Here ya go...
...........
I was sitting in the hard wooden chair, unable to move. All I could do was stare at my son. My first child, my only son. I had already asked the nurse several times if he was in pain.
His face was relaxed, his whole body limp in the bed. In fact, his head had rolled over to the side a bit, at an angle that looked uncomfortable. I reached out gently straightened it with my hand. My fingers rested on the warm, stubbly cheek of a boy who would never become a man. Never marry, never sing lullabies to a child…
It was too much to think of. I rose from my chair and stood hunched over him, my elbows resting on his chest as I prayed to the Lord begging that He take care of my child. Heavy sobs echoed around the room, breaking the steady timed beeping of the telemetry and the puffs of the respirator.
He was almost gone. I could feel it. His heart still beat and his chest still rose and fell, but the person inside the body seemed to be gone already. I tried to pray, tried to rein in the tears, just in case he could hear me. If he could, he’d know that I was distraught. I didn’t want my son’s last memories to be those of a heartbroken woman sobbing over her child’s empty body.
So I sang. Whispering the words, barely humming the refrain of Amazing Grace.
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I’m found. Blind but now, I see.”
A hand landed on my shoulder, and I whirled to see the face of a weary-looking man whose hair was white, his navy dress shirt accented with a maroon tie that had a large gold cross in the center.
“Mistress Steel?” he said softly, his eyes full of compassion that seemed to soften the room’s mechanical purring that held a dull sense of death and despair.
“Yes?” I whispered, the words barely leaving my lips.
“I’m Dr. Bell. The hospital’s cleric. I believe you asked to see me.”
“Yes-yes, you’re right,” I said hoarsely.
“I take this young man is your son?”
“Justin. He has a twin, my daughter Dante… I wanted you to speak with her. But she’s run off.”
“Perhaps I may be able to help you locate her? “ He asked gently, extending a hand that held a packet of tissues.
“
Thankyou, Doctor,” I murmured, turning towards the wall as I blew my nose.
“I’ll check with the nurses,” he said, turning to leave.
As soon as he had passed through the door way, I went into the bathroom, shutting the door tightly and cried heavily. I began to wretch, vomiting in absolute disgust at what the world was doing. My son was dying. And there was no one who could help him.
………………..
I saw golden specks of light on the backs of my eyelids. Moaning, I opened my eyes a crack, wondering what new hell my life had become.
I was in white room that had white sheets, white walls, white floor tiles- I lifted my head and saw strips of black. Dark colored straps of woven nylon were buckled over my abdomen. I tried to sit up, but the itchy fibers of the straps held me down.
I was in restraints.
“Damn it…damn….” I croaked, hot tears of anger sliding down my face.
There was a tube coming out of my arm, two short pieces of plastic that sat on the inner part of my elbow.
I looked up to see a grey-haired nurse, whose wisened face gazed down at me.
“Can you tell me your name?”
“Dante Steel,” I said, not knowing whether to trust this woman or not.
“So Dante, what happened?”
“What happened? What happened ! My brother is DYING, that’s what happened! Now let me go. NOW.”
“Slow down. I didn’t do anything to you, Dante,” she said in a calm but firm tone.
“I don’t give a damn. Let me go!”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that. Do you remember how you got here?”
“Well where the hell is here, anyways, Miss Know It All?”
“You’re in the Emergency Department,” she replied, crooking an eyebrow as she said so.
“The ER? What am I doing here? I need to be at the ICU, right now.”
“I’m afraid that’s not possible. You’re currently a ward of the state. You’re in medical custody.”
“What?”
“You’re in medical custody. The hospital is responsible for your well-being.”
“Huh? I’m not a delinquent!”
“I didn’t say you were, dear,” she replied quietly.
“What do I have to do to make you let me go!”
“There’s nothing for you to do but rest and wait for the doctor.”
“Fine. You’ll see when the doctor gets here, this is all a mistake.”
“Do you know you’re hurt?”
“What? Oh, my God!” I shrieked, seeing the enormous red welt that covered half of my left forearm.
Whitish yellow permeated the bloody mass. It was my bone.
