CHAPTER 1
‘So, what d’you think?’ Mum asked, forever enthusiastic.
I stared at my shoes.
‘You didn’t like it then?’ shesaid, in that same tone of tiresome happiness.
I shook my head, refusing to speak. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, and I was afraid that if I even opened my mouth a whole bunch of words that Mum didn’t even know I knew would come out, tumbling out of my mouth one by one.
The truth was, I didn’t just not like the school that we’d viewed, I hated it. For one, I was used to being the oldest in my Primary, and going to this secondary school would make me the youngest – and most vulnerable, as it seemed. Even just one peek at that school had made me want to run out – girls, no older then 16, wearing their school skirts hitched up so high that you could see their knickers, teachers so stressed that all that seemed to come out of their mouths was fearful shouting… But it wasn’t just this school, I knew. The others, all the other secondary schools that we’d seen in the past week had been the same. Well, apart from one posh school, but when Mum found out how much we’d have to pay for it we practically did a runner.
We got on the bus to go home, standing because it was so crowded. The teenagers at the back of the bus were shouting loudly, throwing things around. It didn’t make it any better that there was a slight smell of vomit lingering in the air, ready to attack anyone who dared come close. I screwed my eyes tight as a baby started crying.
‘Shuddup, will ya?’ Its Mother screamed, clenching her fists. Every single old lady on the bus started tut-tut-tutting under their breaths.
‘Let’s go upstairs’ Mum said decisively, pushing through the crowds and taking my hand.
‘Ok, so we’ve got a choice. Either you go for Riley High, or Lowton, or Beaverly Way.’
Mum said, once we were seated ‘comfortably’ on the less crowded upstairs seats.
‘What?’ I asked, in exasperation. ‘We’ve seen all the schools? Isn’t there another choice, like Bleakton, where everyone else is going?’
‘Too far. We’re not in the catchment area. Sorry, sweetie, but you’ve got to choose between those three.’ now even Mum was starting to sound slightly bleak.
‘Riley High, full of stupid boys. Lowton, too full of stupid girls. Beaverly Way, no way.’ I said, deciding that there must be another school for me.
Mum just shook her head sadly.
‘Try to make an effort, honey. It might not be so bad…’ she said, rather uncertainly. ‘Look, let’s look more at the pros and less at the cons, ok?’
I nodded, faking a smile. ‘But you’ll have to start. Right, pros for Riley?’
Now Mum really looked lost.
When we got home, I rushed up to my room and did some serious thinking. It wasn’t like my Primary was all that great, but at least I had a few friends and knew the teachers well enough not to get told off. It seemed quite scary starting a new school, even if all the people my age were going to be doing it. I took out my diary from under my bed, and wrote:
Pros for Riley: Smaller then other schools. Not likely to get lost.
Pros for Lowton: All girls. Even if they are all idiots.
Pros for Beaverly: Nice uniform?
I then ripped the page out, and threw it across the floor. This was a waste of time. Schools were a waste of time. Time to go and eat. I had to live my life.
Unfortunately, however, all everyone wanted to talk about around the dinner table was schools.
‘Well, I know the choices aren’t great but it’s not like the end of the world, all we need to do is choose, at least we’ve got the choice…’
I let Dad drone on, whilst I played with my pasta. I tried to take myself to my imaginary world, where everything was happy, but failed miserably.
‘So what do you reckon?’ Dad asked, facing me.
‘Huh?’ I asked, shaking my head.
‘Were you not listening, love? Dad thinks you should go to Lowley. Closer than the rest, and seeing as its all girls it might be a good influence.’ Mum said, smiling.
‘Yes, plus it’s good with science. That’s your favourite subject, isn’t it?’ Dad asked, cautious for my response. He didn’t like being proved wrong.
‘Do I have the right to disagree?’ I asked, suddenly angry that my parents were making the decision for me.
There was a sudden silence: it wasn’t like me not to play by the rules.
Then Mum broke the silence.
‘But why would you want to do that love?’
Oh dear, now they were both looking at me as though I had thought of another option in mind. Well, I didn’t.
‘Alright. Lowley. Right. Yes. I’ll think about it.’ I said, before jumping up from the table and running to my bedroom: trying as hard as I could to not think about it.
I didn’t sleep well that night: it wasn’t just the schools bothering me - there was something else on my chest, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. At nine in the morning Mum came into my room and sat on my bed.
‘I know this is all frustrating you - so how about you forget about it all for one day? It’s a Sunday, after all. How about you go and play with that girl next door? ... Lucy, I think her name is. I’ve got her Mum’s phone number somewhere… I’ll give her a ring.’ she said.
