Authors Note
This is my first story I am writing and have got a bit of a mental block going on and thinking about deleting the whole story would like some reviews on it just to see if it is worthwhile continuing the story I have included chapter 1 and the start of chapter 2. I just want to point out its a rough draft and the grammar & punctuation is probably wrong sorry but that will come later just need to know if this story is worthwhile pursuing. Any help will be much appreciated
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Chapter 1
“Get the fuck out and never come back you dirty little bastard” yelled my dad as he flung me out onto the street, my bags soon followed and smacked me on the head. Wonderful I thought no house, no job and no family what am I going to do now I wondered. How did all his happen? I can’t believe this is happening. I picked up my bags and just walked, I didn’t know where I was going to go yet. It was pitch black & the street lights hadn’t worked for weeks and as it was 1am everyone was asleep so no lights were on in their houses. I came across the old park and I was so upset I had to sit down and just think things over.
The week before
“Mum, Dad I have something to tell you, this is hard for me and I don’t know what way your going to take it but if I don’t tell you then I would be lying to you like I have been lying to myself” I paused as I started to cry, I could see my parents looking worried “what’s up son” my mum asked you can tell us anything we love you. “I’m not like normal boys, I like normal boys” “I don’t understand what you mean son” my father replied “I’m …. Gay” then an awkward silence fell and no one said another word as I could see both of them trying to process this massive secret. My mum stood up and I thought she was going to give me a hug as I was upset and the tears were streaming down my face at this point, but this was the last thing I expected to happen, she slapped me and said “You disgust me, you filthy little boy.” As she walked away I felt something hit the back of my head, I touched the back of my head to see what it was when I noticed she had spat on me. I fell to ground and couldn’t believe what had just happened, I tried to stop the tears but I couldn’t. I looked up and noticed my dad hadn’t moved “d-d-dad please” He just stared at my, eyes full of disappointment and said “You aren’t my son, your dead to me now” as he finished he turned his back and walked away.
As I sat in the darkness and thought back, I couldn’t believe how they reacted I knew they weren’t going to take it easily but I never thought my own mother and father would kick me out and treat me like this.
I ran up to my room and lay on my bed burying my head into the pillow and couldn’t help but cry, as I started to calm down I heard shouting so I opened my door ever so slightly so I could hear what they were talking about, maybe one of them had gotten over it and was on my side now, a glimmer of chance.
“He can’t be gay, he has Lauren she’s a beautiful smart and funny girl how could any boy pass her up, and he has to be lying this must be some sort of weird joke” I heard my mum say to which my dad replied “he isn’t lying you seen the look on his face when he told us, Jane what are we going to do, were going to be the embarrassment of the town when this comes out, that little queer is going to ruin my reputation”
After I heard this I went downstairs to confront them “is that what you care about your reputation, I am your son you should love me unconditionally that’s what parents do, I never asked to be like this it just happened I can’t control it like you can’t help being bald it isn’t a choice” to which my father just turned up his nose and walked away but not before saying “your repulse me, just looking at your face makes me feel like I’m going to be sick you poof” I walked over to my mum who was crying and said “Mum this isn’t going to change anything I’m not going to change I love you please tell me everything is going to be ok, I need you to tell me that please” I was begging now. “How is Lauren going to take this?” is all she could say “Lauren already knew mum she pretended to be my girlfriend so you and dad wouldn’t suspect I was gay, please mum I’m begging you, tell me everything is going to be ok and you love me.” “I wish I could but I can’t, this changes everything I can’t be around you, you just make me so angry now.” I went up stairs as I couldn’t face the abusive comments towards me anymore, what kept me strong that night was the hope that something miraculous would happen and I would wake up the next day and walk downstairs into open arms with my parents apologising telling me they loved me, however this did not happen not even close.
The Day After The Revelation
When I woke up there was no sound at all it was like I had went deaf during the night, no birds singing their early morning songs, no sound from the television downstairs which is usually blaring by now, not even a sound from the wind. What is going on? I wondered. As I walked down stairs I seen my mum and dad sitting at the table I went to speak to them but nothing came out, I walked further into the dining room and I was already there. I was so confused by this I didn’t have a clue what was going on and then of a sudden I see my mum throw her glass of orange juice over me and storming out followed by my father. The other version of me just sat there taking it, how depressed I look was unbelievable it was like someone had taking my soul out and kicked about the room.
I woke up, it was just a dream I got out of my bed and done something I have never done before, I kneeled down and prayed
“Please God, I don’t even know if you exist but if you do please help me get through this and help my mum and dad to learn to accept me for who I am, I can’t go through another night like last night, God if your real you’ll it least try for me please am begging you”
I got dressed and went downstairs I couldn’t face going to school so I stayed off, I found a note on the breakfast table “We are away out bender, we haven’t left you anything to eat if you want something then you will have to go to the shop and buy it yourself, I don’t know when we will be back could be late could be tomorrow bye” I was so disheartened by that letter they usually make me my breakfast pancakes and toast & leave my lunch out with a note saying they loved me, not now.
“I have broken 2 bones & had my tonsils out in my 17 years of life but nothing compared to the pain I felt that day. It was like someone had ripped my heart out and when it was still beating & attached to my body started to jump all over it. For that was the day I realised my mum and dad were never going to accept me and that it was going to go on forever.”
I ran up to my room feeling more numb than I did the night before, the pain I felt was indescribable and all I wanted was it to stop. I went into the toilet and broken the razor shut my eyes and took the blade across my arm hoping to ease the pain. As I lay on the floor and watch the blood drip of my arm and onto the floor I knew this wasn’t going to make me feel any better in the long run but for now it eased the pain I have in my heart. Everything started to go blurry and disorientated, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I was so tired I thought just shut your eyes and go to sleep no one can hurt you when your asleep, you’ll be happier once you’ve gone and that’s what I done I closed my eyes and stopped fighting the tiredness, I just gave into it.
As I lay their on the bathroom floor drenched in the blood from my arms, I thought I heard a banging at the door but then I thought who would come save me, all I have down is cause heartache and misery to ones I love, no one will save me. Someone did though when I woke up on the couch with bandages round my arms but I called to see who was there but no one answered. Was this another dream of mine? Was I dead?
Chapter 2
I still don’t know to this day who had saved me that day, as I sat in the park cold I wondered what I was going to do now? This was a new chapter in my life, a new start, I could be anyone I wanted and do anything I wanted and maybe this was the chance I needed. “Hello? What you doing sitting yourself in the freezing cold?” a man asked as he approached me. I replied by telling him what happened over the last week and how tonight when my dad flung me out he seen me drinking out of the milk carton and he thought he was going to get AIDS and told me I was a dirty little bastard and should keep my disease’s to myself. The man told me he was sorry and introduced himself as Liam, I told him my names Matthew but you can call me Matt.
