slippery roots, wood spongy and pelted with moss, teaparty
I misread pelted the first time as the verb rather than the adjective, which led, let me tell you, to quite an odd mental picture. Maybe 'furred', the less unusual choice? Or 'with its pelt of moss'? I dunno.
of wildflowers on the ridge, wrinkled like noses and the little
choir of mistdroplets.
This, I love.
waterfall draped down, like hair tucked behind an ear,
and the forest deepens.
I want just a little more information -- 'and behind it the forest deepens', or some other more explicit connection.
you walk the backs of the logs, arms spread, teetering,
hands ruddering.
Again: <3
behind the waterfall, the world is a blue cowl, dark bell of spray
Never seen a blue waterfall. White, yes. Red, on one memorable occasion. The light refracted through it is blue, often. But the fall itself?
and we can read the names of past lovers, initials etched into the sandstone
the crude, empty hearts, fashioned like unearthed artifacts
from primitive times. your hair plastered to your forehead
and your earlobes honored with the tiniest globes of water –
this place smells of damp words, which cling to the walls
like nurslings.
<-- my awe.'the tiniest globes' seems a little unfinished, somehow. 'Tiniest possible'?
lampshade, we are kept, we are promised
indelible and blue, we hold hands in this blue, pentacled womb,
our clothes sticking to our skin like postage stamps, your fingers
long and creeping, like wasps stricken with cold. the sound
is defeaning, yet beneath it all, I can hear
you breathe.
Again:
You want 'deafening', though, not 'defeaning'.and night falls – it always falls, the cooling sun dislodged, like a pulled tooth,
and the branch-tips lose their filaments. we emerge from behind
the waterfall and stalk along the ridge, where the flower are puckered
like sour mouths. gossip and smalltalk in the trees and the downy owls,
cast their eyes about, unknowing, yellow
systole of the night, filling up
blue chords, you wink in and out –
an indecisive, perishing
flame.
Yeah, I ran out of advice to give a while ago.
You are as amazing as ever, and more.
