Dusk - still under construction.

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PREFACE
I couldn’t remember my past, but something inside me knew that this boy was the key to
my memories. Things were unraveling too fast, He was never going to stop, was he?

CHAPTER 1. LOST

I could feel a cool breeze on my face.

My thick brown hair danced with the wind as my mind drifted back to consciousness.

I was in a daze. The soothing sound of water rushing on the shore and calmly retreating back

slowly was all the noise that entered my mind. My eyes fluttered to the bright sunlight covering the

ground, blinding me for the few seconds before my eyed adjusted. Where am I? Who am I?

A whole new world opened up to me.


Everything seemed so clear, so brilliant. My muscles tensed as I tried to push myself upward into a

sitting position. I stretched and let out a deep yawn, which made my eyes watery. I starred ahead in

awe.. It was just so… beautiful.

The ocean water sparkled in my eyes like a million diamonds. My long sleeved white fabric dress

covered my legs loosely, tightening around my stomach and arms. I turned around, the end of my

dress twisting around my legs as I moved effortlessly. Thick, bright green trees and bushes devoured

most of the land around me. The sand slowly sinking into the shape of my body.



I couldn’t hear any other sound but the rushing water and my heart, racing vigorously.. I seemed to

be alone, and I couldn’t remember where I was, or who I used to be. Suddenly I heard a noise..

Like rustling bushes. At first I was happy, because what ever was moving around had to be living, which

obviously meant I wasn’t alone. My emotions over powered me, I felt scared because what ever it was

moving might not be human.. I waited to see what it was, my body trembled with fear.. It jumped out

of the bushes, leaping gracefully out on all fours and landed on the grainy sand. It looked at me, its

bright crimson red eyes gazing into to mine, its silky grayish black fur swayed to the side as the wind

danced around its fur. I felt my body shake uncontrollably. What I saw before me, was a wolf. This wolf

looked different than regular average sized ones. It was huge, like a wolf on steroids. It looked like a

boy to me.. At first his face was crinkled into a menacing glare.. But now his expression held a

concerned look. He lowered his head defensively and trotted towards me. I froze right where I sat. I

felt helpless as I looked up at the blood thirsty red-eyed beast standing before me, snarling under his

breath.


The claws of the glorious four legged creature dug into the ground and crouched forward. His shoulders

moved back, prepared to pounce on me at any given moment. This is the end isn’t it? I shut my eyes

tight, hoping, praying that he would kill me quickly. My body shuddered as a cold gust of wind whirled

around me. Something inside me churned as the wolf howled, the sound drifted swiftly into the forest

ahead. With that, my eyes opened, and he was no where in my perpetual vision. Am I going insane? I

lost my memory, and now I was seeing imaginary wolves. Yeah, I‘m definitely insane . But, everything

about him just seemed so real. Even an insane person couldn’t have mentally pictured and heard that

beast. There was only one way to find out. I lifted myself up, groaning at the slight strain in my legs

and arms, but ignored it, determined to find my imaginary wolf. Well I assumed it was imaginary, its

not every day you see a wolf that abnormally huge.


I marched forward, my legs stiffly moving along, sinking into the sand until I reached the line between

beach and forest. Everything ahead of me was devoured in bright lively green. The forest smelled of

fresh pine. Thick cold air froze my throat as I continued to walk. The sound of the beach faded away as

I lingered further into the unknown. The sweet sound of birds chirping in the distance echoed in the

forest. This was the type of place I didn’t mind, it was so quiet and peaceful, and so.. green. My legs

started to get irritated as the long sharp blades of grass scratched at my feet and ankles. A sudden

shiver slithered down my spine as the sound of the wind hissed. I dashed as fast as my legs could

take me.


Everything blurred around me as I ran, the cold air started burning my throat as I inhaled deeply for

needed oxygen. I heard someone behind me and stopped abruptly.

