Together & Apart - Chapter One

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TOGETHER AND APART

Acceptance isn’t easy.
CHAPTER ONE

I stared at my computer screen.
“Jess!”
I waited silently for my sister to burst in through the closed doors. When she didn’t, I pouted.
“Jess!”
I drummed my fingers against the glass desk that supported my desktop and sighed. I’d actually have to get up and walk all the way to her room to get her, I thought with a smile.
I closed my door behind me and entered her multicolored room. Clothes were strewn across the wood floor, with stuffed animals peeking out every so often. Definitely the room of a twelve year old. “Feel like coming when I call you?”
I grinned at her and tilted my hips.
“I’m not a dog,” she said, her eyes glued to the Dell laptop on her bed. Her newly pedicured feet swung back and forth in the air.
“You’re a female dog, for sure,” I teased. I jumped on her bed and collapsed against her. I’m never one for personal space.
“Har har, now get off! You’re so fat.”
“That’s just muscle baby,” I said, flexing the arm muscles that weren’t really there. “Anyways, want to go find people?”
She closed her laptop and turned her torso to face me. “Like boys?”
I rolled my eyes. Lately, Jess had been in a male-crazy stage. “Yes, like boys. Girls are less fun. Except us.”
“I know, it must be terrible for the world not to know the wonderful Jessecca.”
That was her nickname for us; Jessecca. Jess and Rebecca, but don’t ever call me by my full name. It’s Becka, no exceptions.
I changed into a black wife beater and shorts, back in my room. Summer time remained my favourite season simply because of all I got to show off during said time. I smiled. Slutty thoughts are a no-no Becka!
Jess yelled my name from the hall.
“People are trying to sleep, you stupid hoe!”
“I’ll kill you!”
I threw open my door and, with a dramatic gesture, threw my head back and said, “Just try and catch me.”
Then I ran past her, and jumped down the eight steps that led from the first floor to the front door. I swung it open, slipped on my heels, and sprinted outside.
She came out after me, lunging for my torso. I went down with a crack to my head.
“OW. BITCH.”
She laughed and I joined in, after the initial pain wore off. “Okay, let’s go find some guys.”
I bent forward and ruffled my hair. Though my birth certificate said brown, the locks that fell from my head glimmered as a more strawberry blonde during summer. With tanned skin and blue eyes, I approve of this season.
We meandered down roads we didn’t know, waving at cars and being beeped at. Well my fifteen year old body might have been more the aim of them, but whatever.
That was the day. The day my life changed.
“A KID.”
I looked around fervently. “Where?!”
We stopped in the middle of the road. “Over there, right up ahead.”
“Sweet.”
I ruffled my hair upside down. A couple yards in front of us, two kids were arguing. I continued walking to eavesdrop.
“Fuck off, Adam!”
“Don’t swear at me, you bitch!”
I looked to Jess and widened my eyes. Whoa, our faces said.
I stood on my toes to look over the fence. (I’m 5’3” and that fence was really big!) The girls back was to me, but she didn’t look old enough to be an adult. He had blonde hair, bangs falling on his face, and seemed slightly younger than me. Judging by his voice, he hadn’t hit puberty yet.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” She said, enunciating each time she said it. I laughed at the head and hand movements she made.
“Cunt.”
She stormed away, stomping feet and bobbing blonde hair. Her hair, unlike mine, was actually blonde.
The blonde boy noticed Jess and I staring. He smiled and waved. “Hey there, enjoy the show?”
Jess twirled a blonde lock around her finger and giggled.
I laughed. “Yes, quite the demonstration of sibling love...?” I said, asking with my tone if they were related.
“Yea, that’s my sister. Britt. She’s usually not so bitchy but-“
“I can hear you!” She screamed from within the house.
“Okay!” He yelled back. “I’m Adam.”
“We heard,” I said, smiling. “I’m Becka, and this one’s my sister Jess.”
He walked towards us, casting a scowling backwards glance at his sister, who was washing dishes in the kitchen window. He opened the gate into his yard. “Wanna hang?”
I beamed. “Sure.”
We went with him inside his house, and ended up in the basement on his xbox.
“I warned you! I’m a fucking beast,” I yelled, shooting Adam’s player in Call of Duty. “Don’t underestimate me cause I’ve got a vagina.”
