Three Marks

Three Marks

All alone in a crowded place
Thriving off revolt and counterfeit grace
Just a mortal that’s clashing with space
Outlined with grudge and blood stained lace

Three marks after each question
Mind overflowing with aggression
Trying to surrender to my obsession
While flying high on wrong discretion

Pushing through the empty gateway
Minds are bursting on screaming freight ways
Tomorrow’s craze will shadow today’s
Despite hopeless attempts to cut it away

Three marks on a bloody conscious
Try as one may the voices persist
Failing, falling beneath the abyss
In vain, all I ask for is
One.
Last.
Kiss.

First off, excellent poem. Very vivid, and excellent choice of topic. However, there was no punctuation until the very end. In some poems, that's acceptable, but it's a very special case when it is. I like your rhyming scheme. It's pretty effective if you aren't really paying attention to it, and even more so when you are. Just a couple of things I noticed.

bassplayinfreak3 wrote:Just a mortal that’s clashing with space
Outlined with grudge and blood stained lace

I think I'd like this line better with "that's" taken out, so it reads, "Just a mortal, clashing with space / Outlined with grudge and blood-stained lace." (Since "blood-stained" is one adjective for "lace", it needs to be hyphenated.)

Three marks after each question
Mind overflowing with aggression
Trying to surrender to my obsession
While flying high on wrong discretion

I'm thinking "Three marks after every question" and "While flying high on ill discretion". Just a suggestion.

Three marks on a bloody conscious

Did you mean "conscience" rather than "conscious"? "Conscious" is "awake, alert"; "conscience" is your moral compass.

Failing, falling beneath the abyss

You can't fall under a huge hold. "Into the abyss".

Overall, an excellent poem with great imagery and a powerful message.

Excellent job, keep it up,
kf