Catching my breath, I spun around and saw not ten feet in front of me, a handsome young man that

looked about my age. His reddish wavy brown hair came below his ear, his copper brown eyes gazing

deeply into mine. His pale white skin glistened in the little light that shined through the trees brightly.

His clothes consisted of nothing more than black jeans and a dark blue t-shirt and a gray jacket that

tightened around his somewhat muscular shoulders. He said nothing at first, but took slow strides

towards me, never looking away from my weary brown eyes.

The space between us became shorter, his lips curved up into a perfect smile. I froze, stunned.

Why was this godly being standing not two feet in front of me? Things began to get a little blurry

around me when he spoke in an low even tone, almost heavenly.

“Hello. I'm sorry if i scared you. Are you lost m'dear?”

I hesitated, I wanted to run, but my legs wouldn't budge.

“Y-yeah.. Where am I?”


His smile faded slightly, there was a change in the wind, turning slightly in his direction, and swiftly blew

towards me, his scent moving with the wind. I wanted to inhale that smell forever, it was so sweet and

calming, like lavender.

Compared to him, I smell awful..

“We, my dear are in Dolly Sods.”

That didn’t give me much information, because I had no idea where that was…

But at least I wasn’t alone.

“Oh.. That helps, I guess.”

He laughed, which sounded like ringing bells in my ears.

“Do I humor you?” My voice sounded dull.

“Just a little.” He starred at me, grinning.



“Are you alone?” His eyebrows crunched together, a concerned stare plastered on his slim face.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to answer his question.

I mean he didn’t seem malicious, or threatening towards me, he was quiet discreet. But there was

something about him that was cabalistic, like something hidden in stone. I starred at the ground,

looking at him as I spoke, blushing.

“Ugh. Yeah,” I paused,

I had to think of a reason that was believable enough as to why I was alone and had no idea where I

was. My voice was strained, trying to make it sound truthful. I actually believed myself for a moment.

“I ran away from home, I guess ran a little too far, and got lost...”

His eyes were still locked on mine listening attentively to my lies. He might not believe me..

“Hmm. I see well no one comes around this area much, its rather dangerous at night. You won’t be

safe.” He waited patently for a response. Think…

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll manage just fine.” My voice cracked

“I’m not willing to take that chance.” I snapped back at him

“Why dose my safety concern you?”

His smile was gone now, he was serious, anxious as his eyes glanced at the sunset behind the trees.

His lips pursed, his copper eyes glared at me. Taking a step forward, he spoke in an urgent tone.

“I’m not going to let someone die for no reason,

if you ran away you should’ve thought of a decent place to stay other than here”


Now I felt angry.

“You don’t even know me. Why should you care?”

He retained his composure, smiling at me again. His mood swings are giving me whiplash.

“My name is Cassius, may I ask you yours?”

My nostrils flared, but composed myself as well.

“Maria.” I felt my heart skip a beat when he took another step closer, closing in the space between

us. I realized he was taller than I thought.

“Maria.” He breathed. “A beautiful name suits you.”

I felt my cheeks turn red. His body heat was burning my flesh. It was warm, too warm. I heard his

heart, beating irregularly out of his chest, too slow, much too slow.



His warm voice interrupted my confused thoughts.

“Well, now that we’ve been properly acquainted…”

I didn’t even have time to escape his grasp, I was already off the ground, his inhumanly warm arms

cradling me against his chest, running at lightning speed. The cold air

cooled my body against his, I guess he thought running wouldn’t hurt me as much.

His legs picked up, running faster than before, barley even noticing my weight pushing him down. I

wanted to try and squirm, not thinking about the pain of falling if I did escape. But I knew it would be a

useless effort, he was too strong. Arguing with him might help, he might let me go if I gave a good

enough reason…. But he is smart… This may be difficult.. I inhaled, trying to catch even the slightest

amount of oxygen as it passed me swiftly.

“Where are you taking me ?!” My voice felt strained.

