Luna 1

Very very very powerful. Description was brilliant. I cant really add any more to the review than what the others have written-so i wont!!!!!

Keep it up!!

Pure D Genius

Loved it, you had me at her


But i was a little confused about the Three Days Grace thing you threw me for a loop there


I think you should also use those awesome descriptions the Writing Gods blessed you with tell us a little bit more about the hospital is it dark and gloomy or warm and welcoming


Also at the beginning could you tell us something that leads us up to her waiting on her mother like simply mentioning she's waiting on someone or that she couldn't wait any longer till this certain someone came then Finally


I loved how you made the mother look loving and caring then all of a sudden she turns into this wicked violent women just marvelous

I so agree with Jassie your descriptions are so well MARVELOUS

I mean i could see that women holding those children as if I was having the dream myself

and I gasped when you made her hair into an obstacle giving her whelps A-MAZING

I can't wait to read more

Keep Writing and Stay Marvelous

Hi,
This was really good!

“Pain without love.” Three Days Grace

This part confused me.

wiped off the dirt from the road

This part makes it sound like she wiped dirt off of the road. You should try rephrasing it.

like any mothers' hugs should be it felt cold and hard; a brick wall.

I would put 'like any mothers' hug should be'.

I shrieked when I shot up in bed a thin layer of sweat covering my body.

You need to add a comma. Also I would change it a bit;
'I shrieked as I shot up in bed, a thin layer of sweat covering my body.'

Overall, I think it needs a bit more character depth. I feel nothing towards your characters. Also a little more detail wouldn't hurt.

Other than that I think it's good. Keep working on it!

Feel free to PM me with any questions:)

~Tayla