Gion Matsuri

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Before the last bell rang, Maya sat alone at the centre of an empty classroom decorated by various posters. Most of these promoted the culture of Kyoto. It showed images of geishas, the Inari shrines, the Kyoto towers and various images of random people on the Gion Festival.
Before her was a teacher sitting in front of the classroom. A newspaper he was reading covered his face. There was nothing much to do in the classroom. She cannot be bothered doing homework and going around the classroom like a lost student.
Maya sighed. She laid her head on the table’s edge, clenching her hand tightly at the same time. This was taking far too long already. She cursed herself for being in detention. She knew better not to have a fight with three boys on broad daylight in front of two teachers. Yet, she could not help it. Her brother could not fight and would be beaten up if she ignored him.
Outside, the hallway was empty. It was no longer filled with students that would stream down the hall like a flood every time the school finished. She had watched them for the sole sake of doing something. Now that there were all gone, except for a janitor that mopped the floors after they left, she had nothing else to do but to count the ticking of the wall clock.

“Are you bored, Ms. Ranmaru?”
‘What else…?” she sighed.
“How about going around the room? This classroom needs cleaning you know. It will be great help if you do such an act.”
“No thanks, I had enough cleaning up for one day.”
For a moment there was an awkward silence between them. Maya banged her head softly against the edge of the table while the teacher continued to rummage through the newspaper.
“Hey, this is interesting.” Maya ignored him, “The Gion Festival is coming up soon. Two weeks time, at least.’
“Gion? I’ve heard of it. My mom and my best friend spoke of it often last week. It has been annoying.”
“The festival is never annoying.” He remarked, “It is as unpredictable as everyday life. Anything can happen there. The Matsuri is what makes Kyoto…Kyoto and that is my sole purpose of supporting the Matsuri.”
“Really…and I thought it was just a bunch of floats moving around the city. Anyway, the only real thing I like at Gion festivals are the yakitori chickens.”
“And you call yourself a citizen of Kyoto. Look here…” Maya raised her head sluggishly from the table edge and saw him placing the newspaper at the table surface. He rummaged through a page and roughly moved his index finger on the page. Maya gave a smirk to all this. She never saw this teacher before and she could clearly see the tiny red lumps on his bald head.
The teacher told her to come near the table and pointed to a large picture at the middle of the page.
“This is the Shizamaki family. They are the aristocrats of this region and guess what?”
He had not waited for her response.
“They had redecorated the old float that they had kept for three decades and it will be the first one in the paraded. Now that is what I am going to-”
“Hey, that’s Asuka.” Maya pointed her finger to a girl wearing a Shrine Maiden type dress. The girl stood at the center of the picture beside her mother who was holding a baby by her arms.
“Do you know her?” the man asked with eyes arched up high.
‘Yeah, we meet every Saturday by the swing near imperial Palace.”
“I’ve never thought that a rascally girl like you would know someone so privileged like the Shizamaki family. They once governed the region for two whole centuries and are now the main leaders of the Gion Festival.” The man gave a deep laugh. “How did you meet her?”
Maya shrugged, “I just met her after I bought Teriyaki. She’s never that special. She’s just like me. We went out with my brother to see a shrine on top of the hill and, after which, we gazed down at the crowds below us.”
‘Sounds like fun,” the teacher commented, “You are so lucky to meet a Shizamaki such as herself. If I would meet one, I would bow myself in front of them until my palms would bleed. However, I did meet a geisha once.”
“You mean those weird women with the masks. My brother and I always joke about them.” She placed her elbows by the table’s edge and looked at the window.
“They are not mask, girl!” he stated, “It is makeup that makes their faces white and by far, they are not to be laughed up. They are as important as the festival.”
“How come? They are no different like the women at TV.”
“To which I solely disagree. Geishas are what make Kyoto different from the other regions of Japan. They are an important factor in the festival than the floats and the market. They are what attract visitors to us. So you want to listen or what to how I met a geisha?”
“I’ll listen to anything that can kill time.”
“Rascally girl…” he murmured, “…So here it is. It was the 35th time I had participated on the festival. I had walked past the streets of Gion one night anxious because I had lost my wallet.”
“It’s only a wallet. I lost many things before. I had even lost a,”
“Rascally girl, that wallet was important to me. So here is the story, I had lost my wallet right and all of the sudden, this geisha appears. She took notice of my trouble, and she bid herself to help me. You cannot believe how relieved and shock I was that a geisha herself helped me.”
“Awww, that’s romantic…so what happened?”
“We had found the wallet under a shrine. It was such a relief to me. The Maiko was also grateful but had to leave me due to a party she had to attend. However she gave me her name though. It was Okuyi…such beautiful name it was.”
Maya groaned silently watching the clock tick every second. She wondered how before she would get out of here. From the window, the sun was about to set and the street lights began to light up. It was getting dark.
“Wanting to go now, Ms. Ranmaru?” the teacher looked at her quizzically.
“Yes,” she paused, “I was waiting for you to say that.”
“A few more minutes, Ms. Ranmaru. How about telling me an experience of yours on the Matsuri.”
“Do I have to?” she groaned.
“Do you want to kill time or not?”
Maya thought for a moment. She looked at the wall clock. There were still a few more minutes before her detention would end. She could wait for the clock to strike the number 3. However, she finally surrendered to the idea of talking to kill time.
‘Fine…” she sighed. “But I don’t know what I will tell. Most of my experiences are about eating yakitori. If you want I could tell about an incident between me, my brother and Asuka.”
“You mean the daughter of the Shizamaki? I’m interested. What kind of trouble have you got into that time?”
“It’s not like that I started it.” She defended, “It was her who did it not me. So we were in Food Street near the Kyoto University and Asuka who was with us wondered if she could steal food from the stall.”
“Steal, that’s a lie! The Shizamaki family was never taught to steal. They are very formal people unless…” he argued angrily, “you are a bad example for her.”
“No! I never told her to steal. We were eating curry beans and all of the sudden as we were passing a sushi bar, she stole one pack of them. The owner got angry and chased us inside the University. By the time he caught us, he blamed me for what had happened! Come on that was just wrong.”
“I don’t blame him. I would have blamed you too.” He chuckled.
“And you call yourself a teacher. So yeah…when he accused me of stealing, Asuka took the pack out of nowhere and gave it back to him. She then apologized and the man accepted it. However, he told me off not to order her to steal stuff.”
“She is a Shizamaki, of course.”
“Well that’s my experience of the Matsuri, nothing much except for sushi bars and a Shizamaki wanting to steal. And…” she looked up at the wall with a broad smile across her face, “I guess it’s time. I better be going now.”
“I guess you’re right.” The man pulled up his sleeve and nodded at the time by his watch. “Time was fast when we are talking. It has been a pleasure to talk to you, girl.”
Maya did not reply but fumbled with her bag by the desk. She picked it up and placed it by her back.
“Well, I’ll be going now. Thanks for killing time for me. And if we meet by the Matsuri, I’ll show you the stealing Shizamaki.” She grinned as she walked towards the door.
“It will be a pleasure,” he began to wave, “Just doesn’t let her steal another sushi pack by two weeks time.”
Maya rolled her eyes before she waved back towards the teacher. She slid the door opened shouting the words, “I had not told her to steal anything.”
The teacher did not reply her but continued to wave her goodbye. Maya left quickly running towards the exit of the hallway thinking of a new prank just in case she met him by the Matsuri.
Last edited by foxfire on Wed Jul 29, 2009 3:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?
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Hey there Foxfire.