He laughed, but the look on his face showed mostly determination. “Well I’ve got a dick and I’ll be damned if I let tits kick my ass.”
“I’ve done it before,” Brittney said, popping her head into the room. She walked in and grabbed her chest. “And these are definitely tits.”
We all laughed, but Adam’s died down quickest. “There! Fuck. You. Bitch.”
“Competitive are we? Because I think, I’m still winning, hm?”
The match ended 150-110. Adam threw his controller on the couch and groaned. “Can’t believe you beat me.”
“I’ll go easy on you next time,” I said, smiling. “Hey, you got any soda?”
Brittney caught my eye. “I’ll show you where it is, come on,” she said, her eyes darting to Adam and Jess.
I rolled my eyes in an oh gesture. “I’ll be right back. You two should play, I get winner.”
We left the two of them alone, laughing to ourselves. “They’d make a cute couple, don’t you think? Even if my brother is kind of a loser for any girl.”
“Jess is desperate; she’d go for practically anyone with a penis.”
Brittney raised an eyebrow and laughed. “Wow, sounds healthy.”
I opened the downstairs fridge to find four shelves of soda. Where it was labeled dairy and vegetables, pepsi and mountain dew hid.
“Whoa. This is quite impressive, I must say.”
Brittney bent under my arm, which was positioned on the side of the fridge door, and grabbed a sprite. “Help yourself. We’ve got chips and shit in that cabinet too.”
“Eh, I stick to liquids,” I said, smiling. “Can’t get my shooting fingers dirty.”
I opened the can of diet coke, tearing the cap thing and pocketing it.
“Collect bottle tops or something?”
I rolled my eyes internally, slow to realize I’d even done that. I tended to not notice half the things I did. I laughed and said, “No, I’ve always done it. Habit, I guess. I make bracelets out of them sometimes.”
Britt perked up. “Oh? Will you make me one?” She asked, a coy smile on her face.
“Sure, no problemo. So, you think they’re done in there?”
“Let’s go see.”
I followed her back to the gaming room.
“Whoa there!”
I turned around, away from the scene on the couch. “I did not need to see that, ever!”
I ran out of the room, with Britt on my heels. Her blonde hair brushed my shoulders and I jumped.
“Wow,” was all she muttered.
“You’re telling me,” I said, “Today, my eleven year old sister got her first kiss before me.”
Brittney laughed. For like a whole minute. “You’ve never been kissed?!”
“Shut up,” I teased, “or I’ll kill you in your sleep.”
“I wouldn’t mind finding you above my bed,” she whispered, her face inches from mine.
Suddenly, the darkness outside the windows seemed too dark. The quiet in the hallway was too quiet. The proximity between us was too close. I sucked in air.
My gaze travelled from her fathomless eyes, which didn’t leave my face, to her parted lips. I leaned back slightly, to place my palms against the wall and steady myself. I licked my bottom lip unconsciously.
She was taller than me, so when her body pressed mine against the wall, her neck dipped slightly. Her lips grazed my cheek. I felt hands exploring my waist as a desperate feeling engulfed my lower body. I was sixteen for God’s sake and I’d never held hands with a boy.
I moved my own hands slowly up her chest, and around her neck. I found myself pushing her down, against my own neck, where she was nuzzling. She nipped at some skin and a moan escaped me.
She came back up and grinned. Then she kissed me.
At first, all I felt were her lips on mine. The soft textures rubbing in slow motion. Then, her tongue flickered against my teeth. I clutched some of her hair, the silky locks tickling me even more. Her hands slipped under my tank top, the coolness of her palms lighting my stomach on fire. I kissed her back.
“Ahem,” someone cleared their throat.
Brittney slowly pulled her mouth off me, much to my dislike. She kept her eyes locked with mine, her lids half opened in a state of serenity. My chest fell up and down in quicker than usual motions.
“Well, I did not know this about you,” Adam said, his stare inflicted upon Britt. But her gaze didn’t leave me, even when I started to feel my cheeks burn.
“I’m just as surprised,” Jess muttered. “Fun way to find out.”
His arm was slinked around her waist, which still hadn’t become a different size than her hips.
Brittney slipped the fingers of her right hand in my left, filling the void that had always called for attention. She smiled. “Shut up Adam.”



