True Beauty

When you look into the mirror,
what do you find?

Are you angry at God
for the way you’re designed?

You see acne,
crooked teeth,
and messed up hair

Body fat,
pale white skin,
and the frown you wear.

You see a body
that’s never good enough.

You put on the make up,
but it’s all a bluff.

You obsess in fashion;
you buy new clothes
all the time.

You straighten your hair
and get your nails done;
on this you spend every dime.

But stop what you’re doing;
Look inside your heart.

You are beautiful
as God’s perfect work of art.

Physical beauty
will never last;
it fades with time.

Someday you’ll be old
with gray hair
you can’t fix with every dime.

Then it won’t matter
what you looked like at sixteen.

So listen my child
to me, not to the magazine.

Your Father in heaven
loves you
just as you are.

Spend your days
pleasing God
and you’ll go far.

The guy who loves you for your appearance
is no true friend.

But God’s love for you
will never end.

I like it, I like the flow and the rhyme. Is was really easy to keep reading down.

You straighten your hair
and get your nails done;
on this you spend every dime.

I think the last line of this verse can be better it's a little redundant. Maybe you can just shorten it to "spending every dime." I think any reader will know what you were spending every dime on.

Someday you’ll be old
with gray hair
you can’t fix with every dime.

That last sentence is disrupting the flow again. Maybe you could put "No use spending the dimes."

It was a great poem and the message was clear, just a few change ups and it can be perfect.

P.S. I don't know about you but I read it like it was a rap song haha, was that how you intended it?

I enjoyed the overall ease and flow of this song. I am glad you chose to post this as lyrics instead of as a poem, because one can see where little changes in rhyme scheme would be criticized in poetry, but not in song.

Note to the above reviewer: As stated in "What the Lyric Poetry Section is For," this area of the literature forums is not for song lyrics, but for lyric poetry. Thus, I shall treat the poem as such.

The jaunty rhythm as kaiden seems to point out, is appropriate to the accusatory tone of the speaker. However, I can see a few problems with the rest of the piece. Mainly, the use of enjambement seems redundant, owing really to the lack of strong images throughout the piece to carry the reader.

And this is what your poem seems to be crying out for: images. Images are great for poets because they help pull the reader right into the action; they defamilarise what's happening, forcing them to get sucked right in. In other words, it shows rather than tells. At the moment, the well thought out metre seems to be the only thing going for your poem: having something else to chew on will make your poem that much more pleasant!

E.g. Instead of having this rather mundane sentence, that does nothing for the audience except spoonfeed:

"You obsess in fashion;
you buy new clothes
all the time."

Why not turn this into an image? Try this:

"Clothes ripped from magazine covers
Leap out at you every waking minute."

Something like that. Let the reader gather from themselves what's going on, rather than having it all neatly laid out for them. Enjambement works best when it heightens the effect of language; dramatic, powerful images will help you with this.

Good luck! Keep writing!

Gahks