The Kingdom of Whym

Roon again! I really liked this bit, excellent work! Nitpicks:

until the sun was far down.

I think this sounds a little odd, maybe you should mention something about a horizon. I’m not entirely sure what I mean so you can ignore this bit if you wish!

The day had went more painfully for Aiisha

Had gone.

large dented metal pot.

Large, dented, metal pot. Commas are needed basically.

We can't take any chances. There are bandits around."

You could use a comma to separate the two statements rather than beginning a new sentence.

"I vote we go hunt down some more meat. I could end up with a fantastic scalp, and the brains of a boar would feed many cubs."

I don’t really think an orc would vote on anything. Also the “I could end up with a fantastic…” bit doesn’t sound very orcish to me.

"Going after some game this late at night would be pointless." Aiisha said defiantly.

Get rid of the some. Also, I don’t know whether I would use defiantly here.

"Unfortunately, she's right. My shift for watch starts now.

Just say my shift starts now. Or my watch starts now.

"Sigh," Aiisha sighed. "Well, I guess I'll take third."

You could just say “Well I guess I‘ll take third.” Aiisha sighed. You don’t say sigh when you sigh if you see what I mean.

An owl's hoot and a noise in the bushes is the only warning the group has before the bandits attack. Arrows fly from the darkness and the group is forced to find cover. Axith summons mana to throw a fireball but an arrow grazes his face and interrupts him.

"How many of them are there?" Aiisha cried.

She jumped down from the tree, loading her bow as she landed crouched on the ground. She managed to shoot two bandits, one in the soft spot of his armpit, and the other straight through the throat, the arrow coming out of the other side only slightly bloody.

Okay, major tense changes going on here. Stick to one tense per section. The description of where she shoots the man’s armpit isn’t really needed. The mood is supposed to be tense. If you overload with details it won’t seem that way. It just seems to be there taking up time in the readers mind. We want to hear about the battle scene. It needs to seem rushed and dangerous, this bit doesn’t feel like that to me.

Aiisha blinked. "Thanks," she said quietly to Robert.

I don’t think there would be time for thanks during the battle. However I think this would be a good bit for later on. Also, if it were quiet he wouldn’t hear it. It seems like they should have a moment where they are close and alone later on, where she could thank him.

noticing his lump on the forest floor

I know what you’re trying to say, but it doesn’t really work for me. Try something like. Noticing the orc shaped lump lying on the floor nearby. As it just seems like the orc has some sort of lump on him when phrased this way.

She squatted, retrieved a pepple and threw a rock at the orc's head.

Are these two different objects? If not a pebble and a rock are two different things.

with the bone shards.

I would say shards of bone, it sounds better to me, but I’m odd, so you can ignore this if you want.

His three companions stood disheveled and sweaty before him, looking on at him in disbelief.

You can forget the on, but I like this bit. I think this may be an English spelling thing again, but I thought dishevelled had two l’s?

had fallen comically half way down his face,

Then how did he see?

"Had a party, did we?"

I don’t know whether party is the right phrase here. I know what you’re trying to say, it just seems modern. But it probably isn’t, so ignore the ramblings of this nutter!

All in all, I liked this bit. Apart from what’s specifically stated, I thought the mood was good, just the right amount of urgency and fear from the members of the group, especially Kahlak’tisht! Lol, that was funny. Well done, you are continuing to keep my interest, I think this is a really great idea, and so far, has been written really well. I look forward to future instalments and hope that you find my reviews helpful.

As always this was a pleasure to read and review, this is the only story that I’ve diligently kept up with, so you must be doing something right! Thank you once again!

~ Roon

Roon,

"until the sun was far down."
Shall add something about a horizon - not my writing

Quote:
The day had went more painfully for Aiisha

The whole orc voting to go hunt meat, and Aiisha being defiant about it should just be cut altogether. Originally a friend of our had come into the clearing via a portal, and then promptly disappeared. And then after one of us posted again, he appear again to close the portals he had opened. I had the orc saying, "I vote we go hunt down that wizard! He would give me a fantastic scalp, and his brains would feed many cubs." Then Aiisha said defiantly, "Going after a wizard would detract from our original quest!" So. . . I could just cut that whole part out. It's not needed.

"Sigh," Aiisha sighed. "Well, I guess I'll take third."
Not my writing. And it is a modern sort of language too; I say "sigh" all the time. So that should be cut out. Aiisha once was saying, "Shotgun this dagger!" Which I removed lol

The appearance of the bandits and Aiisha shooting at an armpit, was, once again, not my writing. Axith's writer wrote the first bit, and then Aiisha's writer took over. Thus the tense changes.

"She squatted, retrieved a pepple and threw a rock at the orc's head."
Are these two different objects? If not a pebble and a rock are two different things.
Originally Aiisha's writer had simply said, "She threw a rock at the orc's head." I put in the action, and didn't notice the discrepancy. My fault

"had fallen comically half way down his face,"
Then how did he see?
I don't know I was just annoyed at how overpowered Robert was, so I added that little bit in for revenge; making a fool out of his character. But if it doesn't work, I'll take it out.

Thanks again, Roon, for your input.

Next installment, anyone?

--------------------------------

The next two nights continued a lot more peacefully, though the group did notice things going missing like supplies and money. Also several traps started appearing along the track slowing the groups progress.

