it's late

I'm not really sure why I can't sleep right now.

I'm tired. I'm awfully tired, but I'm not sleepy.

My mind.. God it wanders. But it keeps coming back to that. To the arms. The arms, and the muscles, and the chest that coincidentally does feel a lot like cold marble. No, no, he's not my Edward.. not even close. Well, I don't know, was it close? The L word was thrown around.. but hell if I know what that means. Did he love me? Or did he truly, madly, deeply.. love me? Certainly not the latter. Anywho, he is not. He is not the love of my life. He is not my forever and always.. Not that I would want him to be; I don't think I could deal with the constant stale cigarette breath.

But, oh God, my mind. It's THINKING, always, always THINKING. And I wish it just would stop because for some reason, the moment the lights go out, it is thinking of HIM. But why? Why only then? Why, when I lie down in the same bed in which I have slept so soundly for eighteen years, am I forced to think of HIM? It's got to be the fact that I'm just longing for male companionship, right? I'm just lonely? Or perhaps I'm just horny , right? Why, is the longing SO INTENSIFIED when the lights go out. I lie there, and I lie there, and I JUST CAN'T SLEEP. The thoughts intertwine; they merge with one another so that they are there and so vivid, yet they make no sense at all. They typically begin with him, of course, and then move on, and slowly I am beginning to succumb to the light and airiness of the thoughts that become dreams, only to be interrupted by the lingering suggestion of uncomfort. And that, of course, triggers my body to involuntarily shift. Then it starts over.

I'm so TIRED, though.. Even as I sit here now, I can think, but I can't think STRAIGHT. The perfect words do not come to me. They're there. The opportunities to use them are as bright as day but I can never grasp that perfect WORD. And my head just hurts. It just hurts from being in use for so long, from not getting to rest. But it won't rest, when given the chance. It just longs and longs, and yearns, and longs some more. Just for HIM. Just for that sense of comfort. Just for those arms.. just for those arms to be wrapped around me, where nothing is there to be thought at all. There is nothing for me to think about, because the thoughts.. well, the thoughts, they have become reality.

Oh my gosh, I love the ending, about your thoughts becoming reality!
It makes me feel like there are many more people that feel the same way about what I was feeling recently, but the ending just caught me off guard and planted a smile on my face.
This is really good! I loved it, and it was also written very, very well!
The "Horny " part made me laugh so hard , it was a good touch.
I could not find one single nitpick in this peice, so good job, and please keep writing!