Because - Chap. 28

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Wow! FINALLY!!!!!! I've been waiting so long for this novel to continue. I thought this was absolutely perfect, especially the way the plot's going. Great job. Thanks for posting this.

Hey KJ!

I thought I'd get these two reviews over with before I hid over to look at The Experiment! I'm so happy to read more of this!

Alright, 'nough rambling. Off to read!

When my brother left, my mind had instantly gone to the one place James used to be unable to find me when we’d once played hide-and-seek as children.

I'd reword this. Try: When my brother left, my mind had instantly gone to the one place he used to be unable to find me when we played hide-and-seek as children.

Without another thought, I’d run up the stairs.

I'd nix this sentence.

Now, hidden deep within my haven, I hugged my knees tight to my chest, pressed in a corner. Silence surrounded me, ringing in my ears and heightening my terror.

You could fuse these two sentences together. Nix the underlined bit and that could be one good sentence.

Whoa! KJ this was great! Don't give up on this, I still believe that this has potential to be published.

Great job,

~Angel

*gold star*