Him

He is there for me
And I for him
He likes me
I like him.

We have alot in common
So we know how to make
Each other laugh
And we both laugh.

He helped me out of my shell
Said he'll always be there
I believe him
Because he makes it easy
For me to trust him.

He challenges me
To go after the truth
He is amazing
I want to see him through.

The outside isn't cute
But it's the inside
That I want to
Pay attention to.

If i could see him
Like God does
Outside wouldn't matter
Because I would see him through
Thats all I want to do.

Hm. I'm not hugely into this.
It's kind of the average, the concept- boy meets girl, they fall in love, save each other, mean the world to each other, blah, blah, blah.
It's a very old, tired, cliched concept o make and you do not really do anything i different or unique.
So it is a let down for me. You really, really really need to go over this and try to make it pop, make it unique, add some whimsical language, put another element to it, like the man is already married or the narrater is dieing, in other words add some type of complacation.
You can tell the story in a series of flashbacks, make a series of poems, a short story, or a fulll blown novel.
There are so many things you can do to to this.
This idea is very difficult to create to anything good let alone great.
Keep working on it.

Vera

Thanks. But the reason why its not as deep as it should be is because i havent felt that deep yet. You see? I cant write it cause i havent felt it.
But when i do i will fix it up. It just might take time. ha.

Hey Babygirl! What's up?

First off, I think your poem is well written, and you don't have any errors in grammar or punctuation that I noticed.

The major problem with your poem is that it's cliche. I know you have a nice message in it, but it seems too generic. It's been heard before.

Since I'm not in the mood for nitpicks, I'll just tell you one thing. There are countless novels, songs, poems and stories about love. A lot of them are unique in their own way. Go to the library, and skim a few of these. Maybe you'll get ideas on how to make your poem unique.

Thanks. And yaah i will totally look into that.

This is a really good poem. I can relate to what u wrote about. Good job on writing it... My opinion is its great the way it is.

Thanks, I appreciate it.
I need to find more things to write about...
....im runnin out of ideas....ugh. ha.

babygirl12 wrote:He is there for me
And I for him
He likes me
I like him.

We have alot in common
So we know how to make
Each other laugh
And we both laugh.

OK
So this poem is good, but I'm a little confused.
Is it supposed to rhyme?? Sometimes it half does, sometimes it doesn't and sometimes it does.
Some punctuation at the end of lines would be good too, it breaks it up. A good way to check is by reading it out loud - remember a comma is a pause.
All in all, I like it!

And remember, "a lot" is two words.

Thankyou and sorry just forgot. Ooops. Ha.