My mind couldn’t think, my body couldn’t react. I stood stupidly, eyes wide. I’m happy I couldn’t see the accusations, the pain, the realization of truth in my eyes. My mouth was agape but for once I was silent. There was nothing to say. My hand floated to my cheek tracing the imprint of his hand. Who was this monster? It wasn’t…it couldn’t be. Not my dream boy. He had said “I love you.” Wasn’t that supposed to mean something?
“Noel” he pleaded. I could see the love burning in his eyes, the consuming hatred was gone and pain was etched in his features. “Please. No. I didn’t mean it. Please. Noel” he was almost crying. “I love you…” There it was. Those three words again but I was too smart now for his games.
I turned and ran. I didn’t know where I was going but anywhere was better than here. I had thought he really cared. How could I have been so stupid? My cheek no longer held the rosy red imprint of his palm but my heart still would eternally carry the sting. I crumpled in a heap on the park bench a few miles away covering my face with my hands. I massaged my face with incredible pressure. Up and down, left and right as if I could rub away the pain that so carefully lined my features. I flattened my hair to my head, pulling down hard happy for the distraction of pain. “Oh my God,” I sobbed. “I’m exactly like the leash kids.” I sat and cried for me, and for Sammy, and for the life that couldn’t be.
They knew exactly how to break our spirits, to conform us into the molds they considered perfect; but no matter how foul a mood Mr.A (our principal) was in he just couldn’t do it. He had threatened to over and over again but no matter how many times teachers had to pull kids apart, noses bleeding, no matter how many times crappy things got posted about students on the internet, they couldn’t do it. We had waited our whole lives for this day, well at least all year.
The dull wooden floor sprinkled in confetti looked almost magical, the mood set by the glow of the star shaped lights in the otherwise dimly lit gym. Cardboard paparazzi lined the red carpet, all snapping pictures. This didn’t look like the same place where kids puked after being forced through one-hundred crunches or a two mile run. It was almost as if we left whatever time and place we were in, even if only for the moment.
“Isn’t it aaaaah-mazing?” Kortnee asked in awe.
“If your idea of amazing,” I emphasized the word, “Is nasty warm punch and obnoxiously loud music then yes, it sure is.” I replied sarcastically. She was in charge of the dance but I knew she could tell I was joking. The gym gave off a vibe that spoke for itself.
“Yeah but that’s what makes it…”
“Perfect,” I finished for her and we both knew it was true. It wasn’t only the couples, circling effortlessly that gave it away. “Well almost perfect,” I sighed to myself. I found myself stealing a side glance of him but then quickly snapped my head around as if just looking at him was wrong.
The DJ had been flirting all night; not only with the chaperoning parents but even with the girls requesting songs. Normally if an older guy was interested you would consider it a compliment. This was different though. When it was an awkward looking 27 year old guy who had no idea what “shake your laffy taffy” meant it was more creepy than couture. When I approached I kept my distance.
“When’s the next slow song?” I asked him. This was my technique for avoiding that very awkward two and a half minutes in which I had no one to dance with, strategic bathroom breaks.
“What?” he semi-screamed. He took off his headphones and tried to listen in over the music. Apparently he was not only “old” but deaf too.
“Next slow song?” I repeated impatiently.
“You want a slow song?” he said squinting. I didn’t know why he though squinting would do anything but he seemed to believe it would.
“No, I asked when…” but he was already turning back to his board of buttons.
“This one is for the ladies,” he said sounding like he was trying to woo someone. He turned back towards me noticing I was still there. I rolled my eyes and walked away.
