Imaginary Friend

Star light,
Star bright,
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.
I wish that I had someone to love.
I wish that he'd love me, too.
Someone that I can brag about.
Someone that's better than you.
I wish that I could see him.
I wish that he could see me.
I wish that we could be together, happily.
And no matter what,
He would always stand by me,
Until the very end.
Even if he's just imaginary,
He can forever be my friend.

Star light,

Star bright,

First star I see tonight.

I wish I may,

I wish I might,

Have the wish I wish tonight.

Hey. First, I suggest you put the lines above in italics or something. Just to make a distinct separation from the rest of your poem so that nobody accuses you of plagiarism.

This is a good poem although there are some things I shall point out. Your words are cliche. Also, as your title is imaginary friend, I wish you put that concept into this more. Instead this felt more like a "what I wish my boyfriend will be/do". This also needs more imagery. Make us see this imaginary friend or make us feel what you feel at his absence.

Anyway, keep writing. Good luck.

-Knightly

Hi elly,

What I would say is that I think you should keep the cliches. This is what your poem plays off, almost a kind of sing song poem. I agree with the above that you should put the first stanza in italics, I was about to have a rant about plagiarism, so make it clear than it's not your own work.

There's just one line I have a problem with;

I wish that he'd love me, too.

In this line you break away from the sweet happily ever kind of pattern, it becomes more of a romance, a desperation. This is where it stops being her imagination and seems real, which confuses the rest of the poem.


Izzy

Personally i think this peom is really good. Compared to the other peom i read by you, it didn't confuse me. Ahaha .

But like ZaddieCaso i agree about the whole "Sweet happy ever kind" pattern:

I had the feeling at first you were going to talk about wishing and stuff, with the quote, but then that stopped and a sort of romantic peice started. I think that it should just be more fluid, ya know, kinda flowing together neatly and nice.

Plus the poem is called imaginary Friend. Mostly what you are talking about is someone to Love, not be a freind, besides:

Even if he's just imaginary,
He can forever be my friend.

Yeah, but other than that, i liked it and it was very relatable to peoples wishes, including mine . xD

*Thumbs up*