The soul is eternal

Two lovers
Hearts burning,
Ever dancing

Snake-like bodies
On they dance
Until the night
Leaves their wings

Isolating a certain princess
Singing in her tower

Entirely too graceful to dance,
The girls and I watch
Each in her own thoughts
Reaching with our soul prayers
Not thinking of the others
And wait until our Prince
Lovingly takes us in dance

FLyerS wrote:Two lovers
Hearts burning,
Ever dancing

You'll need to correct the punctuation here. I'd put a dash in the end of the first verse. And also the same in the second stanza.

FLyerS wrote:Until the night
Leaves their wings

I didn't understand this. It's quite complicated. I'm stupid

FLyerS wrote:Isolating a certain princess
Singing in her tower

This stanza absolutely doesn't fit. It has only two verses in which you don't have anything important to say. Also! The stanzas are very different. First stanza is tercet, then the second is quatrain, and the third is couplet. The fourth one-I didn't even count, but it's obviously too long. I suggest you write in the stanzas with same amount of verses because it's too many of everything this way.

FLyerS wrote:Entirely too graceful to dance,
The girls and I watch
Each in her own thoughts
Reaching with our soul prayers
Not thinking of the others
And wait until our Prince
Lovingly takes us [s]in[/s] dance.

TO dance, not in dance, but nevermind, it's okay for me. It sounds better with in, but it's gramatically incorrect.

All in all, I'm dissapointed. Not because of the poem, but I expected something like first stanza through the whole poem. Your message that you tried to present us didn't get much of accommodation. You'll need to be more "in medias res". Don't get me wrong, the poem it's okay, but it's just okay.

ehhh.. dancing is ehhh physical excertion.. something people don't comply with this day and age... maybe on a videogame i'll dance... but in reallife ? i doubt it... unless i had my inhaler... and i was alone.. or with people i can trust not to laugh... haha...

a lot of guys are nevous to dance i think... idk,.. perhaps you might want to ask one of them ? rather than waiting for them ?

haha.. i rather give advice that an critque.. or something like that...haha

and of this poem ....i didn't really like it...sorry...

darko.demark666, Well, This poem doesn't really follow a line formula. It doesn't really follow a rhyme formula. the only formula is, two words in the first bit, three in the second bit, four, and so on. Also the number of lines has to do with the number of letters in the words down the side.

Oh, and silented 1, It's a metaphor. You do know what that is, right?

Sorry if I'm being defensive or offensive. I just really liked that poem.

hey dogs here,

I really really really really like this poem and i think that it is overall great. it flows nicely.

All of the grammar errors have already been addressed. and ignore silented. your poem sounds great.

My only thing to say is that to MAKE IT LONGER. i believe it would sound a lot better if you added on like one more stanza.

I truely enjoyed reading this and you should defnitly keep up the good work. wow this is my first narrative review =D








TuckEr EllsworTh

Is this a free-verse? If so, it's the best I've read. A nice story being told and exactly the kind of poetry I enjoy reading.