“Drew looked at me, I faked a smile so he wouldn’t see,” Taylor’s voice sang. I headed for the door hoping I could escape to the bathroom before anyone noticed me and realized what I was doing. “You’re the reasons for the teardrops on my guitar, the only one that’s got enough of me to break my heart…”
“I feel for you Taylor,” I mentally told her. The last dance of middle school and I’m avoiding it just like I have every other one the last two years. “Pathetic,” I told myself. For some reason I had a hard time imagining Taylor Swift, country superstar, sitting out on any slow dance regardless of what her songs said. I had hoped our Hollywood theme would bring some of that star studded magic to me but so far no luck. I felt my butt vibrate and reflexively grabbed my phone. It was Danica so I knew it must be urgent. Anything less would have been said in person but I could tell she couldn’t wait for me to catch her eye.
CutiePatootie: Did U see Jake and Kara?
My fingers flew over the keys almost rhythmically and another IM popped up next to Danica’s.
DancerChic1228: No why? Like I really want to see him dancing with her for the millionth time. Are you trying to rub it in my face???
As a second thought I added.
DancerChic1228: You know I could always bring up…
CutiePatootie: No, no, no. Not what I’m saying. Totally opposite in fact. JUST LOOK!!!
And then I saw it. There was Jake, there was Kara but were they really on opposite sides of the gym?
DancerChic1228: ???
CutiePatootie: They broke up. Something about he was going out with her more because he felt too bad about the whole thing to say turn her down for a fourth time.
CutiePatootie: Don’t look now but he’s coming your way…
I was trying to type haha but only had gotten in one ha because it was then I turned around. He was walking this way. “I bet he’s coming to talk to you.” I told myself and began smoothing down my unmanageable bright blonde hair. Then I gave a half snort that was so loud the guy next to me actually turned at me and stared. I couldn’t even kid myself.
“Hey,” someone said. Was it really him?
“Uh, hey,” I stuttered. “Way to go brainiac,” I chided myself, “Definitely sexy.”
“Could I uh, have this dance?” Jake asked. Did he, star football player of Varsity, sound nervous talking to me the Student Council Class President?
“Say yes,” I told myself. I had dreamed about this moment forever and now that it was actually here I couldn’t even answer him. I kind of figured it was a joke but this was too good to pass up. My butt vibrated again but this time I just ignored it. “Say yes,” I tried to command myself but I must have actually made noise this time because he answered.
“What?” he asked. “You know you’re kinda leaving me hanging here.”
“Oh um sorry,” I muttered. “Sure I umm, I guess.”
He put his hands on my waist and I put mine around his neck and we swayed. I looked into his eyes and although one was green and the other blue they still seemed beautiful, almost hypnotic. “Now,” I thought to myself. “Now, it’s perfect.”
Three quarters of the way through the song my pocket started vibrating again. I ignored it, this was my moment. But it kept on vibrating, over and over and over. I looked over to Danica not wanting to shift my gaze for a second, but needing to know what was so important that it had to interrupt this. She mouthed the word phone and put her thumb and pinkie up to her ear. I sent her a look that said, “This BETTER be good or I’m so going to strangle you.”
“Uh, just a second,” I said breaking away from him with a barely audible sigh. I whipped out my phone.
CutiePatootie: TIME!!!
“What the heck,” I wonder then I glance over at the clock. It was 5:55. “CRAP!” I mutter under my breath. “I’m sorry,” I plead with him. “I’ve got to go.”
“What?” he said furrowing his eyebrows, “Why?”
“I don’t have time to explain. Please just trust me.” With that I thrust a strip of paper into his hands- it was my screen name and I hoped to heck he’d use it (I wasn’t even sure he knew who I was.) He just sat there looking stunned. No one left a varsity football player just standing there much less the leader of the math club.
I pulled off my high heels and took out through the doors and outside onto the black pavement even though it burned my heels. I grabbed my bike, fidgeting with the lock only momentarily before yanking it off. I had to get somewhere and get somewhere fast. “Leave it to me,” I grumbled. “The only time my life is like a fairy tale is the time I have to take off from my Prince Charming without him even knowing my name.” The only problem was that mine had a cruel twist. I was taking off to see another guy, one that I loved more than I loved myself. “My life is so screwed up,” I thought. “Welcome to Hollywood,” I could hear Taylor giving her sarcastic reply.[b]
