Words of a Conceited Man

Words of a Conceited Man


Why, hello, dear gents and ladies,
Have you a second to spare?
Then come here and look –
This is my work of art.
Go on;
Gawk at it, admire it, praise it in any way you can,
And I shall raise my hat,
And salute.


Come here, come see!
This is my masterpiece –
The upshot of my life’s work,
The pinnacle of my distinguished career.
Go ahead;
Be jealous, be envious, be vehement
But I shall raise my hat
And salute.


Behold, here I am,
In all my splendor and glory
Am I not superior?
I, for one, reckon that
Your answer will be ‘certainly not!’
For each one of us is a conceited man,
And to each his own
And we all raise our hats
- from time to time -
And salute.

Oh my, this is so true!

First things first: this is one of the best poems lacking rhyme that I've ever read. I think this is because you gave the reader the sense that he should not read it expecting rhyme, but just to read it as he would a story. That is very difficult to do; well done!

I saw a man like this once, at a fair. He went on about how he worked on it and labored over it, and how it was so precious that I, being a little child, could not touch it. The item was just a carved piece of sterling silver hanging in the air. The man even went on to say that we all should visit his website, where there were thousands more of these little treasures. Indeed!

Well, you get an A+ on my watch, Black Rabbit!

Hullo dear! I’m octocoffee, pleased to make your acquaintance. Your poem caught my eye, and I’m here to offer my comments.

Why, hello, dear gents and ladies,

I would switch ‘gents and ladies’ to ‘ladies and gents’. It feels much more natural that way. It’s good to experiment with syntax, but I found it jarring to read it out loud, most likely because the line ends on an unstressed syllable.

Have you [s]got[/s] a second to spare?

This poem gives off the feel of a sophisticated, if arrogant voice. I’m sure that’s how the author wants it to sound, and removing ‘got’ would set the tone better.

The pinnacle of my distinguished career
Go ahead;

The lack of punctuation here bothers me; it feels like a run-on sentence.

For each one of us is a conceited man,
And to each his own
And we all raise our hats
- from time to time -
And salute.

I’m not sure if I quite understand the meaning of this section here. Everyone is conceited, and has their own opinion, and every now and then we salute to…others? To ourselves? In my opinion, the problem word here is ‘and’. It links the two ideas together, but not in the right way, it seems. The first idea of being conceited and the second idea of acknowledging others are contradictory. Something like ‘but’ or ‘yet’ seems to link the two much better.

In terms of content, what are we to gawk at, and admire? Is this the poem of an artist, telling passerby to praise his latest watercolor? Or is this the poem of a poet, asking everyone to look at this very poem. Earlier, ‘the pinnacle of my distinguished career’ was mentioned. Whose career? The title is ‘Words of a Conceited Man’, but I’d like to see something else. Perhaps ‘Words of a Dying Artist’, something to give the narrator of the poem a personality, a character. A ‘conceited man’ is simply too vague.

So, that’s all I have to offer. Hopefully someone more learned in poetry will stop by and give their opinion.

Best of luck,
octo

Abigail_W. - Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. Of course, it is natural for someone to at least have some pride about their work. We are artists. Don't you feel that way sometimes, too? Give the poor man a break. You are very much like that too, even if you don't notice. Anyway, thanks again. :]



octofee -

In terms of content, what are we to gawk at, and admire? Is this the poem of an artist, telling passerby to praise his latest watercolor? Or is this the poem of a poet, asking everyone to look at this very poem. Earlier, ‘the pinnacle of my distinguished career’ was mentioned. Whose career?

I'm not trying to be rude, but I think it was mentioned. He is a conceited man, and he is bragging about his latest work, be it an artpiece or a poem. It is the essence that matters, and I do not see why there is a need to even mention what he is bragging about. He is bragging about his 'masterpiece'. The important thing is that you know he is a conceited man, and you also know that he is a braggart. Why, of course, he was referring to his own career. He said 'my', didn't he? Be more observant as you read rather than keeping an eye open for mistakes. That's all reviewers ever do, don't they? Look for mistakes. And ask questions with obvious answers.

I’m not sure if I quite understand the meaning of this section here. Everyone is conceited, and has their own opinion, and every now and then we salute to…others? To ourselves?

The problem here is not the word 'and'. It is simply contextual. Reread the poem and see for yourself: to whom does the man salute when someone comes to admire his work? Certainly not himself. He salutes to the passers-by. And now I have spoiled the essence of understanding the poem while reading because I have already explained the facts about it to you.

The title is ‘Words of a Conceited Man’, but I’d like to see something else. Perhaps ‘Words of a Dying Artist’, something to give the narrator of the poem a personality, a character. A ‘conceited man’ is simply too vague.

Why a dying artist? I have told you, this is about a conceited man, and how he sees that anyone can also be as conceited as him. We've all got our pride to spare, haven't we? He is definitely not a dying artist. Let's keep it at that, shall we? I'll find a better title later on, but not a dying artist, please. He is more than alive... and it is meant to be vague.