He answered back in an even tone, not even the slightest sound of exhaustion in his heavenly voice.

“To safety, away from here.”


Silence, my words wouldn’t come out. He was concerned about my safety, carrying me away from

whatever danger he thought was out there. That wolf.. I forgot why I went into the forest in the first

place.. Who could remember anything after seeing this gorgeous man I didn’t deserve? I was curious

“What is so dangerous about here?” I murmured softly.

Suddenly everything stopped moving, or he stopped moving, I wasn’t sure which.

All I knew was that I was still in his arms and he was still here with me.

Cassius looked at me, but this time it was different. I gasped as I saw his perfect face. His eyes were a

crimson red, looking deeply into mine. I was terrified, ready to break a run for it, but again… I was

trapped in his unbreakable grasp…



CHAPTER 2. LIES

I was almost infatuated with him at that moment

The horrified look on my face faded, starring back at him in awe, waiting for him to answer my

question. His face came slightly closer to mine, whispering soothingly in my ear. “You will know and

understand soon enough love.” My body started to shake slightly as his cold breath froze my neck, the

heat from his skin burning the rest of my body. My mind felt like it was tied in a knot, everything

seemed so confusing to me. Why I lost my memory, why I saw that wolf, why this man was carrying

me. I couldn’t make sense of any of it.


I tried to think. There was just something abut Cassius and that wolf that seemed to have some kind

of connection, or similarities. Well first off, His eyes are the same bloody red as the wolf right now….

Second, they both found me. And third… I didn’t know the last one, I needed to know more, find out

about him.

I hadn’t even realized that he was running again, until my mind drifted back to reality. It seemed like I

had been in his arms for hours, but I really didn’t mind. There was something else about him that

made me feel so safe and secure, and another part about him, that made me want to run away….


“We’re almost there, It’s just up ahead..”

His eyes never locked on to mine as he ran. My face was beginning to feel a little numb,

the cold wind freezing my cheeks as he ran, and slowed to an even pace.

I could see the trees again, they were much open here. Although I wasn’t exactly sure where

here was, it seemed peaceful enough, non-threatening I guess you could say. In front of us was

a thick layer of trees, but behind the space between them I could see a large clearing.

We came closer to the clearing as he took slow strides towards it. I heard the echoing sound of rushing

water in the distance. Then I saw everything behind the trees.

I assumed it was his house. It didn’t even look like it should be in a forest, it was far to dazzling and

beautiful. Behind the house was higher land, and beside the house to the right was a large area of

water, and a small waterfall making the rushing water noise I had heard before. The house was quiet

large, and seemed to almost blend in with its surrounding now that I had a good look at it.


It’s huge windows seemed bright as the little moonlight shined through, The light brown wood covering

the outside of the house seemed homey and warm. The second story had two large glass door windows

on either side, both with a large balcony that was a darker shade of brown. Cassius set me down

carefully, like a precious jewel. I didn’t quiet enjoy how he handled me like I was some sort of

breakable object. We walked together to the door stepping up the three long stone stairs until we

reached the arched glass door.


“Wow.” I breathed.

“What is it?” His eyes were locked on mine, curious as to what I was thinking.

“This place…” I couldn’t even finish the words, it was just so breathtaking, so wonderful.

Things seemed like they were happening too fast. I looked away from his eyes.

Its not natural to come to a strangers house the first day you meet them.. Is it ?

Cassius didn’t seem like a stranger to me though. Was there something I missed?

I tried to think to the very beginning of my extremely strange and short memories.

I thought back to the moment when I woke up, thinking of how I might have gotten there.

Nothing.. My memories before had vanished, locked away, never to be found again.

I took a deep breath, trying to hide my emotion. He doesn’t even know that I don’t remember,

I cant mess this up.. My attempt of hiding my emotion was lost. Hidden or not hidden, he saw right

through me, again concerned about me and only me. His arms wrapped lightly around me, and swiftly

pushed me effortlessly against his warm body.

