Tick Tock

The end is near
I hear it now,
like a clock
Tick Tock

All the time,
on this earth spent,
for nothing at all.
Tick Tock

So here is the end
drawing near,
and then you hear
Tick Tock

Life is just like a never ending clock
that always goes
Tick Tock.

Hi Flower!

So, one of the main things about this poem that slightly throws it off is the repetition of tick tock. I understand that's for stylistic effect, but seeing that there's no major information to cushion it in between, the repetition sounds kind of close and doesn't come off as exciting.

At the end, you mention that life is a never ending clock; however, this should be a message that is implied in the previous stanzas, dear. I can see how this could connect, but I do not see any real connection between the first stanzas and the final one, so! I think you should modify this a little bit to better suit?

Hope that helped some? PM me if you need anything, and I'm really sorry for not getting back to you on your other poem sooner.

June

Hey, Flower, it's Selin here!

Your choice about theme is absolutely great. Time and how fast it passes. I liked your repetitions, "tick tock"s, as they ease to catch the ryhthm for the readers. But actually, I couldn't find a strong connection between your verses, maybe it's because in every part you talk about different descriptions of how time goes away but then you could add a few verses more? That's just my opinion and as I said, I loved what you've talked about in your poem.

Keep going that way, it was fun for me to read your piece of work:)
Bye for now,
Selin

i don't know what i liked and disliked about this...the tick tock repetition annoyed the hell out of me...sorry.. i guess... it seemed usless at parts... where it didn't connect to the stanza.. mainly in the second stanza.....ehh..i'd like to know what time was wasted ? or is all time wasted ? like saying everything is pointless ? ehh i'm sorry i suck at this..

silented...

Thank you for all the reviews, I really appreciate it. Anyway I don't know what lines would look better in it. I could give a story or something. I can see where the tick tock didn't line up in the second stanza. Anyway if you have any ideas of how to fix it pm me and let me know.

The choice of your subject for this poem was really nice.Here are a few things that might help you a little more:

You need not use the words tick tock repeatedly.The way the other stanzas flow already produce that effect.

Try something different in the third stanza because it is quite similar to the first stanza.

List some more situations in your poem where again the ticking clock makes them worthless.It will strengthen the effect of the poem.

The thought of death making everything worth lived for useless,was brought out very well.

Your choice of words was nice and simple and the idea of the poem had great clarity.
That is what keeps this poem ticking.

Keep such good work coming.