Human, or Something like it

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Tourniquets strapping solar systems of vein
like constellations to the shit black of gallow arms.
A whisper of an alm passed in starlight, by starlight,
through starlight. Bled clean at last.

Let sour in saucers, venom-tanks,
bird bathes of grape juice, vinelike incisions
chasing the bones to the floor.
Animals collect them, neath the rain
of our intoxication. The bartender makes
a joke, about swine.

I’m here again, it’s nine.
An enthusiastic hangman welcomes me home
where a trigger happy Judas climbs into my bed
and with him I watch the limelight tantrum
turn to a fever -
we can all catch
little pieces of junk strap
if only we open our hearts to the sky,
vertical.


Moderator: Edited for rating.
You know how dumb the average guy is, right? Well, mathematically, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that.
JR ‘Bob’ Dobbs

TW's Red Cross Blue Shield. A CRITIQUE FOR EVERY YWSIAN!




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hey hypocrit, dogs here

I like this poem but i don't understand at all what you are telling us. the entire second stanza i don't get at all. what do you mean when you say "the bartender makes a joke about swine". do you mean swine flu??? and this is really really random. and what do you mean when you say "bird bathes of grape juice and vine like incesions." what is the significance of this???

The grammar is fine and i really like the first stanza, but on the third stanza when you say "i am here again its nine, an enthusiastic hangman welcomes me home" ??????????????????????????????????? what?????????? this dosn't make any since to me. was is the hangman enthusiastic?????? why is it a hangman in general. and what is the point of that first line. "i am here again it's nine." huh???? what is important about this line.

This work is good, but it still needs A LOT more work. do keep it up. =D







TuckEr EllsworTh
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...Enthusiastic hangman in my bed, Judas, the kiss. SEX! It's about sex. That part.

Vinelike incisions chase the bones to the floor. Gutted. Bathes of grapejuice. Gutted. We gut everything.

Swine. Us. Gut swine. Kill swine. EAt swine. Chase their bones to bed. Sex. Swine. Death. Society. Blah.

What part of this did you get, just out of curiosity? The last line? The beginning doesn't make sense without most of hte rest, assuming it makes sense, which it may not. Junk strap. Did you catch that?

Vertical, incision, sex, drugs, ect...

SHARP WORDS in Maudlin context. We are so trivial... truly Watson, heart felt and aching.
You know how dumb the average guy is, right? Well, mathematically, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that.
JR ‘Bob’ Dobbs

TW's Red Cross Blue Shield. A CRITIQUE FOR EVERY YWSIAN!




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Are you sure?

I didn't read the Judas part like that at all. The bible doesn't explicitly state a sexual relationship between Jesus and Judas and, although Judas does kiss Jesus, it's a kiss of betrayal and it has no affection. So I read that as a traitorous kiss with no affection. I also read trigger happy as willing to kill and with no sexual overtones. If you want to make it sexual, you have to try a lot harder than that.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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I have to say i didn't quite understand the poem, perhaps i havn't got quite the imagination that i thought. :D
Although some of the imagary conjured was quite strong, most of the alliteration seemed forced and unnecessary, and if the poem was trying to tell a story i didn't get it at all.
Not to say, however, that this was a bad poem. Poetry is about expressing yourself however you see fit. Something that makes total sence to you, may seem like gibberish to someone else.




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Oh this is cool!

venom-tanks... that is the most powerful imagery! Love it.

the starlight stuff is really evocative too, i like it.

i agree with Snoink though, I don't think the Judas part quite fits properly...

That said I still found this really engaging! (=
Is this bass REALLY strong enough?



Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
— Winston Churchill