Faery Finishing School Chapter 3

As you see, I'm not calling it the House of Moon and Stars anymore either. Now it's just Faery Finishing School. Sorry about any confusion!

By the time school would be about over I had come up with a plan and texted it to James. Bleep! I grabbed my phone. Gt it! :] Wat time do I pick u up? James had texted. Cum this way now!! :[ I sent back. He had to hurry otherwise I would die (And I would have the flu when I died). It was 3:25 when I heard the tapping of rocks against my bedroom window. James and I were also neighbors, so it didn't ever take him long to get here. I quickly ran over to and opened the window, throwing out all of my bags. I heard the thump of them landing on the ground so I yelled,
"Look out bellow!" then jumped out of my window. James smiled helped me and my bags on his motorcycle.

It took about 2 hours but we finally got to the big castle landmark (which I had received directions to through text from someone I don't know), but at least I hadn't died on the way there.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Before me stood a humongous castle made with black and gold painted rocks that I would supposedly be living in for the next 6 years while I "earned my wings". I looked around at the landscape, and it amazed me. I didn't know that so many flowers existed on the planet, let alone a boarding school's front lawn. Hell, I didn't even know that so many colors could exist in one small area. When I looked over at James, it seemed like he was thinking the same thing.

I again began studying the castle.


James looked at me with his handsome smile and said, with a sweeping bow and a very cheesy voice,

"After you, your highness." I punched his arm playfully to hide how stunned I was by the castle. I jumped off his motorcycle and started walking to the door.


Wow, I thought, this place is huge! I knowingly knocked on the door then jumped back in surprise when a beautiful woman opened it only a second later. She smiled warmly at me as I stared at her wings and marks in awe.


It looked like she had stolen a pair purple of butterfly wings to keep as her own.

"You must be the new sprite, Pandora," She said. I blushed and said stupidly,

"I have wings too." Then I realised she had called me a sprite.

"What's a sprite?" I asked her. She smiled again.

"Why, a Faery-to-be, of course," was the patient answer. "I am the headmaster here. You may call me Deidrum." I just stared at her.

She looked exactly like you would think a faery would look like. She was tall and thin, with beautiful golden hair flowing down her back to her waist and framed her gorgeouse ocean blue eyes. To top it all off she had perfectly tanned skin.

Then I imagined how James would react when he saw her.

Thank God he's not staying here, I thought. I was about to walk in when, speaking of the devil, James walked over to me. I blushed insanely when he grabbed my hand and kissed it, saying,

"Goodbye for now ma'lady!" Then James looked at Deidrum and, being his usual stupid self, said,

"If the guys look half as hot as her then I don't have a chance keeping you." I elbowed him in the ribs and smiled as sincerly as I could at Deidrum.

"I'm sorry about that. James was just leaving. Right James?" he frowned at me then said,

"Okay, I know when i'm not wanted. Bye Pendora!" I waved at him exhaustedly.

I'm so glad he can't embarass me during school, I thought. Deidrum smiled at me.

"Would you like to see your room?"

And this again.

This is just another version of your preface/prolouge. Like I said before, you are supposed to change it up. Usually the preface/proulge is her feelings on what is happening, little detail and then once the part finally comes into place its written and described differently.

Another tip on this, change the preface/prolouge so that what happens is during the final chapters of the book. It works well that way because by this point you have gotten to what the entire book is about and readers get bored with it.

--
The Gekko

Again! They have marks on their face, exactly like vampires in house of night.
Sorry for sounding repetetive but i don't think the story can be appreciated fully when the similarities to other books are so clear to people. It doesn't seem original. And again, this needs to be expanded on so much more! I want to know more about the characters and the landscape and, well everything really. The story is just moving way to fast. Please fix it because it could be really good!

Aqua X

Sup, Taytay.

By the time school would be about over I had come up with a plan and texted it to James. Bleep! I grabbed my phone. Gt it! :] Wat time do I pick u up? James had texted. Cum this way now!! :[ I sent back. He had to hurry otherwise I would die (And I would have the flu when I died). It was 3:25 when I heard the tapping of rocks against my bedroom window. James and I were also neighbors, so it didn't ever take him long to get here.

You can be much more inventive with this; she can make plans to leave the house to "meet her friends," or "go get a school project done," etc. You can have all sorts of fun with that- the suspense of her parents finding out, James possibly saying something to her parents, etc, etc. You can turn this into a few pages of adventure.

It took about 2 hours but we finally got to the big castle landmark (which I had received directions to through text from someone I don't know), but at least I hadn't died on the way there.


You can make this longer; is she shaky? Does she keep checking the mirrors? Does she have a nervous habit? What is she thinking? Details.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Before me stood a humongous castle made with black and gold painted rocks that I would supposedly be living in for the next 6 years while I "earned my wings". I looked around at the landscape, and it amazed me. I didn't know that so many flowers existed on the planet, let alone a boarding school's front lawn. Hell, I didn't even know that so many colors could exist in one small area. When I looked over at James, it seemed like he was thinking the same thing.


This description sounds a little dark for a fairy castle, in my opinion.

She looked exactly like you would think a faery would look like. She was tall and thin, with beautiful golden hair flowing down her back to her waist and framed her gorgeouse ocean blue eyes. (of course they were still noticable). To top it all off she had perfectly tanned skin.

It's probably just me, but I imagine the head fairy as a beautiful old woman with silver hair; why can't an old woman be beautiful? She could be the 'cool anime grandma' type. XD Also... why is the Headmaster greeting her?

I'm so glad he can't embarass me during school, I thought. Deidrum smiled at me.

This is strange; why is she in a relationship with him if she's not all that...jazzed up about him?

Still needs a few details; I'm interested to see where this goes.

*Seraph*