Robert zapped away one of the traps as they walked. The path they walked on was slightly overgrown, and trees of all sorts had grown up either side. He saw some ripe red apples on a tree which had probably grown from a discarded apple core a long time ago. After observing the surrounding area he jumped up high and picked some for the group, three for the Orc and one for each of them.

"Don't worry, I checked them, they're safe." Robert chomped down on his apple as the group stopped for lunch.

Axith started complaining, "Those bloody bandits have it in for us. They should be robbing idiots who walk around unarmed, not nabbing what they can when we're not looking and setting up the simplest of traps. Judging by the progress we've made I'd say we're still a day off of the Black Guards."

"Actually," said the orc sheepishly, "I've been rather peckish lately, a growing cub and all, so I've just snacked on things. . ."

The group looked at him.

Kahlak'tisht shrugged, "I was hungry." He smiled and said, almost as an after-thought, "I haven't been taking any money though. I suspect the woman is a gambler and plans to spend all the money she's taken on dice."

Robert rudely takes the apples from the Orc's hand as if HE was the one being insulted. Shining the apples he hands them off to Aiisha and Axith then one for himself, "Give her some credit, you oaf."

Kahlak'tisht smoothly pulled a nice red apple from his backpack and munched on it. "It's hard to give credibility when one doesn't deserve it." He spat out a seed. "We'll see how credible she is when she comes up against a Black Guard."

The orc took one last huge bite of the apple, and then threw the core into the dwindled ashes of the camp fire that the bandits must have set up the night before. He turned his big head away from the fire, and stared into the night, "That's if we survive."

"If you're as good at being rude as you are fighting then we should be fine." Robert said waspishly.

"I don't have a choice." Axith said, "I'll survive another two years or my girl will kill me. Anyway, the Black Guard are a much more significant threat then the bandits. They won't hide from us."

Robert stared at his blade, "Wouldn't have it any other way."

---

Aiisha sat quietly around the fire that night, tired from the day's traveling. Tonight she was second watch, and she felt that all too familiar lonely feeling of being the only one awake.

The orc snored loudly, and grumbled in his sleep. Axith slept with his sword sheathed next to him, and Robert slept soundly with his hand on his sword protectively. Aiisha smiled, and stared up into the stars.

She heard a faint rustling noise, and turned too late to find a bandit behind her. Yelling she scrambled to her feet, but the bandit was quicker and grabbed Aiisha's wrist, pulling her backwards. She struggled against her captor, but he was much larger than her, and stronger. His rough hands were around her mouth, crushing her jaws together.

Goddamn! She thought, Why isn't anyone waking up?

The bandit's clasp on Aiisha's mouth diminished as blood sprayed out of his neck. Everyone in the group were still sleeping before her eyes, so Aiisha wondered who the hell had killed the bandit. The bandit fell to the ground dead. Aiisha watched a hand materialize out of nowhere to help her up. Robert stood with a bloody sword in his other palm.

"You okay?"

Before Aiisha could ask how he did it, Robert lifted up his blanket to reveal he had placed a dummy in his sleeping rolls and had been stealthily hiding in a tree nearby the whole time.

"It's okay," he said softly, "I'll protect you. . ." Robert held Aiisha in his arms, aiming for tenderness.

Kalak'tisht watched the two humans from beneath his covers, and snickered to himself.

Robert heard the snickering, and quickly released Aiisha, "Better get some more sleep. . . I'll dispose of this body."

"Thank you," Aiisha said, "But I'm sure the body isn't going anywhere." She glared at the orc, snickering to himself, and got back under her blankets. She didn't protest as Robert hesitantly joined her.

Not absolutely sure what to do at this point, Robert slowly hugged Aiisha to him and rested his head on her arm, but didn't do anything else. Robert didn't want to push it. After a while, and his heart thudding, Robert cleared his throat and got up, "Maybe you better get some sleep, I think I'm keeping you awake. . . I'll keep watch for the rest of the night."

The orc spoke up, "Here's an idea - the two of you can sleep together, and I'll take the watch; I'll watch everything." He chuckled.

Axith snorted in amusement from his side of the campfire.

Robert looked down at Aiisha, his face a little red and then he looked down at the forest floor. He lay back down next to Aiisha, a little stiffly, "Wha. . . Why. . . Uhhh. . . I'm gonna go sleep then. . ."

Kahlak'tisht laughed and said, "Aww, doesn't Robert wanna play?"

He looked at the two figures on the ground, almost a foot apart, a blanket under them, and could almost feel the heat from the two of them blushing. Feeling as if he had tortured them enough, the orc cleared his throat, "No, but seriously, you two can sleep, I'll keep watch."

Axith rolled over in his blankets, turning his back to the fire, and the now cuddling couple, firmly resolved to staying out of it.

Kahlak'tisht got up and dragged the cooling body of the would-be assassin away into a near by bush, and then settled down at the edge of the clearing, his sharp eyes sweeping the open plains, the forest at his back.

Robert lay quiet trying not to think of anything ridiculous that would betray him, what with being so close to a woman and all. But it was a little chilly, and though Aiisha was shy, her body wasn't. The cold was subdued by her warm body pressed against his, and in the end he let himself relax. Immediately Aiisha relaxed too, and their bodies melded together smoothly.