Criticize harshly . I might cry but I'll enjoy it >D
Like seriously , in depth pain :D
i sleep under yer bed .




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Reviews 135
Hi,
So to start off, this story is not what I expected, which in my opinion is always good, I love the air of a surprise! Your writing was well done, though I noticed a few things that could have been changed. Not to worry though, we can fix them up in a second!

All my edits, comments and concerns will be in bold!


I stared at my computer screen.

“Jess!”

I waited silently for my sister to burst in through the closed doors. When she didn’t, I pouted.

“Jess!”

I drummed my fingers against the glass desk that supported my desktop and sighed. I’d actually have to get up and walk all the way to her room to get her, I thought with a smile.

I closed my door behind me and entered her multicolored room. Clothes were strewn across the wood floor, with stuffed animals peeking out every so often. Definitely the room of a twelve year old. “Feel like coming when I call you?”

I grinned at her and tilted my hips. -You begin your sentences with I a lot, maybe try something different, so the reading does not become dull.

“I’m not a dog,” she said, her eyes glued to the Dell laptop on her bed. Her newly pedicured feet swung back and forth in the air.

“You’re a female dog, for sure,” I teased. I jumped on her bed and collapsed against her. I’m never one for personal space.

“Har har, now get off! You’re so fat.”

“That’s just muscle baby,” I said, flexing the arm muscles that weren’t really there. “Anyways, want to go find people?”

She closed her laptop and turned her torso to face me. “Like boys?”

I rolled my eyes. Lately, Jess had been in a male-crazy stage. “Yes, like boys. Girls are less fun. Except us.”

“I know, it must be terrible for the world not to know the wonderful Jessecca.”

That was her nickname for us; Jessecca. Jess and Rebecca, but don’t ever call me by my full name. It’s Becka, no exceptions.

I changed into a black wife beater and shorts, back in my room. Summer time remained my favourite season simply because of all I got to show off during said time. I smiled. Slutty thoughts are a no-no Becka! - This part is slightly confusing, first she's saying how much she got to show off, I think you mean skin wise, and then your saying slutty thoughts are no-no. Possibly you could do something like 'Slutty girls are un-liked, Becka!" my mother's oh so annoying voice reminded me.

Jess yelled my name from the hall.

“People are trying to sleep, you stupid hoe!” -Why did she say people are trying to sleep, clarify!

“I’ll kill you!”

I threw open my door and, with a dramatic gesture, threw my head back and said, “Just try and catch me.”

Then I ran past her, and jumped down the eight steps that led from the first floor to the front door. I swung it open, slipped on my heels, and sprinted outside.

She came out after me, lunging for my torso. I went down with a crack to my head.

“OW. BITCH.”

She laughed and I joined in, after the initial pain wore off. “Okay, let’s go find some guys.”

I bent forward and ruffled my hair. Though my birth certificate said brown, the locks that fell from my head glimmered as a more strawberry blonde during summer. With tanned skin and blue eyes, I approve of this season.

We meandered down roads we didn’t know, waving at cars and being beeped at. Well my fifteen year old body might have been more the aim of them, but whatever.

That was the day. The day my life changed.

“A KID.”

I looked around fervently. “Where?!”

We stopped in the middle of the road. “Over there, right up ahead.”

“Sweet.”

I ruffled my hair upside down. A couple yards in front of us, two kids were arguing. I continued walking to eavesdrop.

“Fuck off, Adam!”

“Don’t swear at me, you bitch!”

I looked to Jess and widened my eyes. Whoa, our faces said.

I stood on my toes to look over the fence. (I’m 5’3” and that fence was really big!) The girls back was to me, but she didn’t look old enough to be an adult. He had blonde hair, bangs falling on his face, and seemed slightly younger than me. Judging by his voice, he hadn’t hit puberty yet.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” She said, enunciating each time she said it. I laughed at the head and hand movements she made.

“Cunt.” The boy said.

She stormed away, stomping feet and bobbing blonde hair. Her hair, unlike mine, was actually blonde.

The blonde boy noticed Jess and I staring. He smiled and waved. “Hey there, enjoy the show?”

Jess twirled a blonde lock around her finger and giggled.

I laughed. “Yes, quite the demonstration of sibling love...?” I said, asking with my tone if they were related.