“Good God, the radius and ulna must be shattered,” I remarked.
“They haven’t done an x-ray yet, but I believe you’re right.”
“It should hurt like hell,” I mused, but strangely, it only ached dully.
“They gave you an anesthetic. And took blood.”
“I didn’t say anyone could have my blood tested! And I didn’t ask for painkillers either!”
“Now get me out of here!” I began to shake the bed, trying to get out of the straps that held me down.
I continued to writhe, pulling and shuffling, shrieking-
When the straps slid over the injury on my arm, I screamed in pain. But I kept struggling.
“Casey, we need some ativan in here,” called Miss Know It All through the door of the room.
“Five cc’s, coming right up.” Said Casey, nodding as she walked off to get the drug.
“No! This is illegal,” I wailed, but no one listened.
“We’re going to sedate you. You’re out of control, Dante. You need help,” Know It All declared calmly.
“You’re the ones who need help,” I shrieked, “You depraved lunatics-“
“That’s quite enough, Dante,”said a voice. It was Casey, back with a long, slender syringe in her hand.
“Help me with this,” Casey urged Know It All.
“ Okay. In the thigh?”
“Yeah, this is an intramuscular one,” she responded.
Know It All and Casey began to pull up my hospital gown, and I began to thrash about violently, trying to twist away from them. I jerked and convulsed, shrieked, wriggled and spat at them. They seemed unfazed.
“That’s disgusting. Stop it,” Casey commanded.
It only made me fight harder.
But they won out. Casey pressed her arms over my abdomen, rendering me motionless.
Know It All stuck the needle in my leg and pushed the stopper.
A slight burning sensation appeared as the thick syrupy medication was forced into my bloodstream.
“Now you’re done it! Let me gooooo!” I shrieked again.
But I was tied down, of course, and my screams echoed in the now-empty room.
I eventually quit struggling, staring dully at the ceiling in a drowsy stupor.
Terrifying thoughts filled my mind, and I began to cry and shout. Images of monsters danced in my vision, holding sharp cleavers that they struck down at me with.
“They want to eat me! They’re going to kill me and eat me! Help!” I cried.
I tried to bite the phantom creatures, spitting in their faces, watching their shadowy forms undulate about my room… I was terrified. I tried to get out of the restraints once again, but it was useless.
“Help! Help me! They’re going to EAT ME!”
A nurse appeared in my doorway, looking at me as if I were insane.
“Hi, I’m Britta, I’ll be taking you to radiology for an x-ray of your arm.”
“Please, don’t you see them! They’re trying to eat me!”
“Pardon?”
“Those creatures- they’re going to eat me. I’ll only be bones! Please!”
“Do you know your name?”
“I’m Dante Steel, and I’m gonna be Dante in a Pie if you don’t stop them!”
“Dante, there are no creatures in here. No one is going to eat you. You’re safe here. I promise you, you’re perfectly safe. I just want to take you to get a picture of your arm.”
“Wait- a picture? Will the creatures go away when I’m in there?” I asked, suddenly calming. If the creatures would go away, I’d be okay. But they were still all over me, trying to chop off my limbs, taking chunks of flesh out of my face.
“Yes. It’s just a picture. I’ve got to speak to someone for a minute. I’ll be right back.”
She stalked off in a hurry.
I heard someone saying something in a low, urgent tone. I listened more closely.
“Dante Steel- she’s in room six. I checked her paperwork, and on admission, there was no indication that she was psychotic or having any sort of hallucinations. I was informed that she had an injection of ativan an hour ago- but oddly, now she is acting quite strangely. She’s hallucinating but still able to speak and knows who she is… I just thought that upon admission, she was suicidal, not insane.”
“Give her Fluphenazine. It will combat the hallucinations and delusions. She may be lethargic from it, but it will settle her down. “
“Thankyou, Dr. Smithees.”
I wondered if this Smithees-person knew about the monsters who were eating me. It occurred to me that it seemed odd that for some reason the cutting didn’t hurt, but I was still definitely being attacked by monsters. Maybe the doctors were in league with them, trying to help them eat me.
