Let it end tonight- reviews please

She sits silently in her room
The sounds a mumbling haze
The sights a blurry whirlwind
The cold apathy trying to protect her
Like a suit of armour of the mind
Built of all the things she used to feel
Pain, Frustration, Struggle
The things she convinced herself she has defeated
With her suit of armour
But the coolness she now feels
The cold hallowness that now exists
Is Anguish in disguise
The ultimate suffering
She is being eaten alive
By the offspring of agony
Her inner demons now taking control
Whispering inside her ear
Convincing her that she can end the war
A crimson waterfall
Is the sight of betrayal
Her soul mourns in darkness
The last of her sanity warning her
To stop at once
She is torn apart
Let it end tonight

Eh, i know its suckish, but is only 1:35 AM here, so im kinda incoherent right now

It is good but.... it seems dark. It really didn't give me a good feeling after i read it. If you are going

to write about pain then show there is hope at the end because that is the best thing you

can do! Unless you want to show hopelessness and darkness. PM me and tell me what you

want people to feel when they read this! It does sound good and rhymes nicely though! Good job!



thanks for sharing!



God bless
















"They can because they think they can."

I know this sounds kind of melodramatic. But in my poetry, I like to exaggerate - BIG TIME

Hey, it's great. I really like it. i think that you really transmited the feeling. great, bit dark, though.