Hello again, sorry this took so long, I’ve been lazy! Nitpicking:

He saw some ripe red apples on a tree which had probably grown from a discarded apple core a long time ago.

This isn’t really needed, I’m sure we can be left to wonder upon how an apple tree got there!

"I've been rather peckish lately, a growing cub and all, so I've just snacked on things. . ."

This doesn’t really sound like orc dialogue to me.

Robert rudely takes the apples from the Orc's hand as if HE was the one being insulted. Shining the apples he hands them off to Aiisha and Axith then one for himself, "Give her some credit, you oaf."
Apart from the tense change here, I think you should use italics rather than capitals for the ‘he’ bit.

Also, hands them off doesn’t sound right, try hands them over?

"It's hard to give credibility when one doesn't deserve it."

By saying ‘one’ he is implying that he himself doesn’t deserve credibility. Also, I can’t imagine an orc saying ‘one’ to describe himself, or anyone for that matter. Maybe you mean ‘to one who’ but I still think a change of the word ‘one’ would be a good thing.

"I'll survive another two years or my girl will kill me.

What girl is this, she has never been mentioned before. Is this significant?

Tonight she was second watch, and she felt that all too familiar lonely feeling of being the only one awake.

This sounds awkward, try something like she felt lonely being the only one awake. But I don’t think it’s needed. In this chapter she is shown to be fairly weak and vulnerable in comparison to other chapters. Personally, I don’t think this change is needed, but that’s my opinion.

Axith slept with his sword sheathed next to him, and Robert slept soundly with his hand on his sword protectively.

You talk about swords twice here. You could change it slightly and say both Robert and Axith slept with a hand on their swords. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but it feels less repetitive.

She heard a faint rustling noise, and turned too late to find a bandit behind her. Yelling she scrambled to her feet, but the bandit was quicker and grabbed Aiisha's wrist, pulling her backwards. She struggled against her captor, but he was much larger than her, and stronger. His rough hands were around her mouth, crushing her jaws together.

She just doesn’t seem very worthy of being in this group at this point. I mean she is the last of the faeries, so surely she would know how to handle herself? In other bits of the story, she has seemed so strong, I would even have said that she was stronger than the orc and possibly Axith. If a mere bandit could overpower her, it doesn’t bode well for future battles.

Before Aiisha could ask how he did it, Robert lifted up his blanket to reveal he had placed a dummy in his sleeping rolls and had been stealthily hiding in a tree nearby the whole time.

I don’t think this would happen, as you already said he was sleeping soundly but with his hand on his sword. Also, there hasn’t really been much interaction, so he wouldn’t be too concerned for her yet. I think you should save their intimacy for later on. They haven’t really had much time, that the reader can see, to form a deep enough bond for this to be realistic.

"It's okay," he said softly, "I'll protect you. . ." Robert held Aiisha in his arms, aiming for tenderness.

Aiming for tenderness sounds odd. You should just say tenderly. Also, she seems weak here to, as though she is a feeble, normal human female. I’m not sure what sort of role the fae played in your society, or how powerful they were, but they were magical beings I’m sure they would be stronger than she is made out to be in this chapter.

She didn't protest as Robert hesitantly joined her.

This is a little odd, I don’t think he would take advantage of the situation like this, and again I don’t see Aiisha as being like this.

Robert didn't want to push it.

This is a fairly modern sounding phrase.

Feeling as if he had tortured them enough, the orc cleared his throat,

I don’t think that the orc would stop here, but that’s just me.

and the now cuddling couple

I just don’t like this bit I’m afraid. I’m not sure why though, so feel free to ignore me!

Immediately Aiisha relaxed too, and their bodies melded together smoothly.

What exactly are they doing here? Ahem, I mean are they being naughty? Lol.

Okay, so my problem with this was the way Aiisha was presented as being weak and vulnerable. I think that the reader will lose respect in her, which is never good. Also, I don’t like the understated, and in my opinion premature, way that Aiisha and Robert are united. Also, if they’re having sex at the end, I don’t think that is believable as they wouldn’t with the others right there. Another thing, I think that she would be the type to deny her feelings due to her race and because I think she is very outgoing, apart from with relationships, but then she isn’t my character.

So I think you could have played out the whole Robert and Aiisha thing a bit longer. They don’t really know each other that well, and the reader doesn’t know them well enough to feel happy about them being together. I think it would be better off used later in the story. But that’s just my opinion.

This chapter was written well, except for the odd tense change! And all in all your story is shaping up nicely, so well done, let me know when you post anymore!

~ Roon

lol the whole Aiisha and Robert thing wasn't my idea. In fact, I really got angry and annoyed with it. The argument made things very uneasy at home I can't change anything, though, as things happened because of it.

Aiisha's writer writes for her, and I think she wants the fae to appear weak, but be strong too.

They're not having sex at the end Just spooning. I think. I guess I'll have to ask haha

Anyway, here's the next part.

If you're inclined to read it

Sorry about the long post.

I didn't think it should be broken up. . .

-----------------------------------

Axith was rubbing his eyes the next morning trying to work the tiredness out of them.

"We'll run into traces of the Black Guard today, if not the Black Guard themselves. They will be heavily armoured in black steel, with black steel swords, axes and hooked weapons. They have no fear and show no pain. We'll need to plan ahead before we fight them."

