have the date there, really, as it's clear from the following writing when this is set: during the time of pirates in the West Indies/Caribbean islands. So double thumbs up on that, since I've found writing in a different style to the modern one I'm so used to difficult. But don't delete the date. It's good!

Just a couple of thoughts I had that might make your words fit the era better, although you've done a fantastic job of that yourself

We believed that we had our victory secured when the crews of Cpt. Sam Bellamy, Blackbeard and Bartholomew Roberts were eliminated from Caribbean waters.

Might I suggest: "We believed that our victory had been secured when the crews of Cpt. Sam Bellamy, Blackbeard and Bartholomew Roberts were eliminated from Caribbean waters." I dunno, what you wrote as a first sentence was good and a very authentic opener to a newspaper article, but the phrasing made the tenses slightly confusing for me.

Carpenters have been called, and damages will begin to be repaired as soon as possible.

Hmm. Something about the word "called" here seems a bit... odd to me, but maybe it works and I'm just being picky. But in this time, communication would have been letters, right? So maybe "notified" or "requested" or "contacted", rather than called, because in my head that is so linked to a phone.

Overall, a lot has been done with very few words. I like the use of an impartial voice to open your story, and I'll be keeping my eye out for the next parts. (sorry, I just wanted to use that. It looks so cool!)
~*cottonrulz*~

Hey Rose,
I liked how you used a newspaper article as your prologue. Now is your story going to be about the pirates, or their victims? It was short, simple, to the point and gave us a taste of the story, though like I mentioned before I'm not sure which direction you're going with it. Sorry this was so short Cottonrulz already got the nitpicks but I just wanted to let you know I liked your prologue.

~Dakota

Hmmm. I like it. This could be neat in a book, all decked out like a ancient newspaper. I'm excited to see where you go with this. Keep posting.