“Are you alright, Maria?”


He placed his burning hot hand on the back of my head, his fingers streaming through

my thick brown hair. I took a breath, shorter than before. I put my hand on his chest,

pushing him away, or at least trying to. He didn’t budge, but the light grip he had around me

was loose enough for me to take a small step back away from his feverish body.

My eyes glanced at the stone floor.

“Y-yeah, I just need some rest.. It’s been a long day.” I breathed.

His right arm tightened around my waist, as If making sure I wouldn’t collapse of exhaustion.

Right then I knew that he took my words much too seriously.

His other hand reached for the round steel door knob and turned it slightly. He whispered softly.

“Then lets get you to bed.”

The door swung open, and then I saw it.


The inside of the house was even more gorgeous than I would’ve imagined.

I was half asleep, but I remember the parts that he guided me though so vividly like a dream I would

never forget. The front entrance was scarcely spacious. As soon as the door opened I could see the

living space to the left, furnished in two white loveseats perfectly symmetrical of each other. In between

was a black coffee table. Eggshell white covered the walls, along with some black and white paintings

that were placed in certain places around the plain walls, specifically in the middle. The color suited the

room, not too decorative, and yet not too boring. Darkness covered the large windows that I had seen

in front of the house. Light laminate floors covered most of the first floor. Also to the left was black

floating pieces of wood, and a white handrail that led to the second floor. I guess I was too tired for my

brain to function properly. Any normal person would have known without evening thinking that what

Cassius was helping walk up was a staircase. I felt my eyes get heavier, everything started getting

blurry as I feel asleep. I wasn’t sure if I was walking or if Cassius was caring, I didn’t really have the

strength to care. My mind slowly drifted to unconsciousness as he laid me down on a large soft bed,

the sound of him chuckle softly was the last noise I heard.. Then black devoured my mind, into a

nightmare.


My eyes flashed open. I was on a large cliff, in front me was the ocean far down below. The moon was

full, glistening brightly in the dark night, the stars hiding behind the fog in the sky. The sound on the

waves crashing pounded in my ears. The breeze was light, swirling around my body. This dream almost

seemed real to an extent. My eyes squinted, two small bright red balls of light came into contact with

my eyes, starring at me. Everything around me became darker when I saw where the light was coming

from. Standing before me was a little girl. Her wavy brown curls twisted with the wind surrounding us,

her fragile looking body and face stained with blood. The tips of her fingers dripped with red. My

nostrils flared as the disgusting burning stench of blood fluttered around us. Her lips curved into a

perfect smile, her crimson red eyes gazing into mine. The eyes of a killer. Her slim little body crouched

into a defensive position, barring her bright white fangs. Her curls bounced lightly as she swayed back

and forth, ready to lunge for me. My knees shook uncontrollably, and before I could stop it, I was on

the ground defenseless and unwilling to die. She sprang towards me in an instant, too quick for me to

see. She stopped an inch away from my face, her eyes now a deep brown.

An unbearable pain rose through my body. Is this a dream? Am I going to die by the hands of this

little girl?


Her hand was tightly choking my neck, her sharp finger tips piercing through my pale skin. She

laughed childishly, the sound of her voice like bells to my ears. Her amusement was going to end

soon, she was going to kill me. My pulse began beating in my skull, thump thump, thump thump, over

and over. A deep snarl came from behind me, breaking the few seconds of silence while the little girl

continued to choke me, enjoying my agony. I was out of breath, blood rushing down my neck, my

blood. Everything became blurry around me, fading, blackening before me. Suddenly I found myself

breathing, the grip loosened, and everything became silent. Another snarl ripped from deep within the

chest of someone behind me.

I blinked continuously until I regained full sight.

