Why? - First ever poem

Something happened in my life and I just started saying these words.
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Tell me why
Did god made a heart
Its hurts so much
When its ripen apart
I know you know it
Because you made my heart cry
Never felt that way
But this time I was about to die
You were close to me
Then why did you do that
Maybe I did something wrong
But you have to prove that
I loved you with all my heart
But you just ripped it apart
Just tell me why
does it hurt so much
I don’t love you anymore
But still I feel like I do
Maybe I have a feeling
That you love me too

Hey there!
Good first try. Everyone has to start by making a step. This actually looks similar to my own original writing.
Very strait forward, but it's too simple. Why what you're try to say is right out there in the open, and you obviously feel what you're writing about - but it doesn't hold a lot of interest to the reader.

I'd try adding more descriptive words and longer lines. You've got the bare bones of a poem here, fill it out - it's too skinny. Fatten it up, try using sythensia in your descriptions.
I think it also contradict itself - like you're trying to convince your self. Your "hope" is not clearly and very confusingly mixed in with your doubt.

I think the best lines were the following, although the language is stuttering and unclear:

"You were close to me

Then why did you do that

Maybe I did something wrong

But you have to prove that

I loved you with all my heart

But you just ripped it apart"

Here are some tryping, grammar suggestions:

"Tell me why

Did god made a heart
Why did god make a heart?
did god make a heart?

Its hurts so much
It hurts so much

When its ripen apart
When it is ripped apart?
When its ripped apart
when ripping apart?

I know you know it

Because you made my heart cry

Never felt that way

But this time I was about to die

You were close to me

Then why did you do that

Maybe I did something wrong

But you have to prove that

I loved you with all my heart

But you just ripped it apart

Just tell me why

does it hurt so much

I don’t love you anymore

But still I feel like I do

Maybe I have a feeling

That you love me too

Please keep writing and sharing,

-Mandolin

Hey there!

First of all, I would like to thank you for taking those first baby steps towards writing great poetry! Remember that all famous writers were novices once, even Shakespeare, so why not start learning now? It's good to know you wrote this quite quickly - as you seem to say, the idea just came to you, and that sort of uninhibited stimulation is vital if you want to be successful at poetry. If the writing isn't spot on yet, at least the emotion is honest and legit, and that will really help you.

The poem seems to jump around from one idea to the next - there's no punctuation to let the reader pause and take a breather before the next emotion gets whacked at them. Start by framing your ideas with a strong, detailed narrative. That way, you'll have really chunky subject matter to get your teeth into. Poetry is actually a lot tougher than writing prose, because you have to pack lots of information into a relatively small space. I'm not saying go crazy and info dump your reader, because that will overwhelm them, but focus on important, precise details that are meaningful to the speaker and the reader. Poke around, ask questions: what exactly could the speaker have done wrong? Why are they contradicting themselves when they say they love the other person but they know they don't? How did the relationship get to this stage? And so on and so forth.

Now we'll assume you've figured out exactly what you want the reader to get out of the poem, what your message is. You need to express that message as directly and as concisely as you can. Use images to kick-start the reader's imagination: one particularly effective form of imagery is synaethesia, as the above reviewer points out. That is, the mixture of different senses: 'the day-glo rampage of disco sounds,' for example, which mixes sight and sound. Splash some colour in: burgundy red cars, velvet sheets, that kind of thing. Most importantly, be as precise as you can without info dumping - we want a kind of "vague precision." Don't say a toy, say a teddy bear. Even better, give it a colour - a ginger teddy bear.

Hope this goes some way towards helping you write better poetry! A poet is an artist of language, and every artist learns from his masters. In other words (and this is possibly the best piece of advice I could give you), read lots and lots of poetry! Explore the different styles, types and sounds. Explode your imagination!

Best wishes and keep writing,

Gahks

P.S. If you want me to look at any more of your stuff, feel free to PM me!