Binding Darkness - Chapter 1

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 2338
Reviews 40
Binding Darkness
1

The wind howled loudly through the silhouette trees. Through the midnight fog, I peered deep into the forest, searching, praying that I would not find anything. My thoughts echoed loudly through my mind. Are they here? Have they found me? I knew I would get my answer soon enough.
It was a peculiar feeling, something I had never known. Usually I was the one hunting, the one tracking the enemy’s every move. Usually I was on top and in control. Now, our roles were reversed, and I was being chased. This feeling which I had bestowed on so many others, this fear, I could not bear it. Yet, there was no cure except to be caught and killed.
No, they weren’t going to catch me, not today. I couldn’t let them. If they did catch me, the fear would only escalate before they finally killed me. I would be questioned and probed, tortured until they got the answers they were looking for. I knew the tactics, knew what they would do. I practically invented them, and now I was to suffer because of them. Truly ironic.
Then, interrupting my thoughts, a gleam of light shone through the woods, illuminating me, revealing me. I was right; they were here. And now, they knew I was too. In that moment, I felt true panic and terror as the light grew closer, locking in on its prey. No, I couldn’t go down like this. I couldn’t be killed. I needed to live, I had to. But with every passing second, I knew my chance of survival dropped significantly. I suppose it didn’t really matter what I did, for my fate had been sealed with that light. My destiny would soon be realized.
The light continued to grow closer, getting nearer and more daunting. Then, something happened that I did not expect. From within the woods, a terrible moan emerged. I spun around, searching for the source, but the darkness concealed all. Another growl, louder this time. The light carrier definitely heard it too, for he turned around to look for it. With a startling scream, the light fell and the sound of tearing emerged. Was that sound coming from the man? Had something attacked him? I took a step forward, peering into the darkness towards the fallen light.
A terrifying image greeted me. There, shimmering in the lantern’s light, was a truly horrific scene. The man, the light bearer, was covered in a substantial amount of blood. Blood, I had heard of this substance before, but I had never actually seen it. And then, my eyes were pulled away to look at something even more frightening. Seated directly behind the man was an enormous, hairy bulk. Its fur swayed rhythmically with the ever-blowing wind.
I covered my mouth quickly to keep from screaming and revealing my location. I didn’t move. Against every logical thought in my mind, I remained frozen in place. My eyes were glued on this creature, watching, expecting it to spot me and attack at any minute. So, my story was going to end here, in these endless woods? After all I had overcome, I would die here, at the hands of some random creature who happened to stumble upon my location. A truly fitting end.
And then, he moved. The man on the ground shifted. It was, at most, only a few inches, but still, he moved. And then, a sound emerged from the man, not from his mouth, but from his body. It was the sound of ripping, tearing flesh. I realized then that it wasn’t the man moving, but the creature. It was feeding.
I didn’t dare stay any longer. My legs broke free of their terrified bind and I sprinted deep into the forest. I had to get away. I had to leave this place and never return. This creature, this terrible creature, was eating him. A truly disgusting and traumatizing image. I tried to ignore it, but it was there, clear as day, engraved into my memory forever. I attempted to force the image out of my head with little success. Still, I had to ignore it. I had to get out of here.
Tree after tree, step after step, I continued to run through the threatening forest. At every turn I sobbed. At every sound I jumped. All the while, thoughts and concerns continued to bounce around my brain. How big is this forest? Am I going to make it out? What was that creature? I’m going to die.
Tears escaped my eyes and streamed down my face. Suddenly, my foot hit a rock and I fell hard into a shallow puddle. I quickly submerged my arms and picked myself up. For a moment, a single moment, I stood still, entranced by my shimmering glow. It's no wonder you're found so easily. Look at yourself! Silver and glowing and what-not. It's no wonder... I turned around to find that that one moment had been too much. The creature was approaching, and I could feel him. I dared not wait any longer and sprinted off deeper into the forest.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, my fatigue claimed me and I collapsed against a tree. The Endless Forest, what a fitting name. And still, I knew that escape was my only option. But how long could I continue like this? Was there even any hope? If that creature had spotted me, it could have reached me in a matter of seconds. And what if it were following? I needed to be faster.
Of course, there was always the possibility that I was safe now, that I had gotten far enough away and escaped the beast. And maybe it was a good thing that the light bearer had been killed. He was after me. I would have been killed if he had reached me. That man deserved to die! But still, no one should have to endure that kind of torture.
A snapping twig from behind me pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned around quickly to see what it was. The fog was thicker here. I couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of me. And the wind was hot, hotter than before. The darkness seemed darker as well. Perhaps my fear was playing tricks on me, making all of these things more threatening. Fear, a truly terrible emotion.
I reached out my hand to try to clear some of the fog. I needed to see. If there was something here, I wouldn’t be able to run. I was still much too tired. As I swatted at the air, my hand hit something. It was warm and moist. I moved my hand slightly, a twitch from the shock. Fur, my hand was resting on fur. And then, a familiar growl emerged from the creature’s throat. It was the same growl that had led to the death of the light carrier. And now, the same creature growled at me.
---------------------------
Sept.8/09 [i]Added a new paragraph to explain a bit about the character.
Last edited by fading-dream on Tue Sep 08, 2009 3:20 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Current Project: Otherworld (Novel) - 11,000 words so far
Latest Story: Overflowing Emotions.
Past stories: Burning Apart, The Beast, Binding Darkness - Ch. 1, What David Taught Me, The Banquette, Mirror of Memories, Leaving Humanity, Little Green Men, Six Days




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4049
Reviews 99
Hi
This was very good and intriguing. I did find a few nitpicks for you though.