Robert slowly awakened, letting out a yawn and nod.

Kahlak'tisht groaned from the place of his watch post, and rolled himself tighter into his bedding, noticing that Aiisha and Robert were still spooning next to the sunken fire.

"What's it with you and early mornings, Axith?"

Axith shrugged, "Son of a soldier. And it's not like the early mornings will hurt you. It'll be midday before we see any action. Hurry and eat so we can get moving. It's not my fault none of us got any sleep last night."

Kahlak'tist grinned widely, "No, we weren't making any noise." The orc rubbed his belly, and belched, "I don't need breakfast. I snacked on that bandit last night as I kept watch." Here Axith stared at the orc with his jaw slightly hanging. The orc continued, "I'm full. And satisfied. But probably not as satisfied as Robert."

He looked at Aiisha and winked with one ridged eyebrow, "Eh Aiisha? Keep Robert satisfied last night and into the wee hours of the mornin'?"

Robert glared at Axith from the comment. He nudged Aiisha awake and handed her some breakfast. Robert sat enjoying his breakfast of dried fruit and hard bread, but couldn't help but still be irritated from Axith's remark and confused at the Orc's innuendo.

---

As the group traveled through the day Axith moved just far enough away with the orc so the others couldn't hear, "So, orc, what do you think of those two and how they're behaving?"

Kahlak'tisht grinned, "They're behaving like they're in love." He made a significantly dopey face and kissed the air in front of him, a rather disturbing visage.

Robert noticed Axith and the Orc moving away as they walked, and he muttered to himself, "The hell are they planning. . ."

Aiisha, however, was silent for most of the trip. She was still trying to digest what had happened last night. "They're probably trying to find out why the hell you took advantage of me like that last night," she said angrily to Robert, some time after he had asked the question.

Robert looked at Aiisha, a little shocked and put out. "That bandit last night was trying to take advantage of you! I saved your butt. . . That came out wrong. . . I helped you, that orc's dirty mind made us. . . Do what we did last night, we didn't DO anything."

Robert walked ahead, avoiding the orc and the party leader.

"Robert wait!" Aiisha called.

Robert turned slightly, but kept walking.

"I'm sorry," she said, not quite sure if he heard her.

"Ah," said the orc up ahead, "A lover's quarrel."

Robert ignored the smelly Orc.

"Do you think it'll get in the way of killing the Black Guards?" Axith whispered to Kahlak'tisht, "I want them to do what's right, not get dragged down by their interests. A woman is bad enough. A woman and man in love? They'll get far too slow for us."

Not hearing the whispered conversation, Aiisha trailed behind the group, angry at herself and the orc. She knew Axith and the orc thought her only a small, pathetic woman, and Robert - what did Robert think of her? He probably hated her now, the way she snapped at him before.

Jesus, she didn't need this. They're meant to be going after blackguards, not getting tangled up romantically.

Robert tried to focus and keep his feeling in check. Sure he thought Aiisha was cute, and he really meant it when he said he would protect her. But he felt angry at people making fun of Aiisha and himself.

Robert stopped suddenly and signaled to go right. Robert dashed into the bushes he had indicated at. He whispered harshly to the others, "Blackguards, come on!"

Aiisha follows Robert, and jumps into the bushes, loading her bow, "Robert?" she whispered, "I bet I'll kill more than you,"

Robert smirked briefly, "What are you willing to be for it?"

Aiisha smiled, "I haven't figured that out yet."

The two of them crawled out from under the bush and moved stealthily onwards. "Lets see... If I kill more then you'll have to serve me hand and foot for a week. And if you win then I'll have to do the same for you."

"Haha, deal." Aiisha laughed, "Now, let's do this."

As the two talk the ground in front of them gives way and drops them into the ditch the Black Guards had built. The two on duty are alerted to the noise.

"I told them we needed to prepare! The stupid fools!" Axith's sword bursts into flame as he rushes over to help them.

The Black Guards charge silently with nothing but heavy breathing. No grunts, no war cries, just breathing as they run. One is armed with a sword and the other with an axe. They both are armed in full black armour which covers them from head to toe. A fireball strikes one in the chest but the Black Guard continues to charge on unaffected.

Robert helps Aiisha up and they both jump back on to the path. Robert fires a lightning bolt from his sword at the Guard approaching Axith, but it had the same effect as the fireball. The other Guard approached from behind Robert.

Aiisha hums, and uses her blade to trap one blackguard. The rope entwines around it, and he's stunned for a moment. The blackguard struggles against the rubber bonds, but fails to break free.

Aiisha hums again, and the rubber shines blue and turns back into a blade. She pulls her arms apart savagely, and the multiple blades slice into the Blackguard's flesh, ripping him into little pieces.

The orc charges with Axith into the fray. Unlike Axith's firebolt attack, and the lighting bolt from Robert, Kahlak'tisht's mighty paws and tusks managed to rip off the head of one of the Black Guards.

He laughed and said, "Let's see you fight now, you headless human!"

To his left, Aiisha had just sliced some nice cuts, and the orc paused briefly to grab a hunk of flesh and shove it in his mouth before continuing. He knocked down another Black Guard, stunning him. Roaring, he left the dazed man to the other three companions to finish off, resisted the temptation of eating more of the man Aiisha had cut into pieces, and went after one of the other Black Guards.

