my best friend

My best friend
forever in my heart
will never leave
even when I am down

I can count on her
understand her ways
learn from my mistakes
and never make them again

sometimes we argue
sometimes we fight
but forever and ever
me and her = best friends

I might say that the topic of "best friend" is a bit overused, but, when described with originality, the reader can get the feeling that they have never read a poem of the like before.

One suggestion is that you change the slang "me and her" in the last line to "she and I" if you want a more formal effect.

This poem has a good idea behind it but it seemed to lack a little in effort.

Stanza 1:
The lines have been broken in an uneven manner and the flow has not been established well.You could possibly improvise on this by reconsidering things such as number of syllables,choice of words,etc.

Stanza 2:
The words "learn from my mistakes" suddenly causes a transition and breaks the connection.The narrator could perhaps add something pertaining to what is learnt from the friend instead.

Stanza 3:
No problem here until the last line which really does not fit in.


Do consider revising this.You will do much better.

Hi! Here goes . . .

My best friend
forever in my heart A bit of a cliched idea for me. but if you like it, keep it.
will never leave
even when I am down i think you should change the word down, because the time when friends never leave is when you are unhappy. should it be something like angry or mad

The stanza doesn't seem to flow, it feels like four seperate lines without any rhythm. As young gun said, reconsider some things.

I can count on her
understand her ways
learn from my mistakes this doesn't fit in with the first two lines. You were talking about understanding her and now you are learning from your mistakes. I think a lot more detail needs to go into this.
and never make them again

sometimes we argue
sometimes we fight No problem here
but forever and ever
me and her = best friends i don't know if this is just me but these two lines feel very immature. forever and ever is quite a childish phrase so i would change that to something a bit more mature. Me and her adds to this. the one thing that does it for me is the = it just doesn't work.

There is no punctuation at all in the poem, i'm not great at punctuation so if i put in my own it would probably be wrong, but you need some!

overall

for me, writing about a best friend would be something very personal and deep. friends mean a lot to me and if they mean enough to write a poem about it shoule be very special. But this poem feels a little superficial as though no thought has gone into it. some basic ideas are there but they haven't been explained or expanded on. if you really wanted to write a poem about her i would definitly try again, just add more depth, feeling and punctuation!

Aqua X