I try

I listen.

I run.

I scream.

I fall.

I try.

I kick.

I punch.

I hit.

I bite.

But I'm helpless.

For a poem written on the spot, it's pretty good. Nevertheless, I have a few suggestions, which you should feel free to ignore if you so choose, most of which involve rearranging the lines you already have written.

First of all, I would move "I try" to the ninth line of the poem rather than sticking it in the middle so that it could help summarize and conclude the passage. It also works well with the following line. "I try/ But I can do nothing." I also might try swapping "I punch" and "I hit."

Also, if this were my poem, I would change the final line to read "But I can do nothing." It just seems to have better rhythm than "But I'm helpless."

Finally, I think I would delete one of the "I verb" lines so that there are eight of them rather than nine, and eight is a nice even number. If I had to choose which one, I'd probably delete "I bite." The word "bite" just has such a harsh, unpleasant sound to it, it really interrupts the flow of the poem.

If you used all these suggestions, the poem would read:

I listen.

I run.

I scream.

I fall.

I kick.

I hit.

I punch.

I try.

But I can do nothing.

But, like I said, all of these comments are totally opinion based and you should feel free to ignore them all. Overall, good poem. I like it! =]

I'm not quite sure what this poem is about, i mean i understand what's happening but i dont know why and i don't know any of the feelings behind it.
for a poem written on the spot i guess it's pretty good but i think you should take it away and write more. I'm a fan of simple poems but you could do so much more to this instead of just leaving it as this. That said the whole thing flows well which i like!

I hope you do add to it, i like it so far.

Aqua X

Hey!

Hm. It's pretty good, for a poem written on the spot. I would suggest switching some of the lines, though, so it would go something like this:

I listen.
I run.
I scream.
I fall.
I kick.
I hit.
I punch.
I try.
But I'm helpless.

One thing. What are you helpless about? I think meggy got a much better line, "But I can do nothing." It makes a tad bit more sense.

Overall:

I like it. I'm not a big fan of short poems like this, as they sometimes bring out no real meaning/point, but I really liked this. Keep up the good work!

zOe

I liked this for some reason!
I've actually written a poem in a similar style, just one word lines, i might submit it having seen someone else attempt it.
As for the actual content, i don't know what it was supposed to be about, but i got the image of someone running from an attacker, perhaps in a horror movie.

Good job!

Hey there!

This is decent, but it needs work! It's skinny, and could definitely use some fat!

What I caught here was a person/character struggling to fight back, who's essentially failing at it.

The lines are a bit too short-- you're just telling us that you do this and that, and we're left to guess! A bit of backstory on this would be nice to fill up your poem. Right now, it's a bit of a stretch to call it a poem seeing as it lacks description and mostly anything that makes a poem, dear.

I don't have much to say on this, other than well done on hinting something at the audience in such a small amount of words.

Keep writing!

June

I've got one question: what happened? Sorry, I'm just in suspense mode. I'm itching for an elaboration! A longer poem that's a little more specific? You've got me hooked. The sense of desparation and helplessness has gotten the best of me. Please, write more.

-Vox

I thought this was good for a short, simple poem and I am guessing it is about a person running away from an attacker. You know there's the running and the screaming and the falling and the punching back and biting but you know, it's no good and the person is helpless. \
This may not be right but this is what I interpreted it as anyway. I would move "I try" to the second last line as everyone else has suggested because it makes more sense that way. It is weird that the title of the poem is slap bang in the middle of the poem.

Great poem for an on the spot thing though and you could maybe expand on it and make it longer, better etc

Keep up the effort.