I'll be keeping this short as I have several other things to do.

Overall impressions:

I felt that some parts of the piece felt reductant whereas there could be more development in others. To me, the story didn't really start till the Gion Matsuri is mentioned.

The first half of the piece does very little in developing characters and setting. All we know is that the main character is in detention and is a bit of a rebel and is bored, and the teacher's kind of a bit of a cliche with the whole "I don't really care kind of attitude". All this is pretty much filler.

If you want your first half to have relevance, then you need to consider the following:

-Is this taking place somewhere in Japan? I didn't really get that impression until I saw the names....
To me, it seemed more like a Western school... You don't really seem to show any insight of what school life is like in Japan. Why show Maya looking at people in the classroom? What's the point? What's the point of showing all the redundant things that she does out of boredom? It's just plain filler, it doesn't have any reason to be there other to show that she's bored...and how does that have relevance in building up to the festival plot point? It doesn't.

-The conversation between the teacher and Maya was dragged on way too long and boring. Yes...I get it, she's bored. The discussion doesn't show any insight into the characters at all. Do we really need to know why she got into detention through the discussion between them? No, because your plot is pretty much the festival itself.

-Things got slightly more interesting when the point of the piece finally comes (the festival). However, this was pretty much introduced pretty randomly. It's like, "Oh, I feel like mentioning this". There is like no build up to this at all. The festival must be great if the teacher asked Maya if she's heard of it. Therefore, show it more! Are there girls in the corridor gossiping about it? Media hype? Give us subtle hints of this festival so that when the teacher mentions it, it doesn't seem random (it would also help to show more of the reasons as to why he would mention the festival).

-But even when they start talking of the festival, it was still pretty boring, because it doesn't show their passion and love for the festival. It's just stating mere facts. I mean hasn't the teacher been there before? Why not have him talk about his past experiences at that festival? Why not show more of the reasons as to why he is going to the festival or why he likes it so much? The same goes for Maya, I don't really get as to why she's so keen to go. What's the impression that she got of the festival? Why is it so appealing to her? etc etc. Don't just state mere facts about it, show the passion among these two characters. That would be good character development.

Overall, this piece needs some work. You need to think about this piece again in more depth and figure out exactly what is needed and what isn't.

I hope this has helped.

Andy.
"To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and survive."



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