The wind howled loudly through the somber trees. Through the midnight fog


Using 'through' twice so close together is repetitive. Try using a different word in one of the sentences.

And then, he moved. The man on the ground shifted. It was, at most, only a few inches, but still, he moved. And then, a sound emerged from


Here, you started two sentences close together with 'and then', it's repetitive and doesn't flow smoothly. Personally, I wouldn't start any sentence with 'and then'. I would change the beginning to both sentences.

Overall I think it draws the reader in and was a good piece of work. Keep working on it!

Feel free to PM me with any questions.

~Tayla
Last edited by TaylaChase on Mon Aug 03, 2009 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.
~Albert Einstein

I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
~Anonymous

I am the author of my life. Unfortunately I'm writing in pen and I can't erase my mistakes. . .
~Anonymous




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1090
Reviews 13
You set the scene very well, I can feel a sense of panic and urgency. Now you need to provide the reader with some reason as to the cause for the urgency, not to give the entire thing away, but maybe a hint as to the answers they would like to probe from him or something. I think that you should also make some note as to what kind of creature your narrator is. From what was said about his never seeing blood before, I can only assume that he isn't human. Some indication of his species would be very helpful in capturing readers' attention.

Keep writing and I'll keep reviewing! ;)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2190
Reviews 16
Hiya, Fading Dream!

I really enjoyed this piece. The suspense kept me interested the entire way through. The plot was great, your descriptions were very detailed, and I felt 100% connected to your main character. I have just a few nitpicks:

The wind howled loudly through the somber trees.

Somehow, I don't see trees as being somber. Somber's more of an emotion word, and this doesn't strike me as the kind of personification in which you'd use an emotion word. Try something different.

Now, our roles were reversed and I was being chased.

Really minor grammatical nitpick. There should be a comma after reversed in this case, since 'and I was being chased' is its own independent clause. ;)

I was right, they were here.

The comma in this place should probably be a semicolon, since 'they were here' is a complete sentence. I noticed a few more instances throughout this piece, so just be careful with them. ;)

I needed to live, I had too.

You'd use 'to' here, rather than 'too.' To the preposition, rather than too to mean also.

From within the woods, there was a growl.

Hmm... The passive voice sounds a bit dull here. If something that surprising, something that's going to change the course of the story, is about to happen, readers expect power in those next words. The passive voice (there was) makes it sound less important, when, in truth, it's a turning point in the story. Try something powerful, like, "A low, rumbling growl echoed through the woods." Use those verbs and adjectives! Make the reader feel how important it is. :D

At every turn I jumped. At every sound I sobbed.

For some reason, it seems to me like this should be reversed somewhat. If I were running through the woods, with something terrifying and bloodthirsty possibly chasing me, and all I wanted was to escape this neverending forest, I would probably be jumping at every sound and sobbing at every turn. Jumping out of fear because I thought something was following me, and sobbing out of despair because I just wanted to get out. The way you have it just sounds a bit strange. I had to wonder why you'd jump at a turn...

And maybe it was a good thing that he had been killed.

I would probably use the term 'light-bearer' or 'man' here. In the past few paragraphs, you've been using the pronoun 'he' to describe the beast. Now, you suddenly switch it, and it confuses the reader.It would really help keep things straight. ;)

And the wind was hot, hotter than before. The darkness seemed darker as well. Perhaps my fear was playing tricks on me, making all of these things more threatening. Fear, a truly terrible emotion.

Okay, for some reason, I really loved this part right here. :D I can really feel your main character's fear here, and the idea that his/her (I got the impression that it's a guy) mind is playing tricks on him/her. Just thought I'd point that out.

As I swat at the air, my hand hit something.

Swat is present tense. The past tense is 'swatted.'

Like I said, your plot was wonderful. It really kept me interested and in suspense. The whole time, I kept wondering, "Is he/she going to make it?" I really loved your main character as well, simply because I could really identify with him/her. And your descriptions were generally amazing as well. You used creative verbage that really helped the reader connect emotionally to the story. Nice job. :D

~Ima
Please help spread the word about the New YWS Transition by including the following in your sig:

From August 17 to 24, YWS will be down. See this for more info!

And don't forget to register at the backup site

Are we all possibly characters in someone else's novel?




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 2338
Reviews 40
Thank you so much for the review Imaginative Insanity. I agree with you on everything and have changed it. I also added a new paragraph that describes the character a bit. Chapter 2 is in editing stages so I should be able to put that up soon.
EDIT:
I am not posting Chapter 2 until the entire book is edited and completed. I am currently at page 18 and in chapter 3. I plan to write faster now too.
Current Project: Otherworld (Novel) - 11,000 words so far
Latest Story: Overflowing Emotions.
Past stories: Burning Apart, The Beast, Binding Darkness - Ch. 1, What David Taught Me, The Banquette, Mirror of Memories, Leaving Humanity, Little Green Men, Six Days



I wondered why we put villains in our stories when we have plenty of them in real life; then I realized that maybe we wanted stories where the good guy wins.
— nogutsnoglory