That idea made me scream and shake, but all the while I was unable to escape.
Then the nurse called Britta came back in my room holding a syringe. She quietly lifted my hospital gown just as Know It All had and unceremoniously stuck me with the needle.
I spat at her, reasoning that she was trying to help the monsters kill me.
I lay there shrieking for a bit, watching the monsters continue to chop me apart. Now I was numb as if my mind was going to sleep. The monsters faded and my eyelids became heavy. I drifted off to sleep without even realizing it.
…………..
“Mrs. Steel?”
“Yes,” I replied, my voice low and hoarse as I blinked back tears.
“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t find your daughter anywhere on this floor. I have not looked on the other floors yet, but I asked a nurse to tell security to inform you if they have seen a young girl on her own.”
“Thankyou.”
“Is there anything further I may be able to do to help you?”
“If you could pray for Justin…”
“Certainly, Mrs. Steel. Let us pray…”
I sent my thoughts to God, begging him that I, Alice Steel would not lose her first child.
…………………
The next thing I felt, I opened my eyes groggily, looking down at an arm wrapped in gauze with the ends of a metal splint poking out from the ends. The IV in my arm was connected to a drip of a red substance- blood.
I was no longer strapped, down, but I didn’t even feel like sitting up.
I looked to my left to see the face of a male nurse, his auburn sideburns gleaming golden in the mid-afternoon light that filtered through a window.
“Who are you?” I moaned.
“Samuel. I’m your nurse. And what is your name?”
“Dante. I don’t feel very well,” I replied, trailing off as I pondered how I had ended up in a hospital bed, my arm wrapped in bandages, a sore, dull feeling permeating my aching throat, aching chest and troubled mind.
“Dante. You just had surgery. You won’t feel very well for a couple days now.”
“What did you say? Wait- I had surgery?”
“Yes. You broke your arm. It had to be fixed with surgical pins.”
“But- I didn’t… where am I?”
“You’re in the hospital. The ER.”
“The hospital…” I echoed, struggling to come up with why I was at the hospital, and how on earth had I broken an arm?
“Oh my God!”
“Is something wrong?” Samuel seemed taken aback by my exclamation.
“My brother’s dead. He’s here. He’s in the ICU. I HAVE to see him.”
“Dante, you can’t leave this room. You’re in recovery. And I’ve been informed that you attempted suicide.”
“No, you nut case. I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I wasn’t. I just had no other choice- I had to jump when those ludicrous guards tried to arrest me. That was why, I have to go see him. Please, I'll never see him again! You have to understand! Please-”
I stopped short, feeling quite out of breath. My throat stung as if someone had been bowling in my tonsils with baby carrots as pins and peas as balls. I swallowed hard, watching the vibrant red fluid seep into my arm, disappearing below the skin as it dripped through the needle.
I began to cry, letting warm tears flow down my face. I was really in trouble.
“It’s alright, hon. You did something stupid, but you’re here to get help.”
I didn’t have the strength to correct him. I might be a sobbing idiot, but I wasn’t suicidal. It was my brother who was in real danger. And he had little time left on this earth due to a grave error of a drivers' judgment.
…………….
“I think I know where your daughter is, Mrs. Steel,” said the nurse, her hands clasped at her waist.
“Where is she, Veronica?”
“The ER. Security brought in an adolescent female, who was suicidal, she’d tried to kill herself. She required surgery and she’s in the recovery unit as we speak.”
“No. That can’t be her,” I took in a deep breath. Dante wasn’t like that. She had problems, but she wasn’t suicidal…. Unless I’d missed it…
“Pardon me, Mrs. Steel, I still believe you should look into it.”
“I- I suppose I could go see what is going on,” I murmured slowly.
“I’m very sorry about all of this that has happened to you, dear. I’ll sit with Justin while you go see her.”
“Thankyou, truly, Veronica. I- I’ll be right back.”
I picked up my purse and walked out of the room. I felt my heart sink as I walked towards the elevator bank.
What if that was indeed my daughter?
……………….
Tear it apart, chop it to pieces- I beg of you.
-Vox
