As I sit alone

Feel Free To Critique!



Writing this poem, as I sit alone
People wonder why I'm hiding;
Inside my invisible shield.

I listen to the silence of the air
Feeling the beat of my heart,
As though it is empty, it is ever so bare.

Writing this poem, as I sit alone
People wonder why I'm so concealed.

I remember the memories; the vague past
Of the good times, that I wish hadn't went by so fast.

Writing this poem, as I sit alone
People wonder why I've never been revealed.

I keep the real soul of "me"
Inside of this human body,
For it is just a suit of armor,
That barely protects
I wish life was easy, without regrets.

Writing this poem, as I sit alone
Tell me, now do you know?





NOTE: this has a sort of personal twist on it. you may or may not understand what this poem means. sorry in advance if it is to vague, or lacks being specific!

aww how sad. =/ you seemed happy last night!

I guess I should try to review this then.

I listen to the silence of the air
Feeling the beat of my heart,
As though it is empty, it is ever so bare.

I think you should change the middle sentence to "Feel the beating of my heart" it flows better.

I'm still debating in my head on whether or not I should say take out the pieces where you say you're writing a poem. But then it fits because you're trying to send a message out and by doing that, you're writing a poem.

While it is personal, you want to be a clear as you can so that others can really feel your pain.

Hope you feel better!