Faery Finishing School Chapter 2

When I woke up I was in the nurse's office, and I had a horrible migraine. I sat up, ignoring the waves of pain it caused, and coughed to get the nurse's attention.
"Um... I'm awake. What class period do I need to go to?" The nurse chuckled and said,
"Well dear, none. You have little faery wings and I'm sure that you should be heading to the Faery Finishing School pretty soon." Then I remembered. That weird goth girl had been a faery and she had made me into one as well. Wait a minute.
"Little wings?" I asked, realising that she had said that. The nurse nodded.
"Would you like me to contact your parents to come pick you up? You shouldn't be driving in your condition."
"No!" I yelled instantly. "I mean, no thank you. Could you excuse my boyfriend, James Thomason, long enough to take me home?" The nurse thought for a second.
"Okay," she decided," but not for too long." I smiled at her and voiced my thanks then asked,
"What class period is it?"
"5th period. Hurry now," she said, picking up her phone. Okay, James's 5th period is... P.E.! I ran to the gym and quickly found James among the other baseball players.
"James! We have to go to my place! Now!"I shouted at him above all the noise in the gym.
"What? Why?" he asked. I was wearing a shirt that showed almost my whole back so I turned around and flipped my hair out of the way of my 'little wings'. For a moment there was silence among the baseball players.
"Wow," James said stupidly. I rolled my eyes and dragged him to his motercycle.
"Your parents are going to freak," he said when he had started driving to my house.
"About what? You driving me here or me being a faery?" I asked, dripping with sarcasm. He and I both knew that my dad hated him.
"Um... both," he decided. He stopped at my driveway. I hopped off the motercycle and ran inside.
"Misty! Dad! Are y'all here?!" I yelled. Two grumpy parents walked down the stairs in their pajamas.
"Why aren't you at school?!" Misty yelled at me. I turned around and flipped my hair over. Both of them, my dad and Misty, gasped.
"If I don't go to the Faery Finishing School in 16 hours I'm going to die,"I explained to them. Misty looked happier than the day my dad had said that she could have a credit card that accessed his money. (She had only married my dad for his money, he was a rich salesman.) My Dad looked as unhappy as he had looked when he had finally given Misty the credit card that accessed his money.
"You aren't going to some Faery boarding school on my watch," he said sounding like the alpha male.
"But I'll die!" I screamed. He seemed to think about it then, but wasn't given a chance to agree with me.
"Your father's right, You shouldn't go. It's too dangerous!" I glared at her.
"Fine! But you need to thank James for me. He was the one who drove me here!" I practically growled at them. My dad went grumpily outside with a money hungry Misty right on his tail, giving me time to calm down.
"Okay, it's going to be okay. Just calm down Pandora. Calm down," I said to myself.
"I'll just come up with a plan to get out of here and to the Faery Finishing School." I walked up the stairs to my room so I could listen to my radio.

I was just about to turn on my radio when my migraine came back in a burst of pain. I laid on my bed and decided to take a nap.

***~***

I woke up screaming in pain, then ran to my bathroom to puke my guts out.
"Ugg..." I moaned when I was done. I must have the flu, I thought. I walked back into my room and started brainstorming ideas on how to leave to the Faery Finishing School. Misty wouldn't care about my having the flu, and would distract Dad from noticing. Plus, I didn't have a car to drive there myself, I'm only 15) At the Faery Finishing School they would care about me being sick (I hoped) and would help me get better quickly.
I got another burst of migraine pain.
"I have to get there quick," I moaned.

It seems like you rushed through this, you need to describe this way more, I mean its not even a page in word. Aphrodite is still a snob, James is still uncearified as a character. Come on TayTay! Give me something to work with!

Her Dad wouldn't been like that because if they knew about feairies and the whole die in sixteen hours thing then he'd be all "Get your bags, we're moving out!" but right now, he sounds like a teenager himself. All of your characters sound alike, they have no backbone of their own. Work on dialoge, sweety

I'm sorry, but this sounds way to much like the house of night series for me. I know others have said it, but the similarities are bugging me.
-She has a step parent who she hates.
-Her parent won't let her go to the house of moons and stars
- The house of moons and stars is so like the house of night! The name is pretty similar, and if she doesn't go there she will die.

In addition, the whole thing seems very rushed. i mean in the space of a page she has found out she's a faery and is going to die, got home, told her parents and is now formualting a plan to get there. You need to fill out the gaps. Yes, those are the part we want to know about but you have to describe everything in so much more detail. I, for one, want to know what the wings are like, are they stubby, white, feathery, gothic, batlike? enlighten us.

This is good, but it needs a lot more work.

Aqua X

Sup Tay.

I must agree with Aqua and Gekko; the piece is too rushed. Try putting yourself in Pendora's shoes; she's about to go through a seriously life changing event. How would you deal with this?

Could you excuse my boyfriend, James Thomason, long enough to take me home?"

Why would the nurse have authority to do this- especially when she just runs to the gym anyway?

About what? You driving me here or me being a faery?" I asked, dripping with sarcasm.

Think about what I first mentioned; is she really going to treat someone she cares about with sarcasm in this situation?

"Wait, how do I get back to school?" He asked suddenly. I thought about that for a moment.

I couldn't tell that she had a car; it sounded like her parents dropped her off or something.

If I don't go to the House of Moon and Stars in 16 hours I'm going to die. Literally,"I explained to them.

This sounds almost random; how are her parents going to take this?

You aren't going to some Faery boarding school on my watch," he said sounding like the alpha male.

I agree with Gekko; he sounds like a teen here. Try putting yourself in his shoes. Also, this seems very... strange for a parent to say to a child- no matter what age.

"Those faeries have no since of right and wrong! They probably just want you there so bad that they threatened that you will die! It is nothing more,"he scoffed.

How does he know this...? Details please.

Hm. You're work has potential, but you need more details, and more real-life situations. Think of this: everyone has a life before the life changing event, otherwise, it wouldn't make sense. Most fantasy stories have a nobody become a somebody and save the world. That's fine- once in a while. Most of the time, it *doesn't* happen that way. Usually it's ordinary people doing something extraordinary. I assume this sounds like "House of Night," by what the other readers have said. Think of this; why do you want to write this story? What can you do to make yours stand out against the others? Yes, that was a great story, but you can make one equal or better. Make it different.

I spotted a view grammar mistakes like this one:

My Dad looked as unhappy as he had looked when he had finally given Misty the credit card that accessed his money.

There's a rule I learned: If you can say 'My George' (eighth grade word we'd say when we couldn't pronounce a word, ha) it obviously doesn't sound right, no? Then it shouldn't be capitalized. When it does sound right, go for it.

I was just about to turn on my radio when my migraine came back in a burst of pain. I laid on my bed and decided to take a nap.

You switched pretenses. I do it all the time, so I can figure it out by now! Ha. But laid is past, you should use lay. Or i could be wrong!

I'm sorry to say, I have to agree with AquaMarine27. This does sound exactly like the House of Night Series, except they deal with vampires and your dealing with fairies. And you started out in the same way! In other words, it sounds like you copyrighted HON's (House of Night) author's work. Change it around more, or your gonna have some trouble. Massively.

(Not trying to scare you or anything, but it's true)

In the next few chapters it changes, a lot, and she isn't in danger of dying for the same reason. Trying my best!

(PS Deidrum isn't going to be a power hungry psychopath and none of her roommates are going to die then come back to life)