Faery Finishing School Chapter 6.

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Unfortuantely our parade was rained on not a minute later by a siren sounding. All of the girls sighed and looked upset, and I'm guessing that I looked confused.
"What does the siren mean?" I asked.
"Daily check up to see how much our wings have grown, if at all," Cleopatra was the one who spoke up. I tried to think of a way this could be bad, but nothing came to mind.
"It's really embarassing, trust me on this," Tamara said seriously. Matte had walked up to the wall during our discussion and now she was saying,
"Savynatlo lunch room." Then Cleopatra swung me into the wall and the rest of the girls followed. This time I could see all of our memories, and the weird thing was, they were interacting with eachother. I tried to ask Cleopatra how they were doing so, but when I spoke, no sound came out, only a big purplish bubble. All of the girls laughed (I think) at me and a whole bunch of bubbles started to fly all over the place. When we were finally on the other side we were breathless from so much laughing. We still managed to giggle some, though, and it sounded like we were dying donkies. Deidrum flew (wow) over to us and asked what was wrong.
"Pandora tried to talk on the way here and we all burst out laughing," Matte said breathlessly. Deidrum looked like the weight of the earth had been lifted off her shoulders.
"Good, good. Pandora, have you taken the medicine I gave to you?" She asked calmly. Suddenly I felt nauseus. Apparently, I'm not sick unless I'm reminded. I gagged on some puke and pulled out the pills.
"I'd better do that," I said, almost choking on the puke that continued to drag itself up my throat. Deidrum instantly looked worried again and said another spell in front of me.
"She just has fever, right Deidrum?" asked Cleopatra. Deidrum's brows furrowed.
"Did you see anyone before coming here?" she asked which made all of the girls look worried. I frowned, trying to remember.
"Only my boyfriend, who you met, the nurse, my parents, all of gym class..."
"The nurse and gym class? Why?" Deidrum cut me off.
"Well I fainted after Cleopatra did the sign thingy in front of me and I woke up in the nurse's office..."
"Did the nurse tell you to do anything?" Deidrum cut me off again.
"She just asked if I wanted her to call my parents," I said, finally completing a sentence.
"Did anyone talk to you in the gym?" Deidrum asked, looking as frustrated as a frog that doesn't know how to swim. I thought for a moment about that.
"Just my boyfriend. But," I added, blushing horribly," the whole baseball team saw my wings." Deidrum looked even more worried and said a spell quickly. A beautiful woman with short brunet hair and glowing golden eyes appeared in front of us.
"Janette," she said. Then she said some incomprhensible words to her, and I figeted in place, wondering what was wrong with me. Deidrum said another spell in front of me when Janette dissapeared and I started to feel a tingleing sensation in my nose, whichh spread through my whole body.
What the hell, I thought.

I'm not done! Just have to get off of the computer for a few minutes, but please critic!!
Faerie world, a secret place
Where wing-ed things dwell
Ones from heaven, ones from hell.
Beware the consequences.
Don't you wrong them as you greet
And open all your senses.
Many rules have to be obeyed.
Break any...and in Faerie you stay




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I can't wait till you write the rest! ^w^
This story is so exciting..
May all your dreams come true.. (even the ones they laughed at).




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Hello Taytay! First off, just want to say that I think the general idea of this is pretty cool and unique. I have always been a big fan of faeries, and still am. Just be cautious- working with well-known mythological figures such as faeries, dragons, unicorns, etc, can get cliche very fast. I've only read this one part of a chapter (I'm planning on finding the beginning and starting over from there) but so far it seems un-cliche, so good job!

A few spelling mistakes:

Unfortunately our parade was rained on not a minute later by a siren sounding.


Suddenly I felt nauseous. Apparently, I'm not sick unless I'm reminded.


YWS used to have a spell-check thing in the posts, but I suppose it's not on this new forum. Still, make sure to check the spelling of any words you're uncertain of, or, better yet, simply run your work through an online spell check.


Also, be careful about showing, not telling. The first rule of a writer is to show, not tell, and you seem to be telling the reader a lot, even if it is in conversation. Such as the bubbly-laughing thing (I'm sorry! I'm not sure what else to call it).

There are some other things, but I'm being dragged off somewhere for "family time" (urgh). I'll look up the first chapter when I come back and start from there.

Keep writing =]!

.Doctor
|Doctor is prone to rants. Slap her if she starts rambling.|



The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.
— Richard Price