I saw the little girl, her eyes stained with tears, cringing away from me. I felt bewildered, and turned to

see what she was so horrified of. It wasn’t me she was afraid of, but what was behind me. Four grey

legs padded gracefully in front of me. Its head lifted up, its eyes gazing into mine. Anguish and

concern covered his face. His eyes were deep with emotion, starring into mine with sorrow. It was the

wolf I had seen before. He staggered in front of me defensive and full of hate. A growl rumbled

through his clenched teeth, preparing to pounce on the little girl trembling in fear with stained blood

covering her body.



I awoke with a startle, just realizing that my nightmare had been a dream.

I felt relieved, but just to be sure it was a dream I checked my neck.

Nothing.. I sighed. That was a strange dream… The sounds of the birds chirping and the cool breeze of

the winds made the house feel homey to me. I stretched, feeling every strain and ache in my back

and arms fade away. The sun beamed in my face. I found myself sitting on a white bed in a spacious

room.


It had the same style as the downstairs, large reflecting windows surrounding it.

Light shady blue covered the walls, decorated with grey photography of plants and

animals. I dragged myself out of bed, and walked slowly out of the blue bedroom.

To the left of me was the stairs that I had thought were floating the night before.

I let my feet slip on the edge of each step rather than just walking.


My stomach growled underneath my skin, my nose following the scent of fresh food. I walked quicker

when my legs hit the first floor, into the kitchen. That was where I saw him again. He was wearing

different clothes. A navy blue t-shirt loosely hugged around his arms and chest, his somewhat baggy

blue jeans tightened around his ankles over his white socks. I didn’t really look at him the first few

seconds I came into the room, but what he was cooking. He placed the eggs on a white glass plate,

letting the bacon sizzle in the pan a while longer, and set the plate on the black and white island

behind him, his feet dragging on the white tile. There’s so much white in this house… I’m so hungry….


Cassius hardly noticed I was there. I straightened my posture, and attempted to walk gracefully to the

stool. I looked like an idiot, and even managed to bump into the corner of the island,

which hurt my stomach. Cassius laughed under his breath without even looking at me.

His voice sounded sweeter than I remembered.

“Good Morning sunshine.”

As if he were dancing, or just being perfect, he spun around with the spatula in his hands, bacon

perfectly balanced on it, and dropped them neatly on what seemed to be my plate. He made

my “graceful” walking look like a kid who forgot his dance routine…. I’m a moron. I shook the thought

away, trying to think of something that would take my mind off of my stupidity.

“This smells so good..”

I lifted my head to gaze into his perfectly warm brown eyes.

“I’m glad you think so. “

He smiled at me, his white teeth glistening in the sunlight that suddenly devoured his face.

He squinted and cringed away from the light. His hands covered his eyes, his body leaning against the

kitchen counter. Should I get up? Ask him if he’s alright? I hesitated,

but my lips moved before I could think any further.






“Cassius.. Are you okay?”

He rubbed his eyes, and smiled at me with a smug expression.

“Just fine. Thank-you; Maria.”

His eyes were on mine, watching me eat, or at least trying to.

I inhaled the fumes with a little too much enthusiasm, I heard laughing again, and blushed. A fork

suddenly dropped in front of me, hitting the island, bouncing to a quick stop.

I grabbed it without hesitation, shoving mouthfuls of scorching hot eggs and bacon down my throat.

It hurt, but I was too hungry to care.

My stomach felt warm, and so did my face, but not because the food was hot in my mouth,

but because he was starring at me.

Shouldn’t I feel uneasy about the whole “I’ve never been here, and don’t even know this guy” thing?

But this place, this house, didn’t feel like that at all. It seemed familiar.

I felt my body freeze. What if I had been here before? What if Cassius knows? Could this boy be the

key to my memories? My attention came back to my surroundings, and I looked at Cassius instantly. I

probably looked like an Idiot starring into space, but I was more concerned about this homey and

familiar feeling that I had realized, rather than looking like an idiot.

My plate wasn’t in front of me anymore, I guess he had put it away while I was ‘daydreaming’.