Robert looks behind. "Whoa... Remind me NOT to get on your bad side..." It was not clear whether he was talking to the orc or the woman.

"Yeah," Aiisha said. "I play dirty."

Noticing the hungry look on the Orc's face as he ripped limbs from the blackguards, Aiisha shook her head.

"Hey Kahlak!" she called. "You can eat them afterwards!"

"Look out!"

Robert twirls around Aiisha and blocks the oncoming sword swing. He engages the Blackguard in combat. Robert was able to push the guard back. He then enchants his sword in lightning. The guard charges again and Robert stabs his sword through his opponent's armour but despite barely piercing the other side, it did it's job. The guard falls, seizing, and Robert looks back.

"That's one each."

The Black Guard unintimidated scrambles to his feet drawing a black dagger and attacking the orc's back. Three more Black Guard approach armed very much the same followed by a fourth with large spikes poking out of their armour on the arms, shoulders, legs and knees appear menacingly. The three Black Guard walk forward forming around their much taller leader.

"I get Sir Spikey!" The orc roared, and rushed ahead.

"They look like trouble..."

Robert pulls out a dagger he kept in his left boot. A grunt is heard from the taller guard. One reacts and starts charging at Robert. He dodges the first hit, but this one was quicker and instantly swung back. Robert manages to block but is pushed to the side a little. The guard continues with another swing at Robert's open back. But the mage lifts his arm behind his back and blocks with his dagger. His sword sparks with electricity as he slashed upward at the Blackguard's face decapitating him.

"Two." He called out cheerfully.

Axith blocks one of the Black Guards heavy strikes and swings his flaming sword forcing the fierce warrior back. The third Black Guard swings his weapon to slow the orc down.

Kahlak'tisht was still after the Spiked Blackguard, one was preoccupied with Robert, and another with Axith, Aiisha saw two blackguards running towards her. She grabbed her blade, and sprinted towards them.

Jumping in the air, she planted her feet against the firsts Blackguard's chest, sending him backwards a few feet. He stumbled, but Aiisha didn't give him a chance to recover. She elbowed his face, and drove her knife in between the sheets of armor, hitting the soft spot of his neck. Blood splurted out, over her arm and her blade. She didn't flinch.

The second Blackguard raised his arm and swung at her, hitting her side and sending her sprawled out on the open grass. Aiisha quickly regained composure, and rolled over again, dodging a would-be fatal blow from above. She shoved her blade into the Blackguard's ankle, and again at the top of his thigh when the Blackguard fell in front of her, silently.

She moved her left leg behind her, and propelled her body forward, pushing the Blackguard as she went. She withdrew her knife from his thigh, and once again, aimed for the throat. Blood splattered over her face, and Aiisha shut her eyes quickly. She hated that part.

Panting, she said, "That's three. Better lift your game, Robert."

Robert makes contact with the blackguard's weapon. A burst of electricity surges around him and the guard. The Guard shudders and writhes on the thrust of Robert's sword, frothing at the mouth. The BlackGuard went still, and Robert let the body slide off his sword.

He looks back to Aiisha, "Metal is terribly conductive."

The orc thundered after the last Black Guard, rolling his eyes as he heard Aiisha and Robert's playful banter, "Oh get a room, you two."

Kahlak'tisht removed his claymore from its sheath on his back, and he chased the fleeing and hysterically screaming Spikey Back Guard.

"Come back here, fiend!" He roared.

A quick swipe from his claymore landed on the man's left calve, cutting straight through the metal armor and severing tendons and muscle. Wailing, Sir Spikey collapsed, and the orc dispatched him with a downwards stab to the face, through the full face helmet. Grinning, he retracted his claymore and thrust it through Sir Spikey's breast plate, chain mail, and chest, for good measure. Then he wiped his blade clean on his own tunic nonchalantly.

Robert stood stratching his head, "Seemed a bit less menacing than he looked..."

Aiisha turned to stand, and looked around her. The ten blackguards had all fallen, and their 'leader' was gone too. Kahlak was ripping the armor off and devouring the Blackguard's flesh.

"Far out Kahlak!" Aiisha cried. "You waste no time for eating."

"You did say I could eat them afterward, woman," Kahlak said, a bone sticking out of the corner of his mouth.

"Well," Aiisha said triumphantly, smiling at Robert. "That was easy."

Robert counts with his fingers, "A tie... I guess none of us are going to be slaves for a week..."

Axith removed the helmet of the leader, ready to remove his head for proof. Axith swears, "Wasn't a Black Guard. He was an elf. Then again, I didn't think Black Guards were capable of running from a fight."

Axith parts the head from the body with his sword and puts it in a leather case, "We'll have to make good time to stop this head from rotting. Take what you want from the camp. Black Guards don't usually have much money, but they might have an artifact of interest."

Aiisha bent over the nearest blackguard, "Nice sword," Aiisha said. "Thanks dead one."

Robert claimed an eleven dagger and discards his old one, "This will do nicely."

Axith is in deep thought about the Black Guards and the money. After a quick search of the leader he finds some orders written in a foreign tongue. Axith looks over it before throwing it away.

"Foreign language." He informed the group, "Now, is everyone ready to go? We can't spend all day stealing dead mens possessions."