I badly did not want to go: I’d only been over to Lucy’s once before, and she’d proved herself a conserved and quiet teenager, making it obvious that she didn’t want me there. Plus she was a year older than me: I felt so small next to her. But you couldn’t disagree with Mum when she was in this mood. She would just carry on talking about all the pros about going, so I just gave up and tried to smile.
‘Good. Get dressed then. I’m sure Lucy will be up too.’
As if.
‘Ah, Lucy, Isn’t it lovely to see Abigail again?’
I shuddered. I hated it when people called me that.
Lucy’s Mum looked at her daughter expectantly. Lucy, dishevelled and tired-looking, did not look pleased to see me in the slightest. She had, after all, just been woken up.
‘Excuse Lucy, please. She’s just a bit tired. Aren’t you?’ her Mother said, now looking dangerously at her daughter. Lucy turned to me, and muttered:
‘Yes, lovely. Lovely to see you Abigail.’ Her Mother pretended not to notice her sarcasm.
‘You run along now girls. Hey, Luce, why not show your friend your new CD player?’
Lucy started up the stairs, and I slowly followed her.
‘Friend’ Lucy said sarcastically, under her breath.
Unfortunately I had to agree with her.
‘What do you want?’ Lucy asked, as though she were asking a slug.
‘Mum kind of forced me here… sorry we woke you up.’ I said, feeling bad about bad-mouthing my own Mother, even if it was a pretty true fact.
‘Yeah, Mother’s for you.’ she said, more eager to be talking about a subject that she could relate to. ‘They’re all the same-’
Just then the door slammed.
‘Dad’s home.’ Lucy said, her face suddenly screwed up in fear. She didn’t look so tough now.
‘If you hear screaming, ignore it. Just… ignore it.’ she said, more to herself then to me. I almost felt sorry for her then. No kid should have to go through that.
‘Just on cue…’ I said, stuck for words, as her father started shouting. Lucy turned on her CD player, the music blaring out loudly. Horrible music, actually. I wanted to go home.
‘Chocolate?’ I offered, aware that my voice was slightly shaky. Her parents had been fighting for ten minutes before the door had slammed again. Lucy shook her head, looking strained.
‘Sometimes I wonder… you know… if he’ll come back when he just leaves like that…’ she said weakly. I noticed how pale she had become. I nodded my head sympathetically, not knowing what to say. I couldn’t say that I understood, because I didn’t. I had a ‘happy family’, and I knew people really envied me for that. Sometimes I wished I could understand, just for once, but afterwards I always cursed myself for thinking like that. It wasn’t fair.
‘I don’t know how Mum copes… I mean, I say I hate her but she’s my Mum, I love her really… she tries to be happy, but I swear she’s not. Sh-she’s not…’ she broke off with a sob. I didn’t know what to do.
‘Listen, is there anything else troubling you?’ I asked, for I was sure there was more to it then that – to turn from a grumpy sarcastic teenager into a sobbing wreck there had to be a lot going on.
Lucy shook her head, but I knew she was lying. The way her eyes flickered down, refusing to meet mine. But I knew better then to question her. I offered her a tissue instead.
‘Thanks…’ she mumbled.
‘I guess I’d better go now.’ I said, feeling very awkward.
‘Yeah, yeah, see you round, Abi...’ she said, forcing a weak smile. I walked out of her room.
God, this was more depressing than talking about secondary schools.
‘You’re home early!’ Mum said, not looking too pleased about it.
‘Yeah. Lucy’s parents had a fight and she got upset.’ I said, stalking off to my room before I could be questioned further. Instead, Mum followed me up.
‘Oh dear. That’s sad.’ she said sympathetically.
‘Yes.’ I said, but Mum wasn’t getting the hint that I wanted to be alone.
‘Did you have a nice time anyway?’ she asked.
‘Mum! Yes! What do you want?’ I asked, suddenly getting angry. Why was I getting so angry these days?
‘Alright, alright, no need to shout! Anyway, ‘what I want’, as you put it, is to tell you that you need to choose your school quickly, because I re-read that letter you got from your Primary and you only have one week now to decide!’
‘Mu-um, I thought you said I shouldn’t think about that for today! Please! I’m your daughter!’ Wow, I didn’t know that I could shout at her like that. The guilt would come later, I knew, but for now I was just angry.
‘Enough of that, missy! I don’t know what’s got into you but you need to listen to me: it’s urgent now. Okay? How would you like it if you were stuck without a school?’
‘I’d like that very much.’ I said quietly, and with that Mum closed my door. Slammed, actually. I threw my pillow across the room, disgusted.