May i take your order?

There are some real nutcases out there these days. Not that I can blame them for going crazy when all of this started. I confess I am a little crazy myself, but the real crazy people are the ones who think they are zombies because of someone else who bit them thinking they were one too and then there are the other people dressed like clowns or in hockey masks that slaughter anything. I’ve seen all of them, but one was a little crazier than the rest. This is the story of our encounter.
At first, a few survivors and I were walking around looking for food until we stumbled onto a taco bell. The lights were on inside which was amazing since all the power plants and everything got abandoned due to the brainless zombies everywhere. Yet there were no zombies around it. There didn’t seem to be many at all in the area. That seemed like a good thing at first. So we figured we ought a investigate it.
As we pushed through the doors a bell rang, there was music playing on the speakers. Everything looked fine and clean inside besides from the windows being boarded up, but everything else looked as if nothing had happened at all in the outside worlds. We walked around cautiously. There didn’t seem to be anyone around. As we got to the front counter a guy popped out of nowhere from behind the counter, we all pointed our guns at him. He just stood there and asked,” May I take your order?” We just looked at each other and lowered their guns a little. Then he continued,” I recommend the taco since it’s the only thing we have now.” Someone else by the name of bob in our group walked up to him and answered,” Yah sure I could use a few tacos right now.”
Something seemed wrong about this guy. He just stood there like everything was fine with this big creepy smile on his face. He had this huge pair of goofy sunglasses hanging from his pocket. The man pulled out two tacos and handed it to bob.
Bob took a big bite in the taco and his eyes went wide. “Oh my god! This is the best taco ever!”
The guy said,” Well, how about you come on back and ill show you how we make it.” He said guiding bob to the back.
We all just stood there and watched them go into the back.
Ten minutes later he came back out. He looked a little sweaty but had his creepy smile on still having that weird surrounding about him.
“He’s still having a look back there.” He put his arms onto the counter and I spotted a whole bunch of red stains on his sleeves.
“Hey where’d those stains come from?”
He just turned his head to the side and said “what stains.”
Everyone turned to each other and turned towards him aiming their guns,” where’s bob?”
“He’s just checking the meat.”
I didn’t believe him at all. I started heading towards the back of the place. HE stepped in my way saying,” Don’t go back there.” I just pushed right on by him and opened the door into the meat locker. Bob was laying there in a pool of blood. I looked all around and seen body parts everywhere and a meat grinder. I just spun around to aim the gun at the man, but he was already there and brought me down onto the ground trying to stab me with a meat cleaver.
The mans strength was great. Probably due to him having a nice meal often.
They wrestled on the ground. The man closing in on me with his cleaver. It started piercing my shirt when a shot rang out, the mans body going limp. I pushed him off and seen the other man in my group standing their with his rifle smoking.
He helped me up and I thanked him.
“Man am I hungry.” He said
“Yah I know.” I replied
“Hey, you know there’s all this meat here and this guy got by on it… maybe we should just eat it so it doesn’t go to waste.”
“Sure”
We both grabbed some of the grinded meat and started cooking it. Then put it in some taco shells and ate away. The tacos were great. I know it was wrong in many ways to be eating it, but like I said we all have went crazy due to the zombies.

(Fix that atrocious spelling error in the title. =P )

Hey! Nice to meet you. I'm Blink. ^^ Feel free to introduce yourself in the welcome forum. We don't bit. Not all of us, anyway.

There are some real nutcases out there these days. Not that I can blame them for going crazy when all of this started. I confess I am a little crazy myself, but the real crazy people are the ones who think they are zombies because of someone else who bit them thinking they were one too and then there are the other people dressed like clowns or in hockey masks that slaughter anything. I’ve seen all of them, but one was a little crazier than the rest. This is the story of our encounter.

This was a fantastic opening. The first sentence grabbed me right away, and the rest of the paragraph is so real, so cynical, and yet so character developing too--we can tell this character is a little mad.

However, I think that the opening is spoiled by that last line. It's so much more mysterious to leave it independent, and we'll work out how it connects with the story later on; otherwise, it's just another "In this story I will show you..." and frankly, just getting on with it is best. So Don't make us think that.

The lights were on inside which was amazing since all the power plants and everything got abandoned due to the brainless zombies everywhere.

INFO DUMP. Right there. I don't mind lack of commas providing the flow is still readable, but you've got too many separate clauses and not enough punctuation. Pick out the essential details: lights are on, which is a surprise as there's no electricity, and he's cautious because of it. Put that in a prosey way and off you go! Just don't overcrowd us. =)

by the name of bob

Have that "Bob" capitalised. Tis a proper noun, eh?

As we got to the front counter a guy popped out of nowhere from behind the counter, we all pointed our guns at him.

A few things. Firstly, that comma should be a semicolon. You've done this a couple of times, but if the parts either side of the comma could work as independent sentences, you need a connective or a semicolon, yah? Next, I dislike the repetition of "counter" and this is all very sudden, anyway. I mean, even if you're trying to be satirical, you'll need the descriptions and the pace set before you move the story ahead. What about a bit of mystery? Suspense? These are all great for keeping the attention of the reader you hooked on line one.

We just looked at each other and lowered their guns a little.

We lowered their guns?

Then he continued,” I recommend the taco since it’s the only thing we have now.” Someone else by the name of bob in our group walked up to him and answered,” Yah sure I could use a few tacos right now.”

Remember: new speaker, new line.

The last line made me laugh, but I don't know whether that was a good laugh or not. It felt to me like you were trying to be serious, then humorous, and neither really blended. I didn't do grammar later on in the story as there were just too many errors; dialogue mistakes, person changes, missing commas and missing apostrophes. I won't name them specifically, but work on your grammar and you can edit them yourself.

One of the biggest problems was the character development; it could have gone further from the start but it didn't. It went static. I'm actually wondering whether this was a sincere addition to your portfolio, but there we go. Anyhow, like I said, character development: since this is written from first person, and past tense, you really need to make him seem insane. Throw in random and yet effective similes, vary sentence lengths and make the main character paranoid. Otherwise nothing here is believable. Telling us random stuff won't get you anywhere, I'm afraid; it's as if you're trying to justify the piece by throwing in the fact that he's insane. Yeh. On the insane simplicity front, it actually would have worked - were it intentional. I like your style, actually.

On other hand, dialogue was wooden and descriptions lacked like nothing else. These are essential for character development. The former can tell us what your main character makes of others, how he responds to his fellow characters - that type of thing. Descriptions can tell us how the character perceives things in his mind, through his viewpoint. Again, funny and strange forms of imagery work best here.

I hope I've helped! PM me if you have any questions.

Best
Blinky