"It's getting late, maybe we should make camp here," Aiisha said. She noticed a cut across Axith's face, and a gash in Robert's side.

"We just had a huge battle," Aiisha said. "Maybe it would be wise to heal?"

The orc looks up from where he was eating a fallen Black Guard and says, "Arrgh, I've eaten too much. I need to walk off this meal."

Robert notices Aiisha looking at him and then realizes he has a wound. He ties a cloth around his midsection to stop the bleeding. "I'm good another hour, we can set up camp then."

"Okay then," Aiisha said. "When we set up camp, please let me look at it seriously - you too Axith." The fae stood, shaking her hair back and rubbing her neck. "We ready to go?"

Robert snapped back to reality, having been lost in a daydream of the enchanting beauty of Aiisha, "Uhhh. . . Yes, we were. . . Ready."

"Hang on." Said the orc and picked up the paper Axith had discarded, "I'm no linguist, but this could be important. We could get it translated."

"I must say, that's the smartest thing you've ever said in my presence." Claimed Aiisha.

The orc bowed, "I do try."

The group starts walking, Robert comes near Aiisha, "Is you neck okay? I couldn't help notice you were rubbing it, is it hurt?"

"It's fine, really," Aiisha said nonchalantly. "Just a little sore."

She flashed him a small smile, revealing only a hint of white teeth, and asked without warning, "You're really taken with me, aren't you?"

Robert looked away from her green eyes, "I don't know what you're talking about. . . I was just. . . I was just looking out for a fellow teammate." He looked back at Aiisha and blushed faintly before looking away.

Hello, Roon here, again! Sorry to hear that L hope things get easier soon… you should have told me there was another part ready for reviewing! :O

"We'll run into traces of the Black Guard today, if not the Black Guard themselves. They will be heavily armoured in black steel, with black steel swords,

Right, the Black Guard thing is quite confusing. Do you mean that there will be a few of them, or that there is another type of being, the traces? I think it’s the former. Other than that, you say Black Guard twice very closely. This wouldn’t be too bad if it wasn’t for the repetition of black steel fairly close by.

They have no fear and show no pain.

Surely you mean they show no fear and feel no pain? That would make more sense to me, but I’m probably just being weird again!

Aiisha and Robert were still spooning next to the sunken fire.

Spooning is a fairly modern term as far as I’m aware.

It'll be midday before we see any action. Hurry and eat so we can get moving. It's not my fault none of us got any sleep last night."

The short sentences are a little jarring here.

"I'm full. And satisfied. But probably not as satisfied as Robert."

I’m full, and satisfied, but probably not as satisfied as Robert. Again, the short sentences are a little jarring.

Robert glared at Axith from the comment.

Robert glared at Axith and his comment.

but still be irritated from Axith's remark

Irritated at/by Axith’s remark.

"So, orc, what do you think

As Orc is being used as a personal pronoun, you should capitalise it.

He made a significantly dopey face and kissed the air in front of him, a rather disturbing visage.

Haha, this was rather funny, I nearly dropped my cornflakes when I first read it!

"The hell are they planning. . ."

You need to be careful about religious references.

happened last night. "They're probably

New line for the start of the speech.

"That bandit last night was trying to take advantage of you! I saved your butt. . . That came out wrong. . . I helped you, that orc's dirty mind made us. . . Do what we did last night, we didn't DO anything."

I saved your butt, doesn’t fit I’m afraid. He’s rambling here, I don’t know whether that’s intentional. It seems a little out of character for him. He seems the strong silent type to me, not easily flustered.

Jesus, she didn't need this

Religion again.

Sure he thought Aiisha was cute,

Calling adults cute is a fairly modern sounding phrase. I mean a knight of old wouldn’t call a damsel in distress cute, would he? This is just my opinion though, so it can be disregarded if you disagree.

But he felt angry at people making fun of Aiisha and himself.

But he felt angry at Axith and the orc ridiculing them, and their relationship. People implies more than two people to me. Also the phrasing was awkward. You don’t have to use my example exactly, but change it slightly if you wish.

"Blackguards, come on!"

I think, by now you should have decided on a spelling of Blackguards/Black Guards.

Aiisha follows Robert, and jumps into the bushes, loading her bow, "Robert?" she whispered, "I bet I'll kill more than you,"

Tense alert! follows Robert and jumps into the bushes... whispered.

"What are you willing to be for it?"

What are you willing to bet on it.

The rope entwines around it,

Entwines itself around it.

ripping him into little pieces.

Doesn’t sound very emotive. Try ripping through its flesh, or something. Little pieces sounds… I don’t know, just not right.

Unintimidated

Word Processor says this is wrong, but I didn’t think it was… odd.

BlackGuard

You need to choose one spelling, I assume here it was meant to be Black Guard.

Spikey Back Guard.

I think this should be in speech marks. Also Black*

Robert stood stratching his head,

Scratching*

"Far out Kahlak!"

Modern speak again.

"A tie... I guess none of us

Neither of us, there are only two of them.

the smartest thing you've

I would say most intelligent.

"You're really taken with me, aren't you?"

Don’t know whether this is a modern phrase, but it doesn’t strike me as something Aiisha would say. Not really my call though, it’s her writer’s.

looking out for a fellow teammate."

