The Angel's Cry

Hopefully the point got across in this one. It was another one of those impulse-poems. I'm having a lot of those lately xD

The angels cry
While I am sleeping;
Sweetly chanting,
For day to come.

“The world is ending,
It's been on fire.
Morning come,
Please end the shade.”

The night is long,
And shadows haunting;
The clouds are gray
Beneath the veil.

The world is ending,
And while we’re dreaming
We ignore the angel‘s call.

Hi angels-symphony! I'd like to review your poem.

angels-symphony wrote:Hopefully the point got across in this one. It was another one of those impulse-poems. I'm having a lot of those lately xD

The angels cry
While I am sleeping;
Sweetly chanting,
For new day to come. It should be "a new day."

“The world is ending,
It's been on fire.
Morning come, This line is too short and interrupts the flow. Perhaps try adding another word?
Please end the shade.”

The night is long,
And shadows haunting; There's something not right about this line. I think haunting is not a proper word here.
The clouds are gray
Beneath the veil.

The world is ending,
And while we’re dreaming
We ignore, the angel‘s call. Take away the comma

Overall, I thought this was fine. (Was it something based on a novel/story?) It was a simple piece, but there was a fantasy-ish, ethereal-like aura to it that I liked.

Nice work, keep it up!

(Sorry for the short review, I'm in a rush...)

angels-symphony wrote:Hopefully the point got across in this one. It was another one of those impulse-poems. I'm having a lot of those lately xD

The angels cry
While I am sleeping;
Sweetly chanting,
For new day to come. - I felt like this last stanza is a little too long. You might want to say "For day to come"

“The world is ending,
It's been on fire.
Morning come,
Please end the shade.” - I don't understand why you say shade here if the world has been on fire.

The night is long,
And shadows haunting;
The clouds are gray
Beneath the veil.

The world is ending,
And while we’re dreaming
We ignore the angel‘s call.

otherwise. Amazing poem! The words really touched me deeply and the ending was super powerful. I think it was my favorite part of this whole poem.