“Yea, that’s my sister. Britt. She’s usually not so bitchy but-“

“I can hear you!” She screamed from within the house.

“Okay!” He yelled back. “I’m Adam.”

“We heard,” I said, smiling. “I’m Becka, and this one’s my sister Jess.”

He walked towards us, casting a scowling backwards glance at his sister, who was washing dishes in the kitchen window. He opened the gate into his yard. “Wanna hang?”

I beamed. “Sure.”

We went with him inside his house, and ended up in the basement on his xbox.

“I warned you! I’m a fucking beast,” I yelled, shooting Adam’s player in Call of Duty. “Don’t underestimate me cause I’ve got a vagina.”

He laughed, but the look on his face showed mostly determination. “Well I’ve got a dick and I’ll be damned if I let tits kick my ass.”

“I’ve done it before,” Brittney said, popping her head into the room. She walked in and grabbed her chest. “And these are definitely tits.”

We all laughed, but Adam’s died down quickest. “There! Fuck. You. Bitch.”

“Competitive are we? Because I think, I’m still winning, hm?”

The match ended 150-110. Adam threw his controller on the couch and groaned. “Can’t believe you beat me.”

“I’ll go easy on you next time,” I said, smiling. “Hey, you got any soda?”

Brittney caught my eye. “I’ll show you where it is, come on,” she said, her eyes darting to Adam and Jess.

I rolled my eyes in an oh gesture. “I’ll be right back. You two should play, I get winner.”

We left the two of them alone, laughing to ourselves. “They’d make a cute couple, don’t you think? Even if my brother is kind of a loser for any girl.”

“Jess is desperate; she’d go for practically anyone with a penis.”

Brittney raised an eyebrow and laughed. “Wow, sounds healthy.”

I opened the downstairs fridge to find four shelves of soda. Where it was labeled dairy and vegetables, pepsi and mountain dew hid.

“Whoa. This is quite impressive, I must say.”

Brittney bent under my arm, which was positioned on the side of the fridge door, and grabbed a sprite. “Help yourself. We’ve got chips and shit in that cabinet too.”

“Eh, I stick to liquids,” I said, smiling. “Can’t get my shooting fingers dirty.”

I opened the can of diet coke, tearing the cap thing and pocketing it.

“Collect bottle tops or something?”

I rolled my eyes internally, slow to realize I’d even done that. I tended to not notice half the things I did. I laughed and said, “No, I’ve always done it. Habit, I guess. I make bracelets out of them sometimes.”

Britt perked up. “Oh? Will you make me one?” She asked, a coy smile on her face.

“Sure, no problemo. So, you think they’re done in there?”

“Let’s go see.”

I followed her back to the gaming room.

“Whoa there!”

I turned around, away from the scene on the couch. “I did not need to see that, ever!”

I ran out of the room, with Britt on my heels. Her blonde hair brushed my shoulders and I jumped.

“Wow,” was all she muttered.

“You’re telling me,” I said, “Today, my eleven year old sister got her first kiss before me.”

Brittney laughed. For like a whole minute. “You’ve never been kissed?!”

“Shut up,” I teased, “or I’ll kill you in your sleep.”

“I wouldn’t mind finding you above my bed,” she whispered, her face inches from mine.

Suddenly, the darkness outside the windows seemed too dark. The quiet in the hallway was too quiet. The proximity between us was too close. I sucked in air.

My gaze travelled from her fathomless eyes, which didn’t leave my face, to her parted lips. I leaned back slightly, to place my palms against the wall and steady myself. I licked my bottom lip unconsciously.

She was taller than me, so when her body pressed mine against the wall, her neck dipped slightly. Her lips grazed my cheek. I felt hands exploring my waist as a desperate feeling engulfed my lower body. I was sixteen for God’s sake and I’d never held hands with a boy.

I moved my own hands slowly up her chest, and around her neck. I found myself pushing her down, against my own neck, where she was nuzzling. She nipped at some skin and a moan escaped me.

She came back up and grinned. Then she kissed me.

At first, all I felt were her lips on mine. The soft textures rubbing in slow motion. Then, her tongue flickered against my teeth. I clutched some of her hair, the silky locks tickling me even more. Her hands slipped under my tank top, the coolness of her palms lighting my stomach on fire. I kissed her back.

