I really like this. It is very interesting. You need to work on paragraphs a bit more though. You write a few sentences per paragraph. I do that too. The thing that is wrong with that is that you start something then you finish in a different paragraph. It looks odd to the eye.
Other then that it looks really good. No typo's or any grammatic mistakes as far as I can tell.
Wow. I'm impressed. Very, very nice description. Very, very nice everything. I do, however, have one commment to make:
In fact, I look at them like they’re the luckiest people in the world. They have friends. They believe.
Are you trying to say these people think they have friends, or they have friends because they believe? Other than that, this story is wonderful. If you write more, PM me. -JK
This story was...amazing! I agree with Evi (hi, Evi!) with you abruptly changing the subject to music. My suggestion is maybe say something like this: It reminded me of the memories I had with my sister. I remembered the time she asked me what music would look like if you could see it. Something like that, but that's just a mere suggestion. I didn't catch in gramatical errors, even though my brains half asleep. I love the ending, but I feel that this story isn't done yet, like there' more behind it. That there should be more. Your characters seem kind of...real in a way, especially the older sister. Plus, the names are unique, which I like. I hope this review helped and please post another part to this, if there is one. -AlphaGirl
Sometimes two people fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.