closed for editing

closed for editing

... I really don't know what to say

If I took this seriously, then I would take it apart and change around veerything so its reads as a solemn, earnest narrative. But then I don't think you mean it to be serious. The piece is a huge long, twisted ramble that makes sense and baffles me all at once. Is it weird that the entire time I was reading, I was hearing the Joker's voice in my head? That should be taken into account for throwing me off, as well.

Honestly, I don't think I can say anything constructive until I see the continuation for this. The tenor and the plot/setting/MC will help me to conclude how this is as a beginning. I will say this, though: Be careful. Too much rambling will eventually bore a reader, or frusterate them.

I do have one nitpick. Pathetic, I know, but I don't like leaving comments that I feel are no help to anyone. So here it is:

Misery is a strange thing. It’s numbness, but pain, all at once. It’s a terrible, dreadful feeling, but it’s the only thing that puts happiness into context.

Misery is so much more than a "thing". Judging from what else I've read, I know you can do better than this. Also, I don't like the two words so close to each other, especially in the beginning.

Yeah. That's... it. Sorry. Well, keep writing. PM me if or when you post more.

KJ

I find the beginning of this story intresting, it reminds of "A Series of Unfortunate Events" By Lemony Snicket. I like the Narrative in this story. Is the Narrator the main character? If so What made him this way? To have such a dismal outlook on life. PM if you want me to review more i would be honored .

I loved this! It has a dark humor that reminds me also of Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events. It is similar to Clive Barker's Mister B. Gone, too. (You'll hear about Clive Barker a lot from me!) The narration makes me wonder who this person is; is it the main character, Misery, or is Misery the main character? I like when I have to wonder. Not in the 'I wonder what the heck the author is trying to say' sense, but in a 'I wonder where the author is leading me now' kind of way. I love it when books have a character like this one, depressingly sarcastic, dreary, and funny all at once. If you read the book You Don't Know Me by David Klass, you would understand.

P.S. I think this is better by a mile than your first chapter, and I don't see how they remotely go together. I don't mean that in a mean way, it's just that they are completely different. I like this as a setting for a book, but they don't seem to mesh well. :/

EDIT: Sorry, forgot to add that I love the title. It's what captured my attention in the first place. Please PM me when you add to this story.

Hello,

I'm Maggie! It's nice to meet you! It looks like you're new to the site, so I'll just point out that in general the mods like us to keep to a 2:1 ratio. Meaning for every piece of work you submit, you review two pieces. I'm not sure if you've already heard this from someone else, but it's just something to keep in mind!

I'm assuming you're interested in fantasy fiction (for the obvious reasons). Are there any other genres you enjoy specifically?

Anyway, on to your piece...

You may think this is a terrible way to start narrating this interesting story,

This might just be that I am automatically a weensy bit irked any time a narrator speaks to me, but this whole beginning was just...irritating. I automatically was like...interesting? Pshhht! Even though you've hardly begun.

I don’t know about you, but I find such displays of glee best remedied with a quick bullet through the temple.

*Snickers and agrees*

Misery. It also, as they say, loves company. Unless, of course, said misery is going to a place where no sane person would wish even their greatest enemy to go. Then, personally speaking, if I were misery, I would tell the others to steer clear. So I guess this means that misery loves company—but only in the right situations.

Whoah. *head spins* That...is quite a convoluted couple sentences. I'm guessing that was what you were going for though. It reminded me of Captain Jack Sparrow and his roundabout way of speaking. Anyway, my point is that something like this is silly and effective, but only sparingly. I can foresee an immensely confusing piece based entirely in circular reasoning if you’re not careful, aye, matie?

And to some people, misery is more than just bad news.

You might want to establish before this that misery is often just bad news. This seems very unrelated.

Cannibalism, among other wonderful things that would make your skin crawl.

Awww, that was such a promising beginning to a sentence…and then you revert back to an age old phrase. *Cries* You can do better!

Still reading? Oh good. You know, I like you. I think I’ll start the story now, just for you. I was getting tired of this prologue, anyway.

Kinda cute, but kinda unnecessary. I’d chuck it. Maybe to make the paragraph before this one seem more like an ending you could say, “And that wouldn’t do…unless you would like to share the room with me. Or something which doesn’t seem like it’s leading elsewhere.


Overall: I like your narrator. He seems witty and interesting, and I like his manner of speaking. But (because there’s allllways a but) be careful. If you use that sort of extravagant way of talking all the time it would get irritating. Otherwise, very good. Nicely done.

-Maggie