Forging

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Forging

Forged from a one-sided love affair
created into a double-edged sword
of skepticism and distrust,
I have walked this path,
uninspired for some long time.
Now, on the edge of the cooling pool,
do I dare dive in?
My muse may live there,
as he gently coos me in,
holding out the most delicate of things he owns.
His palms out, I cry as I lift this small, bright energy.
The power I once loved in another
is now my own to control,
and the fear overwhelms me to tears.

Now, my heart, straining against it’s cage
desperately wanting to love you,
needing to love you with all it can.
Taking every grasp of you it can get
through these bars that you are slowly crumbling
with your beauty, wonder, and patience.
I am grateful for each and every shred of moments
we share, my heart fluttering and racing to live it more.
Every word of your tenderness and soothing voice,
better than the most expensive oils on my skin.
And each thought and idea we share,
like flames of our passions,
licking and merging together in my mind,
to form a brighter fire.
When we meet,
a blaze will come that shall never be put out.
What we have now are merely embers,
to what we can hold together.
@(^_^)@
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*poke* :/
@(^_^)@
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Hi, Yoyo!

This is very bad! A Yoyo poem unreviewed? We must remedy...

(This has made my day much better. I have been longing for an enjoyable poem worth the read today *nod*. It's great.)

I love your ideas here. They're well-presented, though they're not entirely original. You managed to bring a wonderful tone to the table in this poem, Yoyo. :)

I do have one small complaint, though. I felt that there were too many words ending in ing, and that kind of gave a choppy feel to the poem. I think if you substituted some for the passive, active voice it could work better? See here:

Now, my heart, straining against it’s cage

desperately [s]wanting[/s] wants to love you,

[s]needing[/s]needs to love you with all it can.

Taking every grasp of you it can get

through these bars that you are slowly crumbling

with your beauty, wonder, and patience.


xD I hope I'm clear on that? Forgive me for not clearly voicing that in words, but I think the poem would have a more fluid language if worded more like that?

Nevertheless, Yoyo, this was an excellently done poem. I really enjoyed it, and I'd love to see more of your work. :)


Juniper
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter



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