His eyes were locked with mine, and it was unbearably quiet for a few brief moments.

I was too mesmerized by his beauty. His brown hair had that same reddish color to it, ruffled into an

attractive mess. His copper brown eyes held a calming warmth to them, that made here feel even more

like home, like I belonged. Damn it all ! Why can’t I just speak ?

His lips curves up into a teeth gleaming smile, and I just couldn’t help but smile back.

“Cassius..”

My lips tingled as I spoke his name, he infatuated me with his smile, his face, his voice…

Keep it together…

“Yes?” His words were soothing and calming. I felt like he would understand, if I told him the truth.

That he wouldn’t think I’m crazy if he knew about my lost memories, but something in my gut told me

to keep my mouth shut. I flinched at the sudden pain, causing my lips to shut tight.

I breathed the faintest breath as everything around me started to get dizzy.

“Maria?”

I blinked, hoping the splotchy darkness would fade away from my eyes.

Quick flashes of the sea, and the little girl devoured my thoughts, my sight.

I hadn’t realized I started to cry until I could see his face again.

His eyes held the fear mine did, slowly and gently he wrapped his arms around me and

pressed me against his hard chest.

“Is something wrong?”

I sighed, and breathed a short breath, trying to make the tears go away.

I look like a stupid bawling baby! … But what happened just now?

“No. it’s just. I dunno. I’ve only been here for a day, and everything is going by too fast for me to

see.” His arms loosed around my stomach, his face just barley an inch away from mine.

“Do you want to go back home?”

It felt like he could see through me. My lies, my emotion, down to the core of my soul,

behind my pounding heart.

“No, here… Is so much better than.. home.”

Even if I did remember my memories, I was almost certain that I would like here a lot better

than home, and for whatever reason I didn’t remember, I didn’t care, because I was with him.







CHAPTER 3. WAS IT A DREAM? OR REALITY?

THE DAY PASSED BY QUIET FAST.

Time seemed to fly by here, maybe it was because I was enjoying here so much.

I hadn’t figured out what that blind dizziness was all about, but it had been bothering

me the whole day. But then again, I hadn’t thought about it much because I was thinking about

him too much. It was about mid day when I decided it was time to take a shower, and I definitely

needed it. It’s not very attractive to be smelly for gosh knows how long.


After getting out of the shower, I dressed into a pair of tight jeans and a black and grey plaid shirt.

Although I didn’t live here (sadly) there were clothes that coincidentally fitted my exact size, and

surprisingly, they looked good on me. Cassius had claimed that the clothes he handed to me before I

got in the shower were his sisters. And I was a little embarrassed, considering the fact he even took

the time and thought of getting me undergarments as well, which fit me perfectly (again, coincident)..


I intended to explain to Cassius about everything in a short while, but I wasn’t quiet ready to tell him,

because I wanted him to get to know me more, before he thought that I was a totally insane freak who

forgot to take her meads this morning. I had thought and planned this out in my mind about a

hundred times during the day, but I just thought it would be right to explain things properly before he

had a change to tell me his thoughts. Okay, so I might just tell him that I bumped my head and that I

couldn’t remember. Maybe keep the whole “I saw a wolf and I looked like it wanted to eat me” thing.

Tell him that I didn’t want to tell him the truth right off the bat because he was a stranger, and go from

there.


Sounded pretty good to me. Believable. Brilliant. I brought up some confidence as I walked into the

room I had slept in the night before, which I had just found out just a while ago that it was Cassius’s

bed room. I had an in my gut feeling that he would be in there. And to my surprise I was right.

I smiled when I saw him sitting on his bed with his knees close to his chest, writing something in a

black note book. I shut the door quietly behind me, and as soon as the door clicked his eyes glanced

up into mine.



A sudden surge of happiness and warmth over powered me, and I wanted nothing more than to jump

on the bed right next to him and get to know him just a little more.