Team mate*

I think we’re getting mixed signals about all the characters, but then there are multiple writers, so it’s expected. However you should really make sure you’re all agreed on what will go on, and with spellings. Also, tense changes are quite distracting at times.

Another excellent piece, well done, keep writing, PM me with the next post!

~ Roon

Hey Roon, awesome review! I'm sorry I haven't been online lately. . . been busy with uni; exams etc. Aaanyway. Here's the next part if you're still keen on reading. It's pretty cool - we've been writing it for ages now, and we're up to the size of a small novel. The next bit is a tad long, but it's pointless trying to cut it up - it's written in the style of a true fantasy, and if you've read fantasy then you know there could be pages at a time where one scene doesn't end.

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INSTALLMENT
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The group walked for about another hour, the orc gnawing on a femur causing the other three companions to steadily avoid him, before they came to the edge of the forest.

"Axith," Aiisha said. "I'll be back in about two hours with dinner." With that she started into the forest, intent on going alone, but Robert followed her, his hand at his waist, on his sword.

"I don't need protecting in my home ground," Aiisha said quietly.

Robert stopped, looking slightly offended.

"I could use a hand though," Aiisha said as an afterthought.

Se jumped into the nearest tree, and swung from branch to branch, deftly making her way into the top canopy. After only minimal searching, she found what she was after; a nest. She quickly picked up three of the blue and white speckled eggs and gently lowered them into her pouch, leaving three behind.

She carefully climbed down again, and gave the pouch to Robert.

"Hold this," she said, smiling.

Robert held onto the pouch, and stared at Aiisha. The fae walked a few hundred feet forward, and Robert followed enjoying the view, "This is the breast- I mean best view. . ."

She arched an eyebrow at the man, and disappeared into a tree in a flurry of limbs and red hair. Aiisha came back down minutes later with four more eggs, these were about twice as big and coloured brown.

She palmed the eggs off to Robert, and as he put them in the pouch, he said, "You sure know this place well."

Aiisha smiled. "Every forest is pretty much the same," she said. "I lived in one for most of my life. This time of night is great for catching wild beasts, the light is perfect." Aiisha perched on a branch and loaded her bow.

"You may want to get out of the way, Robert," she said. "Catching animals is harder when someone's in the way."

Robert nodded, and hid in a nearby bush. After about five minutes, a wild boar wandered over near to where Robert and Aiisha were hiding. Aiisha didn't shoot, and Robert shot her a quizzical glance that she couldn't see. Soon after another boar meandered over to meet the first. Aiisha immediately fired her bow and an arrow whizzed past Robert and killed one boar. The other boar grunted in surprise, but Aiisha had already loaded her bow and another arrow hit its target. The fae jumped from the tree and tumbled to the ground, unhurt.

"There's dinner," she said. "One for the Orc, and one for the three of us."

Robert was impressed, "Way to think ahead."

Their mutual celebration was cut short when a huddle of baby boars squealing for their dead parents emerged from the nearby bushes.

"Damn. . . Now what?"

Aiisha blinked. She felt a pang of sympathy and knelt down near them.

"Give me some eggs," she said.

Robert handed her the pouch, and Aiisha took out the eggs, broke a few of them in half, and laid them out on a large leaf for the piglets to lick.

"It's the wild," said Aiisha coldly, absolutely contradictory to the actions she had just carried out. "You either survive, or you don't. You let your guard down, and the game is over."

Robert rubs Aiisha's shoulder.

"You're right. . . We uhhh. . . Better head back to camp before the other two get worried about us, or before that Orc starts conjuring stories about what we are doing in a forest alone. . ."

"Sure," Aiisha said. "But there's still a few more things I can grab from here. See that bush over there? With the spiky fruit?"

Robert nodded.

"They're edible. Those red berries over there, create a tasty sauce if combined with the right spices. Those nuts are like, uhh. . . Salt and pepper, when you chop them finely enough. Those leaves, when you add them to water secrete a liquid that you can use as soap." She paused, "You know, thinking about it, we haven't showered at all. The closest I've had to a wash was when Kahlak'tisht pushed me into the river the first day."

Robert clamped his arms to his side guiltily.

"I guess we'll get a nice bath once we return the head. Anyway," She pointed to a bush, with pale green leaves. "Those leaves are good to use as bandages. The forest is more than just a forest, it's like a market, except everything's free."

Robert became even more impressed with Aiisha as they collected the items.

Axith dumped the wood he had spent the last half an hour gathering, in a pile and set it on fire with a snap of his fingers.

"Where have those two gotten to. It's bloody dark." Axith eyes the orc, his hand on the hilt of his sword, "Don't think I can't hear your stomach."

The orc leered at him suggestively.

"Relax, Axith," Aiisha said, materializing from the surrounding greenery, "We brought dinner."

Robert struggled under the weight of the two young boars. He staggered out of the bushes and near tripped on Kahlak'tisht's sleeping roll. The orc snorted, and took both boars off Robert. With expert finesse, the orc plunged a metal cooking rod that Axith gave him through the biggest boar. As if he understood the purpose of the other boar, Kahlak'tisht started to tear into it, grunting in pleasure.

Robert rolled his eyes and set up the triangular supports for either side of the rod on opposite sides of the fire, "Let's get this one cooking, eh?"

