Scribbles in Concrete

Mistakes in time like
Scribbles in concrete
Careless sweeps and
Scuffed footprints.

Memories are more than
Names written on
Dust-covered table tops,
But like etchings on wood
In permanent marker.

Hands can sweep the
Dust away, remove
The writing so it’s never
The same
But the dust is simply
Moved to another place
Like a suppressed memory
Never truly erased.

I traced our lives out
In wet concrete
Many years ago
But then I covered it
with a sheet
I peel back every once in a while
Remembering his face and every
Memory etched within it,
Now sewn into mine.
To remember history
Is to never repeat it.

Yay! A new poem by Matt! I love your poetry!

This begins well. I'd add some sort of punctuation after "concrete." I love;
"Scuffed footprints." It's a great image.

I like "more than

Names written on

Dust-covered table tops."

But I'm not sure about "Memories are". I'm not sure why...I think it sounds a little cutesy to me, but I can't say why. I think it could be stronger. I'd cut the comma and "But", and replace them with a hyphen. I'm not sure about "etchings...in permanent marker", as etching in marker wouldn't really work, so the image is strange.

I like
"Hands can sweep the

Dust away, remove

The writing so it’s never

The same"

but I think that the next four lines are too much telling and not enough showing.

I think that the last stanza is by far the strongest part of the poem. I think it would work well as a poem in its own right, with the last two lines isolated as their own little couplet. Your imagery is much stronger here than in the rest of the poem.

Hope this helps.

Jas

this is lovely...

Writing and history- markings have been preoccupying me lately, this reminds me a little of my newest poem, except less self-indulgent! oh well. xD


my favourite line is:

Remembering his face and every

Memory etched within it,

Now sewn into mine.


<3