“Ahem,” someone cleared their throat.

Brittney slowly pulled her mouth off me, much to my dislike. She kept her eyes locked with mine, her lids half opened in a state of serenity. My chest fell up and down in quicker than usual motions.

“Well, I did not know this about you,” Adam said, his stare inflicted upon Britt. But her gaze didn’t leave me, even when I started to feel my cheeks burn.

“I’m just as surprised,” Jess muttered. “Fun way to find out.”

His arm was slinked around her waist, which still hadn’t become a different size than her hips.

Brittney slipped the fingers of her right hand in my left, filling the void that had always called for attention. She smiled. “Shut up Adam.”


Everything else looks good! No spelling mistakes that I can see! I really enjoyed this story, it kept me interested the whole way!

If you need anything PM me!

Love,
N
Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel I should be doing something else.
-Gloria Steinem




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Thank you soo much for your review ! For some reason I completely missed all those I's . :?
Haha and the slutty thoughts thing sounds much better the way you put it . That's what happens when you try to write under the influence of caffiene at three am . XD
i sleep under yer bed .




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Hey there Mandeyy. My name's Squall and I'm one of the instructors on YWS.

Overall impressions:

I think a big problem with the piece is that a lot of it is irrelevant or does little to contribute to the overall purpose or theme of the piece. Really, it was pretty much the ending that had any story at all (the lesbian bit). The rest? Well it was pretty much typical mocks and insults being tossed back and forth with no actual purpose to them. To me, it seemed like you didn't know where this story was going.

We know basically nothing about the characters and their situation at all. Also, there's just no sense of conflict at all. Almost everything that's in the piece is pretty much useless.

If you intend to rewrite this, then I think you should start from the whole "lesbian" bit as that will allow for some interesting conflicts and character development.

Think about it: Why would they "like like" one another? What effect does this relationship on other characters? What do their parents/sibling think? etc etc

Then show more of the characters. E.g: What is the narrator like? Does her characteristics contribute to this relationship in any way or form? What about that of other characters?

I'm going to PM you a piece that shares some similarities with your piece, but there is a driving point behind it and everything has a point to it. It will pretty much help back up what I've said here.

I apologize if this review sounds harsh, but I think you can do better than this. I hope you will take what I've said here and make good use of it in the long run.

Take care.

Andy
"To the edge of the universe and back. Endure and survive."




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Hahaa now I feel bad , because what you just said was basically true . I had no idea what was happening here , I was just writing to write . And then I posted it , which probably was kinda terrible to do . (:
I'll try to edit up chapter one and give chapter two a more driving force . (:
i sleep under yer bed .




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Hello, you have an interesting situation going on here. I'm not going to nitpick at grammar or spelling but I will nitpick at a few other things.

Please pick an age for your characters. One minute Becka is fifteen then she's sixteen and Jess is twelve then she's eleven.

Up until Becka and Adam's sister where alone, there were no indicators of that she might be interested in Becka. Not that it needs to be outward stated but some other build up might be a good idea.

Going form setting to setting. You did it fairly good but some more detail could be very useful.

Hope this helps. Keep it up.
I shall but love thee better after death.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning




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Wheadee
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Overall, the story went too fast and it had no...point to it. We don't know the characters, and to be honest, they got too comfortable too fast. The kids just met right? So why did they cuss at each other so naturally and kiss out of nowhere?




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wow. unexpected, really unexpected. The story was interesting but I think everything went on too fast. Second I thought Rebecca liked boys and suddenly she's making out with Britney!! Then her sister, she's playing and then making out with Adam, and I didn't know how old was Adam.There's also that I got a little bit confused, there were some things that didn't add up anything useful to the story and a heck lot of insults!! So I liked it,I think that the lesbian thingie really adds up somthing different to the story making it interesting. I would have liked a different end though, I considered it was a bit weak compared to the events that happened before it.

I (it would feelawkward if I said I liked it) think it was good, thre are some things that you can change to make the story better, but it was good, at least to me. I would like to know if you are going to post the next chapter, so please PM me if you are going to post it, please. I'd like to know more about each of the characters.

pudin
Les sanglots longs
Des violons
De l'autonne
Blessent mon coeur
D'une langueur
Monotone.

Verlaine



Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.
— J.K. Rowling