Axith picked up the discarded spitted boar and placed it on the supports, frowning at Robert as the supports wriggled with insecurity. Robert didn't notice as the other man tightened the ropes and lengthened the angle of the structures.

Robert walked up to Aiisha and smiled, "I would like to point out all the items we've picked out were all Aiisha's choosing. She has indeed proven her assets today." He patted Aiisha's back, "Now, while Axith handles the cooking, cause I'm sure he doesn't mind. . . Could you look at my wound? Starting to sting. . ."

The orc interjected at this point, "Is it wise to trust Axith with any type of cooking?"

Axith muttered some colourful choice words at the orc.

"I'm sure Axith can handle chopping up some vegetables," Aiisha said, giving him her collection from her venture into the forest.

Axith sourly diced the vegetables clumsily while Aiisha tended to Robert. She grabbed the pouch with the leaves they'd just pulled from the forest as well as the Ferorri leaves she'd bought at the festival. She asked Robert to lie on his back, and lifted his shirt up. She decided to momentarily ignore the naughty little thrill that crept along her spine as she did.

She went back over to the fire, and brought two pots of water up to the boil.

"Axith? The vegetables go in here once you're done."

She took one of the pots off the fire and let it cool slightly. The fae added a handful of salt, and then crushed the Ferorri leaves into the water to make a paste. She took a closer look at Robert's gash, and noticed that it was fairly deep, and the skin around it had already begun to bruise.

"I'll have to clean it, Robert," she said gently. "This might hurt."

Robert held his composure, wincing inside at her prophetic words, “Don’t worry I can take it."

Aiisha started working on Robert's wound, slightly surprised that he doesn't even so much as flinch. After the treatment, Robert got up. "Wow that was great. See, told you I could handle it." He smiles while carefully releasing the rock that was in his hand now turned to dust.

The orc grunted, "If the two men are mages, they should be able to heal themselves. I think Robert is laying it on a bit thick so that you touch him." He tore into the boar with his tusks, "Just don't get pregnant along the way."

"Grow up Kahlak. . ."

Axith shrugs, "Fire mage. I cauterized my wounds to stop infection. Beyond that they can heal themselves. Would you like me to do the same to you?" Fire played along Axith's fingertips.

"I didn't get hurt." The orc said quickly.

"Will you ever let up, Kahlak?" Aiisha said. She turned away from Robert and sat on a log by herself, partly separated by everyone else. "You can burn me as much as you like, Axith," she said quietly. "Except you don't always have to use your fire."

Robert sits next to Aiisha, "Everything okay? You seem upset. . ."

Kahlak'tisht rolled his eyes, "This is why we shouldn't have females in a hunting group. They get all moody, and Robert's ready to propose."

Robert picked up a rock and clocked Kahlak'tisht right on the forehead, "You're not helping by teasing her."

The orc roared, "Just have sex with her and get it over with! We can't have the two of you mooning about like love-struck teenagers!" Kahlak'tisht cleaned his teeth with a bone, "Aiisha must be at least two hundred years old by now, anyway. She'd be an experienced lay."

Robert got up confused, "Huh? What do you mean?"

"I'll agree with the orc. She'll live forever while you'll find your life is limited. Are you really willing to commit to a life devoted to growing old while they are young?" Axith gives a solid steel look to both the orc and Robert before walking away.

"She's a fae, you idiot. She's probably outlived a thousand lovers or more." The orc continued to explain.

Whether he was welcome or not, Kahlak'tisht followed after Axith, not wanting to be left with the love-struck fae and mage.

Robert steps away from Aiisha slowly, "I. . . I'll just. . . Keep watch tonight. . ." Shocked from the information, Robert walked away heading just outside the camp, not saying a word.

The orc changed his mind and walked over to Robert, not sure if he was intending to rub it in, or alleviate the shock, "Her family was one of the first slaughtered in the Elven Fae war, remember? Don't you know your history? That happened an odd two years ago."

Robert sat quietly, "Too late. . . You said what had to be said."

The orc started to feel bad. Having never been in love before himself, he couldn't possibly begin to contemplate what Robert was going through. He cleared his throat.

"I've heard that some mages can extend their life. . . or that there are magical artefacts that can lengthen a normal life span." Kahlak'tisht tried to smile, "You could always try to find one. . ."

Robert eyes brighten, "I know of a way. . ."

"Really?" The orc had already lost interest, his stomach growling again, "Now that the Black Guards are taken care of, I have nothing better to do. . ."

Robert looked around to make sure Axith wasn't close by, "Come with me to a town to the north. It's there where I can put what you said into motion. We could even get the rest of them to come with. It's cold and mountainous, so there will be plenty of food there for you."

Kahlak'tisht shuddered, "The mountains? There are giants in the mountains." The orc ambled back over to the camp fire, and Robert followed him. Kahlak noticed that Robert avoided Aiisha's gaze, and he felt a hint of nasty satisfaction, "Is it necessary to go into the mountains?"

Robert sat beside Kahlak'tisht, "Not if we don't have to. Though I have an inkling that the chances of this quest being easy are next to nil. The village is just at the foot of the mountains. Oh one other thing, don't mention this to Axith. He. . . doesn't like the cold. . ." The man shifted his eyes away, hoping the Orc wouldn't notice his slip.