Simplicity

My whole goal with this song was to write it was as few words as possible. A lot of my favorite songs do this, they have like twenty lines but are just really awesome, (True love will find you in the end by Beck), as just one example.
Boy's POV

Note: ... = hold out note, and ( ) = echo
________________________
Hypocrisy
Lying, betraying
Idiocy

Smart Alec
Show me
Smart Alec
Say something smart
If your so smart
Why am I always
Doing your part?

Show me how to live (x4)

If you’re so smart

Show me how to live

Hypocrisy
Lying, betraying
Idiocy

You’re not my girlfriend
Go run away crying
Cause I’m not your boyfriend
And I’m sick of singing
For you
It’s your turn

Yeah…
(Yeah…)
Sing to me
(Sing to me) (x7)

Show me…. (rep.)
(Hypocrisy
Lying, betraying
Idiocy)

I totally understand where you are coming from with this. I understand what songs you listen to, but I haven't heard many for I find them quite rare and unusual, so this is a nice change.
With this I like many factors

Hypocrisy Lying, betraying Idiocy

I especially like all this, but however, the whole thing needs a little ajustment, for someowrds need to be switched around. It isn't essential, thats why I am not being specific, but it would make the whole thing a lot, lot better.

But, it will still sound good if it is kept as it is.

Overall, it is a very nice piece, but for some non poets, the language might be to hard, so it doubtful, that you will get many comments

Hope I helped
all the best

Hello,

One last lyric.

Hypocrisy
Lying, betraying
Idiocy

Okay, interesting lead in...

Say something smart
If your so smart

Repetition of "smart" gets a little irksome.

If you’re so smart

Show me how to live

I like where you're going with this.

You’re not my girlfriend
Go run away crying
Cause I’m not your boyfriend

Sounds kind of unnatural. It doesn't seem like someone would really say that. Or at least not like that.


Alright, so, like you said, this one doesn't have a lot of words, but ironically I think it's your best one. In your others you have a slightly convoluted stories or ideas that you want to get across, but in this one it's fairly straight forward and I think it makes it alot more enjoyable for the reader/listener. Maybe you could try a couple more songs in this style.

Overall,

I liked reading your work! I'm sorry if I wasn't helpful...hopefully I was though. If you need any longer works to be reviewed I'll be happy to do so, though, unless you really need another review, I'd prefer not to do more lyrics...they're really difficult for me to judge. I have a hard time hearing how it's supposed to sound so I feel like my comments are really just guesses. Thanks for coming to me!

-Maggie

Hi Carly (again)! This is the third review, so I have two more to go.

I won't do this one, as I did with the others, because basically you just threw some words in, and it's something on which I can't comment that much.

Let's take a look.

Hypocrisy
Lying, betraying
Idiocy

Smart Alec
Show me
Smart Alec
Say something smart
If your so smart
Why am I always
Doing your part?

Show me how to live (x4)

I can't get anything out of this. Maybe it's just me, but in the first part you just tell me, not make me feel it. Lyrics are at their best when you can make the person that's hearing want to sing along, due to the fact that they can relate so much and want to sing it so badly. I always do that. When I have a music and lyrics I love and can relate to, I cna't help but sing along. Right here, I can't get anything out of this. You mention some Alec. Who's Alec? He's smart, but what's your relationship with him? And you make a question. Which I can't answer, since I don't know who Alec is. The last line confuses me. I can't relate it to any of the above.

You’re not my girlfriend
Go run away crying
Cause I’m not your boyfriend
And I’m sick of singing
For you
It’s your turn

Yeah…
(Yeah…)
Sing to me
(Sing to me) (x7)

Show me…. (rep.)
(Hypocrisy
Lying, betraying
Idiocy)

Uhhhh, it's getting more interesting! He sang to her? As in an act of passion? Was that why she liked him? O.o Now I'm caught up! It's a good thing; but if you only make it interesting almost at the end, I wouldn't have known, since I would have stopped listening to music at the very beginning.
I don't understand the last bit.

Overall, I kindda liked it; it was okay.
*Kat*
*moving to the rest of the reviews --'*