What is wrong with me? I had only known Cassius for just about one whole day, and I already felt this

way about him. Definitely something not natural what so ever. His lips curved into a teeth gleaming

smile, his eyes sparkling with a soothing warmth, almost hypnotizing. I couldn’t help but blush in

response. “Did you have a nice shower?” My body felt refreshed, like a new me.

“Yea, the clothes fit nice too.”

The bed moved slightly as he shifted upward, getting a better look at my outfit.


As he looked me up and down, I felt frozen, and as his smile widened my face melted with heat.

“I’m glad. My sisters clothes fit you quiet perfectly.”

This house didn’t have anyone else in it accept Cassius and I, so where was this sister of his ?

His hand patted the space beside him on the crisp white blanket. I accepted the gesture, walked over

to the bed, and crawled next to him. I couldn’t help but voice my thoughts.

“Where is your sister?” Cassius’s face went blank, his lips in a firm line, his eyes soulless, his hands

closing the cover of his note book firmly against the pages.

Did I say something that offended him ?

A low sweet sounding sigh came from his lips.

His face turned to look into my eyes.

“She’s on a … Hunting trip.”

My eyes fluttered.

I could feel the blank expression slither over my face.

“Oh…”




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Alright. =]

Over all, it was pretty good! It seemed to move a bit fast. Like, after one day, this girl is already in love with Cassius. At least she realizes that though, as she says in a few parts that she doesn't understand how she's feeling that already.

One thing that bugged me a bit, was the fact that I was constantly reminded of Twilight. I'm not sure if your a fan, or if the similarity is merely a coincidence. But, just in certain lines you said, or the way things were described. A story is much better if you have originality.

I like the plot. It's interesting, because she doesn't even know who she is!! I'm thinking to myself while i was reading. I was like....dude, remember something!! And then Cassius is all like, cool, calm, and collected. So i could definitely see how she's distracted by him. =]

I'm definitely liking the start. If you need any help, PM me! =]

-girlwithquestions




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Didn't you post this in Fantasy Fiction? I remember reviewing it...

In the futrue, feel free to have a moderator move a piece to another sub-forum for you.

Best,
Antigone
Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?
nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
-Catullus, Carmen 85




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It sounds a bit like Twilight!?
:D




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oh yea someone did post it here for me.
im not too sure how that works, but im greatful :D
anyway, this story is kind of old, and ive been trying to write better other ones

thanks for the comments !
if you have any ideas for me, id be happy to hear them ! :)

~ marshmellow-warrior




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What reminded everyone so much of twilight ?
Like seriously?
Don't worry hunny, its nothing like that series.
Yours is actually good !
That's why its pissing me off that people would even compare the two.
{Stupid, stupid, critics.}

Anyways.
I personally thought it was the highlight of my day {I'm feeling quite down because of my tonsillitis}
Thank you.
And I hope to be reading more quite soon.
Poem Sig:
Flower that blooms on a cloudy day, please don't take the rain away.
Its all I have for the tears I've shed, All I've gained for the blood I've bled.




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Thanks for the comments everyone !
Just to let you all know, yeah im a twilight fan,
but the weird thing is that i wrote this before i even heard of it
kind of weird if you ask me.

I could change it up so it dosen't sound so much like it if you'd like,
I'd hate for people to think that I'm copying a great writer.
Thanks again !

-marshmellow-warrior-




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Points 1694
Reviews 7
I can see why this has been compared to twilight, it has a very familiar feel to it when i read it. Overall i think it is well written but needs tweaking in certain places, when you say 'like a wolf on steroids' i don't feel it fits in with the graceful fluidity of your writing, it is very easy to read but these occasional phrases pop up which sort of tripped me up as i read it and didn't seem to fit in with the character of the book,

Hope this helps in a small way. Also i can't help but notice this is called dusk, which is a synonym of twilight, i think maybe a name change might help distance yourself from the twilight feel.



Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
— George Santayana