Anyway, thank you for the review. It did help somehow. Sorry for the confusion... well, at least you've got your answers now.



Thank you for your time.



Sincerely,



~ KL

How extremly creative! I loved that you wrote what you wanted and wasn't scared about peoples normal critiques, such as : I did not like that you lied about te whole rhyming thing. This is Egotistic and i didn't enjoy it one bit.

I would have never written such a poem, but now that has changed.

Aw, shucks. :] I was scared about what other critics would say. They are pretty harsh, you know, and they can also be quite pointless. But still, a review is a review. And I should probably thank them, so thanks! And more importantly, thank you for your review, CreativeFreak. Your opinion is very much appreciated.



Have a nice day.



~ KL

What and interesting poem you have here, and your eleven o_o Wow, keep it up and you'll be amazing before your twenty.

This is a very nice peice of work, especially with it being a poem with no rhyme scheme, but it doens't need one. The words go exceptioanlly well with each other, its very nice and smooth, like a poem such as this should be.

For this, I applaud you. Nice work! And a very interesting point of view you have, stick with it

--
The Gekko

Thank you for the review, Gekko... I'll do even better next time. :]

Hi there!
I really like this poem, and (sorry to bring age into this) think it's amazing you're 11!

couple of things:

Why, hello, dear gents and ladies, Agreeing with octocoffee, change it to ladies and gents. That flows better.

Gawk at it, admire it, praise it in any way you can, I don't really like the word "gawk" here. It feels a bit inelegant and jarring when the rest is structured and flowing. Also, would a conceited man say gawk? Ah, i don't know, just thinking.

But I shall raise my hat
And salute. Why but? I don't really understand the meaning of this. I like the repetition though.

Overall, i do like the tone of this poem and it works so well without a rhyme scheme. One of the good ones i've come across.
Sorry for the terrible, short review but i have to go for lunch.

Aqua X

Thanks for the review, Aqua!

I don't really like the word "gawk" here. It feels a bit inelegant and jarring when the rest is structured and flowing. Also, would a conceited man say gawk? Ah, i don't know, just thinking.

Ah... gawk? I placed it there for some exaggeration. To 'stare' is simply not enough.

But I shall raise my hat
And salute. Why but? I don't really understand the meaning of this. I like the repetition though.

The complete lines were:

"Go ahead;

Be jealous, be envious, be vehement

But I shall raise my hat

And salute."



Because even though the spectators became extremely jealous, he still salutes to them as a sign of being polite, as if saying 'everyone has critics'. Something like that. :]




Thank you for the reviews!



~ KL

Bravo to you, Black Rabbit!

I'm going against everyone else above, because I actually like how you put "gents and ladies". Since this is a conceited person, he thinks higher of himself than others, and since this is also a conceited man, he probably thinks himself higher than women. (I am not saying all men do that, I'm just talking about this particular man.) So he might naturally put the "gents" before the "ladies" when addressing a crowd.

Exactly my point. I'm glad you appreciate my efforts! :] It sounds more intimidating when I put it that way, no? Thank you for the review, tori1234!

I loved it. It flowed extremely well, and the way it was written was amazing. I liked the word choice, the breaks and the overall layout of it.

I loved this based soley on the fact that it didn't rhyme. You moved your story along in a natural flowing way. I loved it, Keep writting :!

Black Rabbit wrote:Words of a Conceited Man


Why, hello, dear gents and ladies,
Have you a second to spare?
Then come here and look –
This is my work of art.
Go on;
Gawk at it, admire it, praise it in any way you can,
And I shall raise my hat,
And salute.


Come here, come see!
This is my masterpiece –
The upshot of my life’s work,
The pinnacle of my distinguished career.
Go ahead;
Be jealous, be envious, be vehement
But I shall raise my hat
And salute.


Behold, here I am,
In all my splendor and glory
Am I not superior?
I, for one, reckon that
Your answer will be ‘certainly not!’
For each one of us is a conceited man,
And to each his own
And we all raise our hats
- from time to time -
And salute.

Hiya Blacky!
This is a short piece, and so the review will also be short. I have two things to say.

First of all.... if you ask me, this poem would be slightly better as a rhyming piece. It already has a delightful, 17th centurary england ancedote feel to it... but rhymes would add an even more clever touch.
As for the second thing, I would like to say is that, above all, it is good, the way it is. "Words of A Conceited Man" might not rhyme, but it has excellent rhythym and flow... the words trickle down the page like an intoxicating wine, with very-well brewed style and theme, and an overall point that is very truthful and thought-provoking. I salute you, Black Rabbit, for this.
And... other than that, there is little else to critisize. The only other thing I would change is the intro "Why hello, dear gents and ladies," would kind of sound better as "Why hello there, dear ladies and gents." Don't ask me why.

Here is where I take my leave... with a final shout of "Great job!" I retire from the computer to my bedroom, where I will spend the rest of my evening making artwork for a teen coffee shop.
Farewell,
-Mr. Realms