Faery Finishing School Chapter 5

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 16
I know some of y'all have been saying I need to make my chapters longer, so this one will be extra long. :D

"You're the weird goth girl!" I yelled stupidly, in shock. She rolled her eyes at me.
"No, I'm Cleopatra,your roommate, who had to put on a disguise to leave the Faery Finishing School to go change you,"she said matter-of-factly. I looked at her for a second then decided she didn't look goth anymore. Her black hair was up in a cute french braid that had a pink ribbon tied to the end, she was wearing a cute pink tee with a dimpled smiley face on it and about knee high shorts, and she was wearing pink flip-flops. Nope, deffinately not goth. In fact, If she hadn't have had compleatly black eyes, I would have called her girly.
"Oh, um, sorry. It's just I remembered your face so..." I began only to be interupted by a noncholent Cleopatra.
"Forget about it, I don't care. So what's your name roomie?" she said, instantly warming up to me."Pandora. You know like with the box?" I said. "Just wondering, but could you teach me the spell to get out of here? I'm kind of hungry." Cleopatra laughed and said,
"Yeah. Just say 'savynatlo' and then where ever you're going. Oh, but if you say home, you will come here. You would have to say parent's home to go to your actual house you used to live in." I voiced my thanks to her.
"Can we go to the cafeterica whenever we want?" I asked.
"No," she said," but we can go to the snack bar whenever we want. I'll come with you." I nodded and walked up to the wall (or petal?) then murmured,
"Savynatlo-snackbar." Then walked into the wall, this time with my eyes open.

What can I say? Oh. My. God. The place was like a whole different demention, with flowers, my room, both of them, my dad, dead mom, all of my pets, floating around me. I could just vaguly see Cleopatra walking next to me and could only guess what she was seeing. It took us about a five minutes to walk through ten feet of that demention, but that's only because we had to push our way through memories (or at least that's what I suspected it to be) and our memories were fresh and almost real.
"Oh. My. God," I said for the second time that day. Then I puked up my guts right there in front of everyone in the snack bar flower. Cleopatra said a spell and I stopped puking.
"Did I forget to mention that I have the flu?" I asked, trying to make a joke. Cleopatra just looked concerned.
"I don't think you need to eat right now while you're puking your guts up. Let's go see Deidrum." She grabbed my arm, dragged me to the wall and said,"Savynatlo-headmaster's office," then pulled me through all of the memories.
This time we entered a building that I suspected was somewhere in the castle, that had simple gray stones, a desk, window, and three seats; one behind the desk and two in front of it.
"Yes ladies?" Deidrum asked. Then she looked at my face, which I'm guessing was a puke shade of green, and rushed over to help me take a seat.

"What's wrong Pandora?" She asked, looking even more worried that Cleopatra.
"Just the flu. You know? Horrible migrains and throwing up in the snack bar before I eat anything. No biggie," I said, trying not to sound nauseaus. She looked thoughtful for a moment then recited a spell in front of me.
"Okay, it is the flu," she finally answered. She gave me a small pill and told me to take it three times a day until I was better.
"This should make you feel better in about a week's time. Now Cleopatra, why don't you go introduce Pandora to some of your friends?" Cleopatra nodded and said,"Savynatlo-Matte and Tiffany's room," then dragged me through the memories.
~~~~~*~~~~~
There are only two words that can even begin to describe Matte and Tamara: Messy and Gorgeous. They look like all of the cheerleaders at my school combined into two to make super pretty cheerleaders that harbor a pig in their room.
"Oh. My. God," I said, not knowing what else to say. Cleopatra chuckled then introduced us all.
"Hi Pandora!" Matte said, basically jumping off the walls, which, in result, made her Taylor Swift hair go everywhere. Tamara, a beautiful girl who looked like an african princess, shook my hand an said,
"Have you looked at your wings yet?" What can I say? Oh. My. God. I had compleatly forgotten about them until now. I rushed over to a mirror hung on the wall and looked at them. Oh. My. God. They were beautiful. They looked like bat wings with gold, red, and green flecks all over them.
"No wonder the baseball team freaked," I said dazedly. I smiled at Tamara.
"Thanks for reminding me." Then I had a thought. "What do all of your wings look like?" Cleopatra showed me hers first. They looked like dragonfly wings, with tiger stripes all over them. When Matte turned around, they looked a lot like Tinkerbelle's wings (whom which I would later learn she was very fond of), and Tamara's wings... They looked like cow-print butterfly wings (whom which I would later learn she was fond of). What could I say?
"Oh. My. God." Did I mention I had a habit of saying oh my god too much?
Last edited by taytay0939 on Fri Aug 14, 2009 7:50 pm, edited 5 times in total.
Faerie world, a secret place
Where wing-ed things dwell
Ones from heaven, ones from hell.
Beware the consequences.
Don't you wrong them as you greet
And open all your senses.
Many rules have to be obeyed.
Break any...and in Faerie you stay




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 13247
Reviews 188
Ha ha ha!! Hilarious. :mrgreen:

I see a problem or two with this little extract.

I yelled (stupidly) in shock.

Ah! Brackets! Maybe use commas instead?
: I yelled stupidly, in shock.
: I yelled, stupidly in shock.
I dunno which one you're using. 'Tis a bit ambiguous.

"No i'm Cleopatra,your roommate,

Comma after "no".
Capitalise the "I" in "i'm"
Typo - may need to insert a space between the comma and "your".

Ha ha. PM me when you've got the rest up. :wink: Stupid me has reviewed the latest piece before the other chapters. :| I'll catch up.

~EmmaJane~
Your = Possession. Your shoes are so sweet!
You're = Omission. You're quite strange...

If you are confused about which to put, simply say in your mind "you are" and see if that fits the sentence. If not, you are looking for your.

Little Macey | Got YWS? | KOTS:BD



I'll actually turning 100 soon
— Ari11